JulietteTx Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Mark and I have been on and off for ten years. I'll try to make this as short as possible. Ten years ago we met, each had one son in elementary school. We fell in love, rushed into marriage then realized blending our lives would be way too hard on our boys. Divorced 4 mos. later but kept dating on and off. Our boys could not get along so we just never forced it. We broke up and I started dating someone else (he got really upset) but I had to end it to move on with my life and find someone who could accept my son. Needless to say I never found love with anyone else since. Ten years later our boys are grown and on their own. A year ago Mark contacted me and we met for dinner. Went to his house to talk and he tried going further, I pushed him away and left. He then told me he had hoped something was still there but he didn't have the feelings for me anymore. I knew this was an attempt to hurt me and get me back for the last time I ended it. He started dating someone else and 6 months later on Christmas morning I get the breadcrumb text "Merry Christmas". I had deleted his number from my cell & texted back the same thinking it was someone I worked with. Never thought anything else of it. Got a text two weeks before Valentine's Day, totally out of the blue, saying after all this time he still thought about me and missed me. I waited, texted back and said "Really? Thought those feelings were gone". Then he texted me on Valentine's Day then finally asked me to dinner. Dinner date I kept my wall up, we sat and talked but I left as soon as we were done. He asked me out on two more dates after and everything went well. I let down my guard a bit more and we had a good time. He said he felt we were always meant to be, etc. I still love him, I missed him a lot, we are meant for each other because we both love the same things (hunting, fishing, beach). We can get along great and be fine but he can't seem to let go of the past (me divorcing him and breaking up with him - even though I had to at the time and he agreed it was the right decision because of our boys). He's holding a grudge against me for that and I'm scared he's just luring me on to eventually get back at me and hurt me. Last weekend we had sex and it was great but he has yet to say "I still love you" or "I love you". In our early time of dating he romanced the heck out of me with flowers, cards, endless I love you's, etc. He's told me I look pretty but he is holding on to his walls. I'm getting bored because this can only go so far - I need romance and to know his intentions. I'm starting to pull back now and not be so available, not so quick to answer his texts and phone calls because maybe I'm coming across too easy. I dunno - we love each other and nothing is holding us from being together. I'm 51 and he's going to be 56. It's not like we are twenty-something. I have no problem putting my feelings out there and cutting all the b.s. but he seems to not know what he wants. Should I just pull away and be cooler towards him until he proves he's serious? I'm confused because when I ignore him and act cool - he's all over me. When I am myself and profess my feelings - he goes unresponsive. I'm even worried that because the last girl he dated didn't work out is the only reason why he came back to me out of the blue (after telling me the feelings weren't there anymore). I made the mistake of coming back to him too quickly I think. I do love him and think we can make it work if he'd just get over his issues and grudge he has against me. I need advice so anything is welcome!
StrongLass Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) Honestly I think you answered most of your own questions already, especially at the end there lol You probably did move too fast, I've found men usually reach out for a sound, familiar crutch (aka rebound) after getting burned as a way of comforting themselves. I question his seriousness if he ignores you/gets unresponsive when you "are yourself" That's a HUUUUUUUUUUGE red flag. Don't get caught up in the idea of a reunited romance fantasy...ASK him what he wants from you. Then decide if you like what you hear...if it matches his actions. Edited March 20, 2014 by StrongLass
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