Even after 1 year I am still not over me EX-Girlfriend. [update]

[Jermain]

Hi there all.

 

First off all I would like to thank everyone who is willing to read my story and to give me feedback and advice about my situation. I dont want to take alot of your time, so I will try to keep a long story short!

 

Thanks in advance guys!

 

 

Me and My Ex where together for 5 years. We had a nice relationship, although with the normal relationship problems but nothing big. During our relationship I had to travel for university 2 times half a year. In between I was half a year at home. So I was away for a total of a year. We broke up during the second time of my university travel abroad. She told me that she had been so used to me not being around and with the rest of our relationship problems she had lost interest in having a relationship with me.

 

After the break up ( note that I was in a foreign country ) I did all the stupid things many of us do. ( begging, calling,texting etc etc. ) I did this for one month. After that I was just tired of being the one always to make the first contact. I started NC ( but I did checked her FB daily and if she had been online on whatsapp etc. Obsessed really)

 

2 months pass and we didnt had any contact. Untill I got home and she texted me congratulations with your university degree. I really missed her and never had the time to really talk with her face to face due to the fact that I had been abroad the whole time.

 

We decided to have a drink and before we could order a drink she just burst in tears crying saying she missed me and why I never contaced her ( in NC) etc etc. She wanted me back and we where having a nice time.. for really 1 week. LOL. She suddenly changed her mind 180 degree and started saying she is not sure and that she doesnt want to get back.. for now.

 

I then went away for a month abroad again for holidays. I never spoke with her for this whole month. When I got back, I asked her out for a last drink together. She agreed. It was a really awkward drink together... she was totally not interested and constantly looking at her watch. She told me she didnt want to get back together and told me I have to move on.

 

Note that I already knew all the rules about NC and everything but the true fact is when you get false hope its hard to think straight when she is in front of you.

 

After this drink we went NC again!! I didnt even texted her on her Bday.

 

A month later I went to her work ( I was close so I thought let me hop by )

She was shocked.. and the first thing she said was: I really was hurt that you didnt texted or called me on my Bday I never knew I didnt mean nothing for you.

 

After this I went NC again until new years eve. She texted me happy new year and asked me if I was going out to the same club where she already was. ( I was, coincidentially ) We where both a little tipsy so also a little emotional. We where like 2 newly weds LOL. But we didnt kissed though. She than burst into an emotional rage saying she missed me and things about us alot. She was mad at me that she heard I had been dating different girls. She said it was disrespectfull toward her ( AFTER 8 MONTHS BREAK UP!!) she then said she dated a guy but only kissed with him.

 

I told her we would have a drink later the week. She agreed and kissed me goodby on the lips.

 

Few days later I asked her to have a drink she declined with silly excuses. A few days later I asked again and she said oke but not long. We had a drink and she just acted like all what had happend on new years day was just because she was tipsy. We had a really really nice evening laughed alot it was all really cool. I have to say that we always have nice times when we are together REALLY. But as soon as she gets on whatsapp she acts so different.

 

Her grandpa died a week later and she told me by whatsapp but she didnt want me around to comfort her. At this point she was really acting harsh, ignoring whatsapp messages or reacting 3 days later. She did say thanks for being there for me. ( Although she never came to me for support )

 

Youu guys will be thinking.. man why dont you get rid of the girl... I know.

But its hard having a relatonship of 5 years and getting dumped when you are in a forgeign country.. no power to solve things only trough phone etc. And I really tought and sometimes still think she is the one for me, at least I saw her as the one and only. I never cheated or ever did her wrong.

 

A week later she was leaving for a 2 months travel with a friend to see the world. I texted her the day before she was leaving if I could come by to just say hello. Max 10 min of her time. And then she said the most hurtfull thing: No, I am not home. not knowing that her sister posted a picture with them both,,,, saying: we are currently packing the suitcases with my lovely sister. She was home. I confronted her and she kept saying she wasnt home.. lying. She even started to get mad because she knew I knew she was lying.

