warrenorabbits Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I'm really interested in this girl and early on there were real sparks flying -- lots of common ground and lots of really fun conversation. It so happens that we see each other often (we work on opposite ends of a large building) so she says jokingly "You really have to stop stalking me! You're in clear violation of the restraining order." (Just joking about that last sentence.) For about a day, though, she hasn't been responding to my texts. I've sent two "sets" of them without a response, and my rule is that I back off at that point. (Unfortunately, the second one was a joke about the "stalking" that, in retrospect, may have been creepier in text than in person ... but it wasn't anything psycho.) So, since I'm still interested in her, I don't want to abandon hope over a text message, since not responding can mean so many things. But I don't want to annoy her at the same time. Is there a way to ease back in to things and get a clearer picture? I've thought about inviting her (as part of a mass mailing) to a group game night that I have with co-workers; that would create lots of opportunities for conversation without the weirdness of 1-on-1.
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 And also sticking to in-person communication till then.
gaius Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 All you can really do is let her come back to you. Any further communication on your end will just dig the hole deeper. And if she doesn't, oh well. On to the next one. 2
Gaeta Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Nope nope nope, you've done enough, leave it alone now. If she likes you she won't let a bad-joke text get in her way and she will get back to you. 2
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 The problem for me is that "the next one" is often so far in the distant future ... as it stands I'm in a new community and pretty much at work (which is hours-intensive) or home. I've started going to a local church and am trying to go to more church-related events so that may provide some opportunities, though. It's also just a bummer. We seemed to really hit it off, and then, inexplicably ...
gaius Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 The problem for me is that "the next one" is often so far in the distant future ... as it stands I'm in a new community and pretty much at work (which is hours-intensive) or home. I've started going to a local church and am trying to go to more church-related events so that may provide some opportunities, though. It's also just a bummer. We seemed to really hit it off, and then, inexplicably ... I get that. But at the end of the day pouring more communication into a black hole does nothing but lessen your chances with this one. I had to wait out one of my dream girls for 6+ months after she stopped responding to me. But she came back around eventually and we ended up having a pretty good relationship for a while. Probably helped that I was dating someone else during that time though. 1
Michael91 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 So, since I'm still interested in her, I don't want to abandon hope over a text message, since not responding can mean so many things. But I don't want to annoy her at the same time. Is there a way to ease back in to things and get a clearer picture? I've thought about inviting her (as part of a mass mailing) to a group game night that I have with co-workers; that would create lots of opportunities for conversation without the weirdness of 1-on-1. Inviting her to a group think might work since, if she is interested, likely she will accept. However, can't you call her and ask for a date? If she makes some excuse then you have your answer.
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I was talking to this girl and things were going really well and we had great chemistry and then ... nothing. Stopped responding to texts and didn't return one of my calls. I know people have the right to change their minds, but I wish they didn't, especially so inexplicably. It's really a bummer to get excited and then get the door closed. Other fish in the sea, I know. But I kind of wanted that one. She was shiny.
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 One person often has a view of the date that differs with the other. You may have thought it went "really well" but the girl did not. Also, there could be other factors that have nothing to do with the "chemistry."
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I know it sucks, nothing you can do about it but to accept it's part of online dating. My philosophy on it is to meet asap so the guy sees what I am about. I have more impact on him in person than on text. If she meets you and you grab her attention then you are one step ahead of all those other dudes she has on text.
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I know it sucks, nothing you can do about it but to accept it's part of online dating. My philosophy on it is to meet asap so the guy sees what I am about. I have more impact on him in person than on text. If she meets you and you grab her attention then you are one step ahead of all those other dudes she has on text. We saw each other in person, the texting was just at night. Thanks for the encouragement. (Au fait, comme Québecoisse est-ce que tu parles français ?)
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 One person often has a view of the date that differs with the other. You may have thought it went "really well" but the girl did not. Also, there could be other factors that have nothing to do with the "chemistry." We didn't go on a date; it was literally this: we were texting and mid-conversation it stopped. And the last sentence was not "I am actually a woman" or anything consequential.
quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I was talking to this girl and things were going really well and we had great chemistry and then ... nothing. Stopped responding to texts and didn't return one of my calls. I know people have the right to change their minds, but I wish they didn't, especially so inexplicably. It's really a bummer to get excited and then get the door closed. Other fish in the sea, I know. But I kind of wanted that one. She was shiny. I feel for you brother, it happens. You learn from experience. Although it is very tough, try not to get too emotionally involved too early. Keep things light and fun for the first few dates. By the third date you should begin to know whether she is still into you. Texting can be deceiving because it makes you feel that your further with a person than you actually are. Use texts for a bit of fun and a way of casually asking her out. It is on the dates that you persuade her to be with you. Texting is the go-between. The first and second date are very important. Here is where you decide whether you are right together. If I'm going on a first and second date. I try to be confident, natural and conversational try to be light and funny. Try not to draw too much from texting, it is so hard to gauge. Hope my waffling helped lol
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 We didn't go on a date; it was literally this: we were texting and mid-conversation it stopped. And the last sentence was not "I am actually a woman" or anything consequential. Ah, sorry. Well, then you really didn't have any chemistry at all. Come on, texting/emailing a conversation to one another is not "chemistry." In any case, who the heck knows what happened. She didn't know you, you didn't know her and so no one has any obligation to explain anything.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (Au fait, comme Québecoisse est-ce que tu parles français ?) Oui, je suis francophone
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Ah, sorry. Well, then you really didn't have any chemistry at all. Come on, texting/emailing a conversation to one another is not "chemistry." In any case, who the heck knows what happened. She didn't know you, you didn't know her and so no one has any obligation to explain anything. I didn't explain very well -- we knew each other in person; I say we had chemistry based on our conversations. And I didn't say anyone had any obligations.
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I didn't explain very well -- we knew each other in person; I say we had chemistry based on our conversations. And I didn't say anyone had any obligations. Look, you're wondering why people just disappear and I'm giving you my take on things. Sometimes they just do and one reason is b/c they don't feel any obligation to explain anything to you when they do, especially since you never met, are total strangers and nothing more.
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 How many times did you see her? People disappearing with no words under 3 dates is regular stuff with online.
soccerrprp Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 How many times did you see her? People disappearing with no words under 3 dates is regular stuff with online. I'm a little confused myself on this. He says that he knew her in person? So, they have met, right? I don't understand how and why you went from meeting and being with someone in person to being cut-off via texting. So the chemistry developed from face2face conversations and/or texting? So, no dates, right?
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) I'm a little confused myself on this. He says that he knew her in person? So, they have met, right? I don't understand how and why you went from meeting and being with someone in person to being cut-off via texting. So the chemistry developed from face2face conversations and/or texting? So, no dates, right? The timeline is that first we met casually in person (at a dinner party), then I asked for her number, she gave it to me, and :bunny:then it was a combination of seeing her around the office during the day (unplanned) and texting at night. Last time I really talked to her iat length in person was Monday. That night we texted and the conversation was going well and then stopped. Tuesday I saw her briefly, no response to my text later that day. Called yesterday, nothing. No formal dates, and the basis of the "chemistry" was our conversations in person, which were lively and entertaining. We even found out that we both liked this really obscure indie band. Does this explanation help? Edited March 20, 2014 by warrenorabbits
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Waiting for her to respond is the right move. But you could also send a non sequitur text after like a week but i dunno... If she's not showing interest don't show her future attention.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 The timeline is that first we met casually in person (at a dinner party), then I asked for her number, she gave it to me, and :bunny:then it was a combination of seeing her around the office during the day (unplanned) and texting at night. Last time I really talked to her iat length in person was Monday. That night we texted and the conversation was going well and then stopped. Tuesday I saw her briefly, no response to my text later that day. Called yesterday, nothing. No formal dates, and the basis of the "chemistry" was our conversations in person, which were lively and entertaining. We even found out that we both liked this really obscure indie band. Does this explanation help? From your above post, it established for me that you never asked her out. You never let her know your interest was romantic. You talked to her about casual stuff one would talk to with just about anyone. It helped me to establish that she sees you as a friend, and since you started becoming more aggressive and she is starting to figure out you like her romantically, she is pulling back because her interest was and still is platonic friendship. It is always best to establish expectations right off the bat. When I dated, if my interest was romantic or sexual, I established it within a few minutes of talking with flirting or body language. Hating to be the messenger of bad news, Grumps 1
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 From your above post, it established for me that you never asked her out. You never let her know your interest was romantic. You talked to her about casual stuff one would talk to with just about anyone. It helped me to establish that she sees you as a friend, and since you started becoming more aggressive and she is starting to figure out you like her romantically, she is pulling back because her interest was and still is platonic friendship. It is always best to establish expectations right off the bat. When I dated, if my interest was romantic or sexual, I established it within a few minutes of talking with flirting or body language. Hating to be the messenger of bad news, Grumps I disagree that I gave that impression. I asked for her number, which is pretty much the international signal for "let's see if we can be more than friends." That's the point at which "I have a boyfriend" always comes up, for example. Also, I was definitely flirting (although trying not to be weird about it).
Author warrenorabbits Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Well, now I'd say I'm about 50% over it. You can see how it's disappointing but, you know. One thing I might do is, if we cross paths again in person, just casually bring it up (in some kind of clever, joking way) and see where that goes.
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