Sakra Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I've been with this amazing wonderful guy for 19 months. We're both young but serious people (age: 20+) I've been very much in love with him, he is my first boyfriend, my first everything. I love him... but I don't feel passionate anymore. I only feel some passion when we make love or he spontanously kisses me or says something deep about me that I didn't see coming. I still think he's cute, although I sometimes look at him without feeling a thing. Nothing, whilest in the beginning I would look at him and think : 'I'm so happy that his is the face my children are going to have, i so hope they look like him. I'm panicking I feel some distance between us. The true connection that we had the first 16 months is gone and I'm sooooo longing to get it back. I know this is the next phase, but my head won't accept it. I'm so scared it's going to be dull and the moment I notice that I'm not having that much fun when I'm with him I flip out. My head goes spinning, I'm so stressed out because I think I'm falling out of love with him. I'm scared to plan my life with him just because I almost sure we wont make it, because this isn't supposed to happen. People have to be a 100% sure when they descide to be together forever. They should always feel love and I'm flipping out, because the man is perfect. And I don't want to lose him. But I'm already preparing for the end, already pushing my feelings down and out. Please help me, this is a perfect relationship, we never fight, he makes me laugh, even when I'm down but I've been so depressed and numb for the past 5 or 6 weeks that I'm scared I've killed it anyway. I've ruined my own feelings but I really really want that life with him. He could give me everything. Please, how to stop these thoughts !!! I'm ruining a perfectly healthy relationship with a wonderful, intelligent, handsome man with a nice family and a very good job. I'm just scared that we won't make it, it will get boring, or I'll start being annoyed/annoying and he'll run anyway. Please, I need to feel again, these thoughts are crippling me. Please, any tips to control the thoughts and be exited for the future again? We could have such an amazing life together and I would be in love with him if I didn't have these thoughts. I'm just so focused on them, I can't seem to kill them. Please don't tell me to break it up. I'm not a quitter, I want to fight. I'm not giving up a perfect relationship. Please help me... I'm desperate... and excuse the mistakes, I'm foreign.. but help!! I really know I could have a life with this man, a life I want, we want ...
quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Hey there. Firstly I would try and count yourself lucky that you have found this amazing guy. Try to look on the bright side, 'the glass is half full'. ALL relationships need a lot of hard work to make them work. Like all things in life they take effort. There are always going to be times when life and relationships seem mundane, life can in itself sometimes feel dull. Fight through that, try and find things to keep things exciting. Whether that be a day out, going on holiday, trying a new restaurant, getting dressed up and going to the theatre. Or even more intimately, perhaps try something new in the bedroom. To me you sound like a good couple, just try and make it work the best you can, and try to enjoy it. If you still decide down the road that this relationship isn't right for you then you can leave. But I would really give it a good go, you don't want to regret it later. I hope that things work out for you, I wish you all the best 1
FrostBlaze Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) I think you are just in the doubting phase. Happens to most couples who are in a LTR, they kinda start to doubt their partner since they don't feel the same, honeymoon phase over and all that...and this is your first relationship. I've seen it before, but it never happened to me so don't take my word for it. Ussually they get their feelings back or realized they are over-reacting to it, might be your case. It's obvious you can't feel the initial love for the entirety of your relationship, that fades out with time, and you just LIKE IT, but if you don't like it at all, then there's a problem. However you can spice things up in bed and try new things, get the interest kicking again. I love chocolate <3, not as much as when i first experienced it, but i still like it. But i combine chocolate with some other new flavour to spice it up, i love it again xD. Bahaha, bad example ). Edited March 20, 2014 by FrostBlaze 1
Author Sakra Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I think you are just in the doubting phase. Happens to most couples who are in a LTR, they kinda start to doubt their partner since they don't feel the same, honeymoon phase over and all that...and this is your first relationship.. Thank you so much for replying. It is my first relationship and this phase is completely new to me. I just had that romantic thought that it would last forever. My only other example of a relationship that I saw developing is the one my parents have and they... well they are still together but I don't really know why... One just follows the other, while the other is just plain awful ... always critisizing everything he does, every word he says... I just don't want that... In the beginning of the relationship I really gave my all, trying to be perfect whilest still being me, not giving false hope. We are very different (he's nature, I'm culture, mountains vs. city) but we have common grounds in our fascination in architecture and design. And we have the same goals, the same ideas about what life should be like. I really don't want to lose him, I'm so hoping I'm not falling out of love with him that it is all i can think about, so I am constantly busy with my feeling and now , because i couldn't let them go, it all feels so numb.. I cried last night... he held me, he just held me, trying to understand... I've been crying a lot, cause i feel I have to let him go if i'm not fully in, but i still want him you know, it's so confusing. What did the other couples do that you've mentioned? How did they handle the doubting phase??
xxmusical Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Did you ever talked to him about what you're feeling? I remember when I had one of these phases, I would get super moody and depressed. My SO knew something was wrong and would bug the hell outta me until I finally tell him what was bothering me. After his reassurance and comforting words, I was all right again. The feelings came back. The relationship became stronger. And now we're still together after dating 8 years Looking back, these phases in relationships could either make or break. It really depends on whether you're willing to put effort into making it work. Stop worrying and enjoy the present. And talk to him Good luck!
FrostBlaze Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) If you still want him, it's either because you are selfish to let go, or still love him. I will go with still loving him. Talk it over. Maybe you are toghether and in contact to much, some distance can make you realize pretty quick that you miss and love him, or not. But i don't recommend this however xD. You are overythinking it, if you didn't CARE, you wouldn't CARE about it not working out. The fact that you put effort into finding a solution is sign enough you love him still. You just need to figure this out somehow, talk to him. About my friends, idk how they did it, i never asked, i just noticed, she was also worried he is not man enough, kinda belittleing him often. She was worried for him, valentine came, the guy did some things for her, she also got very sick and a close relative of hers almost died, she panicked. He acted like a man and helped her through the problems, then she suddently changed her mind and was thinking very highly of him, love was back. There are different situations, this is just one, all i can tell you is to talk to him about it, but in a kind way. DOn't overreact to it like "I DON THINK I LOVE U ANYMORE" <--don't do that xD. Edited March 20, 2014 by FrostBlaze 1
Emilia Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You are both kids, don't take life so seriously. 20 years old is barely out of school, your brain doesn't stop developing until you hit 25. Both of you will go through major personality changes in your 20s, no rush to turn a teenage relationship into something committed when you don't even know who you are yet. I know you think you do because you are both 'serious' but trust me, you have no idea. 4
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