 

I was so mad and hurt at the same time I texted her a long as last goodbye text saying I lost all my respect for her. And I did. She replied saying that I am out of my mind and she is going to do whatever she wants.

 

Its been 2 months now and I havent heard from her since.

 

I am still mad and I still have lost my respect for her. But it doesnt take the love I had and still have for her away. She will come back in a week and the chance of us seeing each other coincidentially is there (We live in the same neighbourhood )

 

My question to you guys is.. what Should I do now? And what do you think about all this and what does she think about me. Sometimes it seems like she misses me and the next moment she is a completely stranger. They say it can take the same amount of time to get over an ex as the amount of time of the relationship. At this point it seems this is true because I am still not over her.. it seems like we broke up just yesterday.

 

 

Thank you for reading this super long message!

 

Feel free to react!

 

Thanks again!

[Conners]

I think she still loves you but not in a romantic sense. You were together for 5 years and the relationship was good right?

 

She loves you like a family member and when you don't talk to her (going NC) she probably misses you and feels lonely and questions whether she wants you back or not.

 

I don't think it's going to ever work out between the two of you, she's very hot and cold. She wants to pull you back in when you seem uninterested and as soon as you're back on the hook she gets scared and pulls away.

This doesn't mean she'd a bad person, she just needs to let go.

 

You probably would of been over her by now if you had stuck with NC from the beginning but she's pulling you back in with false hope.

[Jermain]

Hi Conners,

 

Thanks for your quick reaction.

 

Yes the relationship was really nice, we where like the perfect couple and we still seem like a couple if you would see us together right now. This strong "friend" relationship never changed. I sometimes even have random conversations with her dad and sister without her knowing. So that summaries a little how are relationship and connection was. We where both the first love for both.

 

She is really hot and cold, but that is so confusing. It seems that she is keeping me till she finds a new BF and than has somebody who can comfort her. She told me a few weeks before I spoke her at last.. that the Day that she would see me with a new GF that would be the day that she would not want any contact anymore. And when I told her the goodbye text saying , it end here, and I dont want this hot and cold thing.. she said: If that is what you want. ( I really hate that sentence lol )

 

 

Thanks!

[Trovador]

Since you gave us permission to respond freely to you, here's a bit of tough love...

 

You sir don't have self respect at all and have been basically a floormat, a toy, an disposable object, you name it... with due respect (no pun), you need to grow some dignity and accept, first, that she is out of your life for good, and second, act accordingly to that; this mean that you have to stop waiting for a miracle and throw away the hope (implicit in your message) that she one day will see her evil ways or realize how great you really are and in one or other way she will let you know that you are truly the man of her dreams...

 

Even if that was true, and it is not, few men would take back a woman who was so selfish, immature, cold, cruel like you portray your ex (I guess that you would be one of those few men...)...

 

Yes, you are in NC but posting on these web, talking to her relatives and checking her FB (you don't say you are doing that but I think you actually are), besides wanting to hear from us that not all is lost, make me think you are having a difficult time realizing that the answer to your loneliness and desperation is not her at all... the answer lies within you, in wanting every waking hour to really and honestly get over her...

 

She is traveling around the world, she is enjoying her life... start enjoying yours too... you know you can do it, you know you have to do it... good luck, sir!

[somegoodman]

She is really hot and cold, but that is so confusing. It seems that she is keeping me till she finds a new BF and than has somebody who can comfort her.

 

Imagine that.

 

She told me a few weeks before I spoke her at last.. that the Day that she would see me with a new GF that would be the day that she would not want any contact anymore.

 

Actually, that will be the day that she might actually be interested in you again...but only out of jealousy. She's playing you really well, making you think you can't get yourself a girl because it will kill your chances with her. I actually admire her audacity.

 

And when I told her the goodbye text saying , it end here, and I dont want this hot and cold thing.. she said: If that is what you want. ( I really hate that sentence lol )

 

She doesn't want you, she never will. Move on from her or else you will do serious harm to your self-esteem.

