ssssssc789 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I've been having trouble with overcoming my insecurities. I really like this guy. We have had a very strange beginning. I guess you could say we skipped the dating and the fun beginning stages because we were just friends via phone and email. We didn't live in the same place, but we only met because I knew I was moving to Chicago. We talked every day, and very quickly he invited me to a wedding. I thought it was perfect to make it the same weekend to visit my friend that lives in the city, so I agreed. It was a great time. We spent the rest of our trip together and then I headed home. We still talked every day, but at that point it was not a relationship. After I moved here. We saw each other often and live very close to each other. Inevitably we started dating. Recently I have found myself pouring over his Facebook. I've noticed that he has a lot of previous ex that he explains "just didn't work". Apparently they didn't date very long (maybe a few months) bc she is from France and he lives here in Chicago. They started dating Mid October 2011? I'm not too sure, but basically she moved back to France, but since then he visited her in Feb 2012 and October 2012. The only reason I mention this is because he has pictures of her. Many of them, but we have been dating for about 5 months now, and he has never posted a picture of me on this facebook. He took one once of me on instagram. He says he is completely over her, but would he tell me if he wasn't? Could he still be in love with her? Am I past the rebound stage? I'm not really sure what to think of this. He never posted any of the pictures of the wedding I went with him to, but we took many. He also takes pictures of me all the time, but never posts them. Is he ashamed of me? Does he still want to appear available? I just keep thinking that I am an option here. Would he be with her if she had never moved back to France? What if she moved back? Does he still long for her? I really want to know, but I don't know how to approach it. I hate that I pour over her social media, and I am going to have to block her so I can stop myself from doing it, but it doesn't stop me from looking at his pictures. It makes me feel so inadequate.
Eivuwan Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Then just ask him to post that cute pic of you guys doing whatever on facebook.
vanhalenfan Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Post pictures of you two on your FB and tag him....
Author ssssssc789 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Post pictures of you two on your FB and tag him.... Yes! We have pictures of us tagged on facebook, but I feel like that is different from him actually posting it. I do feel like I could just be overreacting, but at the same time it worries me.
Author ssssssc789 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 My thought is that he should want to post the pictures. I shouldn't have to ask him to. Is this an unreasonable thought?
David87 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Yes! We have pictures of us tagged on facebook, but I feel like that is different from him actually posting it. I do feel like I could just be overreacting, but at the same time it worries me. He never puts pictures of you because you tag him on your fb and they appear on his fb to. I never put photos on my fb, my girlfriend did that all the time and tagged me, and I loved her and respected her and she was never my rebound. If it bothers you that much why don't you talk with him about your concern about his ex? You're his gf not the girl from France... and I don't think that you're his rebound. Just relax it's not a big deal. 1
quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 most problems can be calmly discussed, but obviously you don't want to freak him out. I guess you can casually ask him about things without appearing too emotional. Perhaps in person would be better if you want to know things, because texting/emailing can be misleading and you want to gauge his reaction.
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 You should ask him these questions. Who knows maybe he was not posting pictures of them either but she made him to. You don't know what kind of person she was. She may have had no problem expressing to him what she wanted.
Phantom888 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Make him take her pictures DOWN! He is being so disrespectful of your feelings. 5 months is enough time to assert your opinion. This is not a matter of jealousy or control. It's about respect and reality. Why would he want pictures of his ex on FB so people would assume he's still dating her? Don't put up with his crap. Make him take down those photos and put up yours. You are entitled to his FB realm after 5 months of dating.
clia Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I can't believe you are looking at year and a half old pictures and worrying about them. You said you are dating this guy -- are you exclusive? Does he call you his girlfriend? 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 You're pouring over HER social media pages? Look woman. No! No more! Him saying "it just didn't work out" is a beautiful thing! It's a mature thing! If he had said nasty things about her, gone into the details of how she broke his heart, explained all the mistakes he or she made, or just seemed to be dwelling on the relationship, you would have more to worry about. Maybe he hasn't even examined further why it ended or what could have been different. Whatever, he's over it. YOU should be too. I agree with poster saying you should ask him to remove the pictures from his Facebook page. I don't even suggest he delete them, but just hide them and put them away somewhere. You're the woman in his life now. So... You need to start acting like it. This insecurity is a relationship killer. If he hasn't given you any reason to think he's still hung up on that relationship, it's truly an issue with YOU and not him. Where is it coming from? What do you figure she had to offer that you don't? This goes far beyond pictures on social media. It seems to be a statement of your lack of self confidence and insecurity. This man has chosen to be with you. Why? What do YOU have to offer? What makes YOU more special? What connection do YOU have with him? When you grab your self esteem out of the gutter, work on it. Know that you are a valuable partner that is worth his affection. Women who are worth it have no problem telling a guy "hey, I noticed you haven't posted those pictures we took when we _______, I really liked the ______ one of us, you look handsome, you should post it." Or just simply say "I noticed you still have a lot of pictures of your ex posted, would you mind making them private? Actually, I would love if you shared ______ pictures we took when we _______. There were a couple really nice ones." Done. Don't hold it against this guy that he still has old pictures posted. It's likely because he isn't even thinking back to THAT long ago to remember they are there.
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