confusedxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Alright...so here is a little history behind my question... im 24...will be 25 in a few months. When I was 22 i met a guy who i talked to for 6 months..it never went anywhere although we seemed to really mesh. We did have a sexual relationship but after 6 months of that bull crap i asked him if he wanted it to go anywhere and he said he did not...and then got mad when he realized i had been with someone else..and now looking back i realize he had no right to be mad but i do realize why he was because we did say we would only be have "relations" with one another. But a mistake is a mistake and thats all it was. So about a year went by i moved out of town for a new job...came back home after that year and me and him started to talk...again...nothing came of it, it was as if he was using me but hes such a nice guy that it was disguised i guess. I constantly thought of him the year i was out of town and was so happy he had "forgiven" me enough to talk to me again...at this time i was 23...but it still was not evolving into anything...he actually ended up moving a few hours away and is still that far away...yet i still think of him...and have not been interested in another man since him...i saw him last weekend when he was in town and talked to him and he showed no interest in even hanging out..he actually asked me to introduce him to my friends i was with (in a flirting way)...im depressed and lost and want to know how to let him go and move on. I feel guilty still for being with someone else when we first met...i just hope to find someone else...but i seem to attract the wrong guys and have paid for that in many ways..but i learned my lessons...and yes ive been with other people since him but i have not felt how i felt with him, and me and him werent even in a relationship. I know there is other good people out there and i just need to snap out of this....its gone on for over 2 years now... i want him completely out of my mind..i want the guilt and shame to go away...Anyone deal with anything similar? Probably not but help!
TXGuy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I think the easiest way to get him out of your head is to realize that, no matter what happens in the future, it is impossible to have a committed LTR with this guy. First, he had the opportunity for a LTR with you in the past and declined. It is not likely that he will change his mind. Second, it is extremely (to the point of certainty) unlikely that he will change his mind after you betrayed him. I know you have justified the betrayal in your mind because he did not want to take things more seriously at that time. But that does not change the fact that the two of you had agreed to exclusivity and you broke that. Assuming he did not betray that exclusivity (and you did), I do not think there is any chance that he will take a future relationship with you seriously. Perhaps knowing that a serious relationship with him cannot happen might make getti g him out of your head easier. It is certainly better than holding out hope it might.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) .........but i have not felt how i felt with him, and you will never feel it again because each experience we live is unique. You will not find that feeling again, you will find a much more powerful one. You think what you felt was strong, and you were not even in a loving relationship with him. Imagine what is waiting for you once you experience this with someone feeling as strongly about you as you do for him. Don't you think that would be more powerful than this? Forgetting someone is a decision. He pops up in your mind and you chase him away. Stop looking for him in every man you meet, you won't find him. Start looking for a *genuine* man, one that will have you experience love in a way you have not experienced yet. Edited March 20, 2014 by Gaeta
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Alright...so here is a little history behind my question... im 24...will be 25 in a few months. When I was 22 i met a guy who i talked to for 6 months..it never went anywhere although we seemed to really mesh. We did have a sexual relationship but after 6 months of that bull crap i asked him if he wanted it to go anywhere and he said he did not...and then got mad when he realized i had been with someone else..and now looking back i realize he had no right to be mad but i do realize why he was because we did say we would only be have "relations" with one another. But a mistake is a mistake and thats all it was. So about a year went by... Based on your doing that and your flippant attitude about it, if I was the guy I would never take you seriously again (and it seems he didn't before much either because you were in some weird exclusive relationship but yet not bf/gf.. which doesn't make much sense)... 1
Author confusedxoxo Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Hmm ok thanks.. Like I said it was a mistake and I was being used as a dumb 22 year old girl.. We never stated we were in a commitment but it my head it felt like it was going somewhere.. Now that I'm older.. 3 years later I realized a lot though.. Was just hoping to hear something positive
Phantom888 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Yes you have learned, and are more wise than 3 years ago. But you still have to give yourself time to grow emotionally. For one thing, quit sleeping with guys you are not in a committed relationship with. That's basically the source of your problems. The murky messy toxic interactions will confuse you, and make you want a relationship that can hurt you. Why would you want that?! Take things slow... try to meet good guys with good track records. Stay away from men who are afraid of commitments, because they are selfish users who will leave you hanging. Try to develop a loving relationship based on trust, not spontaneous impulses. Different styles work for different people, but I sense that for you, you need something more traditional to help you heal. 1
Author confusedxoxo Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) I don't know if some of you are trying to be demeaning.. Honestly I'm not making excuses.. But seems some of you are focusing on one aspect.. Which should not make someone who deserved nothing from me in the first place.. I'm sure I just want him because I can't have him.. Thanks for the honesty al Edited March 21, 2014 by confusedxoxo
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