Mrs.Scarlet Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Like that title says my Exmm went back to his ex-wife. I’ve posted parts of my story on here before. A quick recap I and my Exmm both left our spouses for each other so we could be together. We both wasted little time and moved in with each other from the get go. All was good for the first two or three months around December we stared having problems and we broke up in February. Well yesterday I found out my Exmm went back to his wife. Part of me feels hurt another jealous that he gets to go back like nothing ever happened. Everything I did he did, every lie he told I told but nothing changed for him. I give up everything to be with him my family, my home, my husband and even my job just to be with him. Now that it’s over I find myself trying to start all over again in my 40’s. Yet my Exmm gets to go on like nothing ever happened. Thanks letting me rant.
Emilia Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I think the lesson is that when you decide to make a major change in your life, it should be for yourself, not for another person. If your marriage is unhappy, you want a different career, etc, you need to make a change. If you put your life in another person's hands and you make your happiness dependent on them, you set yourself up in a really bad way. 13
Author Mrs.Scarlet Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I think the lesson is that when you decide to make a major change in your life, it should be for yourself, not for another person. If your marriage is unhappy, you want a different career, etc, you need to make a change. If you put your life in another person's hands and you make your happiness dependent on them, you set yourself up in a really bad way. 100% right you should never rely on anyone to make you happy but yourself. I wish someone would have told me that a year ago 2
Clay Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I actually wondered what happened since your last thread. I am a BS myself so a part of me feels like you get what you deserve but another part of me feels sorry for you. It sounds like you made a horrible mistake. I hope you really learn from this experience. The truth is the grass is not always greener some where else. I hope you take some time for yourself and focus on being a good mother for your kids. I hope you try to work well with your xH on co parenting. I can honestly tell you that is the hardest part for me. Thanks for the update. Clay 7
whichwayisup Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Yet my Exmm gets to go on like nothing ever happened. Doubt this very much. You both left your spouses to be together and sadly it didn't work out for you two. You two had already broken up when he went back home and his wife took him back. He has a lot of work ahead of him, trust is going to be a huge issue for a long time for his wife. Take care of yourself, be around people who can be your support system. 9
LadyLee Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 wow that has to suck! I know that it's a hard lesson, but maybe start to focus on your healing. And the healing of your family. It's all about perspective, don't look at it like he gets his cake and eats it too because you really won't ever know what's going on over there. Focus on positive things for: YOU! Good luck. Lee
darkmoon Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) forty-something is not ancient, make plans, keep us posted about them, don't feel lonely, am sixty-one, still fully functional, been heartbroken too, make plans, please yourself Edited March 20, 2014 by darkmoon 1
Author Mrs.Scarlet Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I actually wondered what happened since your last thread. I am a BS myself so a part of me feels like you get what you deserve but another part of me feels sorry for you. It sounds like you made a horrible mistake. I hope you really learn from this experience. The truth is the grass is not always greener some where else. I hope you take some time for yourself and focus on being a good mother for your kids. I hope you try to work well with your xH on co parenting. I can honestly tell you that is the hardest part for me. Thanks for the update. Clay I also feel like I got what I deserved I really f**ked up and I wish I could go back but what’s done is done. Sadly it took me losing everything to learn this lesson. When it comes co parenting my x and I are doing great. He’s really cool about everything. We worked out so I could stay in the family home with kids the days I have them which works great for me since I don’t have my own place yet. It’s only temporary at least until I find my own place
whichwayisup Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Is there any chance that your (ex) husband will take you back or is there a divorce already? Also, would you be willing to go back to him if he was interested in giving you a chance to make things right.
Author Mrs.Scarlet Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 forty-something is not ancient, make plans, keep us posted about them, don't feel lonely, am sixty-one, still fully functional, been heartbroken too, make plans, please yourself Its staring over in my 40’s that’s scares me. I’m at a very low point right now and making the transition from some that had a very easy life financially to now that don’t even have a place that my place and little to no saving. It doesn’t help my new job sucks and pay sucks too.
Author Mrs.Scarlet Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Is there any chance that your (ex) husband will take you back or is there a divorce already? Also, would you be willing to go back to him if he was interested in giving you a chance to make things right. I can’t see my ex taking me back now not after everything I did and the way I acted. Besides he looks happy now he’s been dating someone else for a few months and they seems to be serious. Last thing I want to do is cause him any more pain I just want to see him happy again. If I was given a chance to go back I would. 1
Sub Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 If your husband can find someone and start over relatively quickly after a D, there's no reason you can't at this point. Don't sell yourself short. I'm assuming he's of similar age.
Ruffian1 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Wow, it didn't last very long at all. You made a huge sacrifice for this guy. Just out of curiosity, what problems contributed to your breakup? What problems did he have with his wife that made him leave her? I am just trying to understand these dynamics.
Clay Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I also feel like I got what I deserved I really f**ked up and I wish I could go back but what’s done is done. Sadly it took me losing everything to learn this lesson. When it comes co parenting my x and I are doing great. He’s really cool about everything. We worked out so I could stay in the family home with kids the days I have them which works great for me since I don’t have my own place yet. It’s only temporary at least until I find my own place It is really great that you both work together on the kids. Its my biggest downfall. I can't get her to be reasonable at all even after 7 years of being divorced. I have custody of my kids as well. I do agree I would not try to get back with your xH at this point in time. If thing don't work out for him and the OW then maybe but for now be the decent person and just focus on healing you. Its hard starting over but it can be done. Just take your time and learn from this mistake. There is nothing wrong with you taking time out for you. Clay
jellybean89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Erase for your mind that "he" went back like nothing happened. Trust me, his life isn't as rosy as you are imagining it. The good news for you --- you are embarking on a new journey that YOU get to decide how it goes. I wish you the best.
darkmoon Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) Its staring over in my 40’s that’s scares me. I’m at a very low point right now and making the transition from some that had a very easy life financially to now that don’t even have a place that my place and little to no saving. It doesn’t help my new job sucks and pay sucks too. it is a matter of being spirited, not saying it is 100% easy to flip over, but by spirited I mean the uplifting of the self, of your outlook, of your imagination, so do not brood on the past, do not stagnate as if your biography ends here, no, at sixty-one, I have no money or big status either, just me and my new interests, I am not the person I was one decade ago, or two or three decades ago, you just change, one example is to go blonde (or blonder...) just for the hell of it, try some new input/s, politics or hair or reading matter, something entertaining... Edited March 21, 2014 by darkmoon
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