Gaeta Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 ... and so I told him I would like to take things slow too but I didn't hear back from him. I would like more details on that part. You reached to him and he said he was not ready for a relationship. He said that to let you down easy but you didn't get that so you offered to take things slow and he never replied. My question is did you insist to a point where he had no choice to ignore you because you could not take no for an answer?
bene Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I know you are all right. I guess there was a small part of me that thought that maybe he's been wanting to reach out all this time but was too scared to incase I was mad at him, or incase I had met someone else... But I realise that chance is very small. He is quite shy, but then his shyness didn't stop him from pursuing me initially! I have learned from experience that men don't suddenly get scared to contact you if they weren't too scared to pursue you in a first place. Think about it - if he was brave enough to pursue you when you were a stranger, why would he suddenly be scared when you already know each other and have slept together? Did you somehow turn scarier meanwhile? I don't think so. I can understand shyness in early stages of approaching and dating women but it is not shyness if a guy sleeps with you and then disappears. Let this one go. If you go out with him, it could create some fake idea of being together and it only leads to heartbreak if he doesn't really feel the same because you don't see him as only a friend, do you?
bene Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Am I just being naive or why can I not see he's this horrible guy that you guys say he is? He made a LOT of effort with me, more than any guy I've known.. he was also very nervous around me, took him 3 dates to pluck up the nerve to kiss me.. I had to go away on business for about a month, and he contacted me every day without fail, filling me in on his day, sending me pictures, sending looong messages, etc... Then after about 2 months is when we became intimate. He doesn't have to be some horrible jerk or player and he might have really liked you but eventually felt that he's not that into you to have a relationship. Personally I don't understand either how people can be lovey-dovey for months and then seemingly overnight discover that it's not what they want. Has happened to me and it really hurts and confuses. But I've began to think that maybe for some guys this is way how they treat a woman they date even when they are not all that serious. Maybe the daily interaction and other cute stuff just is their dating style (and apparently it works with women).
Author camillerose Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 I would like more details on that part. You reached to him and he said he was not ready for a relationship. He said that to let you down easy but you didn't get that so you offered to take things slow and he never replied. My question is did you insist to a point where he had no choice to ignore you because you could not take no for an answer? Ah ok, I will try to be as detailed as poss... so everything was great, he was initiating dates, contacting me every day almost, being very sweet, affectionate...etc.. but then once things became intimate I don't know if it was me becoming paranoid, but I noticed he was initiating dates less and taking longer to contact. So I thought I would hold back and see if he would make more effort. The final time we saw eachother, he was still very sweet and affectionate, but after I didn't get contact from him for 3-4 days, which I was pretty upset about. No text saying what a nice evening he had with me or anything. I didn't want to reach out as I wanted to see if he would make effort. So once he contacted me asking how I was 3-4 days later, I replied saying I was confused my his inconsistency and asked where I stood, that I don't usually have sex with someone and then not have contact. He then apologised and said he had been really busy and tried to make plans for another date. I didn't reply for a few days as I was a bit confused/pissed off with his response, and when I asked him what he had in mind he didn't reply. A week went by and I reached out to him, as I thought maybe I jumped to conclusions/confused him with my initial text, so I told him something along the lines of that I was sorry if what i said was weird but i wasn't into playing games and that if he didn't want to continue to just let me know. He then replied saying that he had become really confused with what was going on with us, he was eager to get to know me better and to take things slow, but felt like i wanted something more serious from him which he wasnt ready for as he had come out of a relationship recently. So I told him I didn't want to rush into a relationship either, just didn't want to feel messed around for sex, and that i was keen to take things slow too. That is when I didn't get a response.
Emilia Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Ah ok, I will try to be as detailed as poss... so everything was great, he was initiating dates, contacting me every day almost, being very sweet, affectionate...etc.. but then once things became intimate I don't know if it was me becoming paranoid, but I noticed he was initiating dates less and taking longer to contact. So I thought I would hold back and see if he would make more effort. The final time we saw eachother, he was still very sweet and affectionate, but after I didn't get contact from him for 3-4 days, which I was pretty upset about. No text saying what a nice evening he had with me or anything. I didn't want to reach out as I wanted to see if he would make effort. So once he contacted me asking how I was 3-4 days later, I replied saying I was confused my his inconsistency and asked where I stood, that I don't usually have sex with someone and then not have contact. He then apologised and said he had been really busy and tried to make plans for another date. I didn't reply for a few days as I was a bit confused/pissed off with his response, and when I asked him what he had in mind he didn't reply. A week went by and I reached out to him, as I thought maybe I jumped to conclusions/confused him with my initial text, so I told him something along the lines of that I was sorry if what i said was weird but i wasn't into playing games and that if he didn't want to continue to just let me know. He then replied saying that he had become really confused with what was going on with us, he was eager to get to know me better and to take things slow, but felt like i wanted something more serious from him which he wasnt ready for as he had come out of a relationship recently. So I told him I didn't want to rush into a relationship either, just didn't want to feel messed around for sex, and that i was keen to take things slow too. That is when I didn't get a response. I see what you mean that it could have been an emotional response on his part, especially if his previous relationship had been messed up. However, nothing you said would make me think that he would be scared to contact you. Maybe he either already started fading (and that's what you picked up on) or he withdraws when there is conflict. Quieter men can be like that sometimes. I still don't think you should contact him.
Gaeta Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 He then apologised and said he had been really busy and tried to make plans for another date. I didn't reply for a few days as I was a bit confused/pissed off with his response That's bad. You are having a conversation with him, he's talking about making plans to spend time with you and you don't reply. You let him hang there. By doing this you are sending the message it's an acceptable behavior in your book so don't be surprised he does the same. You could have answered you were confused and would think on it and get back to him. Treat people the way you want to be treated. 1
Emilia Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 That's bad. You are having a conversation with him, he's talking about making plans to spend time with you and you don't reply. You let him hang there. By doing this you are sending the message it's an acceptable behavior in your book so don't be surprised he does the same. You could have answered you were confused and would think on it and get back to him. Treat people the way you want to be treated. This is actually true as well though I suppose you could argue that it was his fading that had started first. Perhaps.
Author camillerose Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) That's bad. You are having a conversation with him, he's talking about making plans to spend time with you and you don't reply. You let him hang there. By doing this you are sending the message it's an acceptable behavior in your book so don't be surprised he does the same. You could have answered you were confused and would think on it and get back to him. Treat people the way you want to be treated. I know it was bad, and I did think once I replied I wouldn't get a response. But then I thought well he didn't contact me for 3-4 days either! However I didn't do it to be spiteful, when I first got his message I was ready to just walk away, I felt pretty used at the time, so I was quite upset. but then after a few days I realised that I did want to see him again and after all, even though he didn't give me the response I wanted, he still apologised plus tried to make plans to see me. I did apologise when I did respond though for taking my time, I said I needed time to think. Edited March 21, 2014 by camillerose
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