please help me - how do i end a relationship with someone i care about humanely

[pegasusboy]

Here's the deal - I love my girlfriend and care about her deeply. She really really wants to get married. I don't think i'm ready yet. i still feel i have a bit of a single-man's mentality and am simply not ready to hang 'em up. I know that sounds horrible but I'm only being honest. I have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle here. She thinks we will be getting married in the next year or so due to me not being enough of a standup guy to explain to her what i've just explained to you. How on earth do i tell her this without coming across as an a**h***? I know there's no way to spare her feelings - I'm going to hurt her regardless - but I'm really just torn up over this. I really don't want to hurt her and I guess that's one of the reasons I've allowed the relationship to continue as long as it has - has anyone had this experience who can provide some sort of advice?

[Merin]

Don't lead her to believe things that aren't true.

 

If you're not ready to get married then be straight with her.. what isn't okay is allowing her to continue to think things are going in a direction that in your mind, they aren't..

 

Is it going to hurt her.. yeah it probably will.. but honestly IMO it is better to be straight with her, then to later blindside her when she thought everything was all okay.

[jellybean]

Yes, she's going to be very hurt especially since she left her husband for you, but you have to tell her. You've been leading her on for a long time now, that is soooo cruel

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=344258#post344258

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by jellybean

Yes, she's going to be very hurt especially since she left her husband for you, but you have to tell her. You've been leading her on for a long time now, that is soooo cruel

 

Deeply ambivalent about my current situation

 

I don't see where he says she is leaving her husband for him. I don't think his GF is married.

 

He should tell her how he feels.

 

One way or another the will eventually find out as the date gets closer.

 

Why prolong it?

[april]

Originally posted by pegasusboy

I have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle here.

 

What an understatement

[lovewilltearusapart]

I've just been dumped by my gf and she wasnt initially straight about the reasons, i have finally found out by reading her email which was very bad i know, when i realised the truth it made things a lot worse initially. However i now feel better for knowing the real reason, so what im trying to say is that although the truth may initially hurt its better in the long term to know it> And further more i found out that she had wanted it over for six months before she did it, i just wish she had been straight with me six months ago as i feel like the last six months have just been a lie.

[henrietta]

better that you be honest with her now and let her find someone who can commit. most women at some point will stop waiting for someone who is not ready - you don't want her to look back and regret not using this time to find a lasting and permanent relationship. To some women, the commitment thing is the long-awaited goal in the relationship, so to allow her to think she can expect this treasure at the end of the road when in actuality you have nothing to give her except more of status quo, in light of her desire for marriage, is on the dishonest and thoughtless side. If you love her, think of her future happiness and how your actions, or inaction at present may compromise that.

[clynn]

Do you think you're not ready now? OR never?

Do you think that you want to stay in a committed relationship but are unsure about marriage?

 

Or...are you sure about marriage but unsure about her?

 

Try to think about these things.

Ask her for some time apart, a break, to think about them?

 

Then discuss very clearly what you desire and want. IF she wants to get married soon, she might be prepared to cool her heels if it might work down the road.

 

I think that it is very normal and natural for a relationship to go through a cooling down period when you feel like friends more than lovers.

 

I think you are lucky to have a good close friend like her you are comfortable with.

[Mary3]

I think you made it very clear that you are not ready for marraige. You need to seriously help her understand and realize that because if you are not ready to be in a solid long term committed marraige then you just Are Not !

 

Man what a mess that would be marrying her and desiring other women and wanting other women.

 

I have to say this though : What kind of man are you sleeping with another mans wife ? You dont SOUND like marraige material. More like Playboy with all your desires...