[mangetout]

She is definitely using you bigtime! She throws srcaps at you and you take them.

 

 

OP its time you focus on yourself. Start getting your self worth back.

 

 

Bad relationships are like a bad investment. No matter how much you put into it you will never get anything our of it. Find someone worth investing in.

[lolablue17]

You are trying to figure out her motives and behavior.... well, DONT!

 

It just doesn't matter! What does matter is that the devil can wear all kind of costumes, including the costume of a cute loveable girl.

 

Stay away from her because she means trouble. She needs you like the robots in the movie MATRIX needed humans to use them as an energy supply.

 

She is an explosive device. You can realy get damaged here! yes, you are attracted to her, but I'm attracted to jumping of a plane, would i do that?

 

NC + DDTAH (Dont Dare Thinking About Her )

[Jermain]

@Trovador , @somegoodman , @mangetout , lolablue17

 

Thank you all for reading and giving me feedback about my situation. I do appreciate it.

 

 

You all have the same conslusion actually and I somewhere deeply know it is true. But you know the truth hurts. I will take all your advices and continue my NC with her. I will start also stop checking her FB and stop obsessing her. The only thing that is bother me, is that she will be coming back in 2 weeks. And the chance of me seeing her is like 99%.. we live like 2 blocks away.

 

What do you guys suggest me to do. Just act cold not even wave or say hi just cold ignoring.

 

Or wave say hi and ask her how her holiday travel around the world was.

 

Or what??

 

I am really healing slowly but not as fast as I hope. And I have been with so much girls last year but the true fact is.. All these girls where really nothing for me just for the sex.. LOL.

 

Again thank you all for commenting! It really helps me alot.

 

And yeah I am a kind of sucker for love... doormat and all. I know. But I have stopped ( REally I am still mad at how she did me last year ) But it is the IDEA that her love was not meant to be and she really never loved me.. ( Otherwise she would be so super selfish and acting like that ) that is killing me. Its like the whole relationship she was faking till she finally found other things that where more interesting and other things that she saw that made her more secure about herself and.

 

Thanks guys!!!

[Trovador]

Hey man, my ex and I were coworkers (I know, I know), in fact that has happened more than a couple of times, he he...

 

Don't worry about seeing her or not... don't worry anymore about her... live your day fully and just be yourself when you happen to see her (but that yourself is the one who needs and wants to be free of her, remember?)... just a good morning will suffice, don't care about what she will think of you of that... she is not your problem anymore...

[Jermain]

Thnx Guys!! Appreciate the support.

[Jermain]

Hello all,

 

Oke Ill keep it REAALY short due to the fact that I already made a blog.

 

So me and my ex where together for 5 years. She broke up with me and after that she was hot and cold, and I was trying to get her back. 2 months ago she left for a world trip and since than I havent heard from her. ( she never kept me up to date or send me a message how things where going ) NOTE that I really did all my best to get her back and she knows that.

 

Oke so in my blog earlier I asked you guys what to do when I would see her as we live in the same neighbourhood. You all said just hi and dont bother saying anything more.

 

So yesterday I saw her in a store. I walked pas her pretending I didnt notice her. Suddenly she was in front of me saying: HEJ!! you saw me and just walked pas me?!?.. she presented herself really like: HEJ HERE I AM!!

 

So I acted super cold.. (man that was hard ) I said Hej how are you doing? She said goood and you.. than there was a few seconds of silence and she said: oke never mind. she turned around and left a little confused. From my experience I know she would think I would walk after her and start a conversation. But I did the hardest thing.. and just walked right out of the store not even looking at her. I could see from the side that she was looking at me.

 

PFfff I can tell you that was hard.. I really wanted to ask her how her world travel was etc etc. But I am still feeling bad about how I reacted.

But I havent heard anything from her still.. ( she is the type of person that wants me to contact her first )

 

Do you guys think I did the best or was it too harsh?

 

I am still not willing to contact her because in last year of break up she never contacted me once.. I was always the one contacting and breaking NC.

 

Thanks guys!!

 

For those who want to know the total story.. read my first blog here.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/467712-even-after-1-year-i-am-still-not-over-me-ex-girlfriend

 

GR,

 

Jermain!

[a0009]

You did your best and you got to lock your feelings and show her you will not be chasing her and care anymore or text her. What i understand from what you wrote is that she does not want you back and she wants to do her own thing. if she comes back to you she will break up with you after sometime. You acted like a man and I salute for that

[smuggy95]

i dated a guy friend of mine who I loved as a friend but nothing more. after we broke up, I continued to act like his friend, too close, but not wanting anything more.

One day I asked if I could borrow his DVD. His face looked hurt, and he said, no, he's worried they will get scratched up (he used to say everything that was his was mine while we were dating).

I know he wasn't really worried but trying to set boundaries. I looked confused too, but honestly, at the end of the day I was just a little bit annoyed and still did not want him back nor did I worry about.

 

 

he occupied very little of my mind.

[Jermain]

Oke! So I gues what you are trying to say is that.. Even tough you say you where "friends" the friendship didnt even occupy a little of your mind.. After he changed his behavior.. But isnt that odd?!

[Jermain]

A small update,

 

Just now she sent me a whatsapp message with a picture of me that I posted online ( it was a funny pic) she sent it and commented with: :D:D:D:D

 

Pff so confusing? I havent replied. Why is she trying to get contact with me? Maybe she cant believe the fact that I didnt give her the attention she wanted when I saw her after she travelled 2 months around the world.

 

Let me know guys.

 

Thanks!

[lolablue17]

Jemain - you did absolutely GREAT!

 

1. You proved you can control yourself. It's powerfull.

 

2. You took also control of what's going on between you and her. She thought you are in her pocket, but now she knows you're not!

 

3. You see? When you ignore her, she searches for you more. she is trying to find a root to get to you. (Maybe not to be back together)

 

You know something? the last time when she missed you and wanted you back, remember? I suspect If you didnt take her right away, and played it hard to get, eventually she'd hold more much more than a week like she did.

 

But you should stay strong. Enjoy the feeling of independence and control. Dont lose your power over a 'small change' like her temporary attention. Dont sell your self at all, definitely not for small change.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

Her wanting attention, or having mixed feelings, or being a drama queen, is not a reason to pay attention.

 

It's hard in these days of social media but you must disengage in your head, remove your head from this game. Ignore these little gestures, they are only designed (even if unconsciously) to draw you back in to the point where the pschodrama can begin again.

 

Good luck. Learn, and keep strong.

[cif]

It's annoying and confusing her that you're acting so cold. Thing is, if she doesn't contact you expressly to get back together, there's nothing to do but remain NC. Would you want to be just friends with her?

[Jermain]

Thank you all for your reactions. It does alot to me! Haha thanks guys.

 

 

No I can never be just friends with her and will never want that. I really still want her back.. But I am too mad at her how she behaved after the break up.. So cold. I am continueing NC and wil not break it. I think that If I reply.. She will start ignoring my messages again as she always did after break up... So f**k that:p.

 

She always said that she wasnt ready for "now" ( back than few months after break up) maybe she is now? Or maybe she is just feeling lonely getting back after her world trip I dont know. All I know is that I think about her more than ever and see her in every woman.. Pff and I know the advice: just delete her out your head.. But its WAAAAAAY harder in practise. I am trying but its almost impossible.. This already for one year ( next week it will be a year of break up)

 

Again thank you guys for reaction! It helps me alot!

 

Gr,

 

Jermain

[mangetout]

Jermain she is annoyed that you didn't give her any attention.

 

 

Ha ha it makes me laugh. She dumps you buts expects you to still suck up to her. This is only about her ego and has nothing to do with wanting to rekindle a relationship with you. She just doesn't like being ignored by anyone because she is dealing with REJECTION. Not a nice emotion to deal with as we dumpees know.

 

 

Give her a piece of her medicine.

 

 

Don't contact her. Show her that you don't care if she doesn't care.