darkmoon Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) I am coping with being pestered. Coping feels okay, but not good. I have been pestered before by two people, at different times. I am talking, twelve thirteen times or so, this being about the number of times the pestering efforts tend to go on. They were not love-partners, just acquaintances. Pests are not observant of a hint, so then an explanation of being busy turns into a flat refusal, which turns firm to monotonous. Thirteen "leave me alones" ought to be enough, right? One ought to be, yet here it comes, the pest says "I want to say something to you" like I must now be attentive, no matter what. If people do not like me, I do not pester them, it is a waste of time. I know I must be strong and blunt my pest is not even somebody I trust. Any thoughts about pests? Not everybody acts so spoiled or extreme. I am talking being targeted by acquaintances. Edited March 20, 2014 by darkmoon
Author darkmoon Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) an acquaintance whose friendship I do not want, I do not want to get involved with them Edited March 20, 2014 by darkmoon
Snow101 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 My advice is to be polite but very firm and clear. If they still don't get the hint you gotta find a way to block whatever they are contacting you via. Have you said " look i dont want to be mean, but I'm not interested, I'm sorry, please stop contacting me?"
Author darkmoon Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 they are persistent - it is their persistence that makes this tough, the way they feel they are right to pester
Snow101 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 How are they contacting you? Is this in person? If they still dont get the hint after being nice, now its time to be brutal. You got license, y'all. :pICE COLD BITCH, ENABLE! 1
L1ght Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) From the other side of the fence I will admit that I have been that guy before. The guy who could not let it go and just kept believing their was still a chance no matter how many unanswered emails I sent or how cold my ex was towards me when she did actually bother to reply. I don't know what it is....there is a pull that just keeps on pulling and deep inside your heart you just refuse to believe that they don't love you any more. Accepting the possibility that they for whatever reason are just done and nothing you can say or do will change their mind can sometimes take a long time to reach. Plus it's an ego thing, well it was in my case. Not being willing to accept that they are the ones who dumped you when in reality they had many flaws that annoyed the hell out of you yet you accepted them regardless. I'm done though. No more contact. I have literally said everything I can say. I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been desperate, I've tried reminiscing with her and bringing up the good times, I've tried making her feel guilty for acting like she doesn't care anymore at all....you name it, I've tried it but now its just done. An epic failure on my part though I actually feel like its a blessing because I know deep down she was not the one for me but I did not want to lose and I did not want to be rejected. I have learnt a lot about neediness and desperation, my own insecurities and what I can do to make things better in the future. The first step is acceptance and I totally accept it. Onwards and forwards we march. Peace. Edited March 20, 2014 by L1ght 2
Author darkmoon Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 From the other side of the fence I will admit that I have been that guy before. The guy who could not let it go and just kept believing their was still a chance no matter how many unanswered emails I sent or how cold my ex was towards me when she did actually bother to reply. I don't know what it is....there is a pull that just keeps on pulling and deep inside your heart you just refuse to believe that they don't love you any more. Accepting the possibility that they for whatever reason are just done and nothing you can say or do will change their mind can sometimes take a long time to reach. Plus it's an ego thing, well it was in my case. Not being willing to accept that they are the ones who dumped you when in reality they had many flaws that annoyed the hell out of you yet you accepted them regardless. I'm done though. No more contact. I have literally said everything I can say. I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been desperate, I've tried reminiscing with her and bringing up the good times, I've tried making her feel guilty for acting like she doesn't care anymore at all....you name it, I've tried it but now its just done. An epic failure on my part though I actually feel like its a blessing because I know deep down she was not the one for me but I did not want to lose and I did not want to be rejected. I have learnt a lot about neediness and desperation, my own insecurities and what I can do to make things better in the future. The first step is acceptance and I totally accept it. Onwards and forwards we march. Peace. but love does this to some people, but the person I know is not an ex, there never was much between us, they are just a lonely person, looking to never let go
martaldn Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 From the other side of the fence I will admit that I have been that guy before. The guy who could not let it go and just kept believing their was still a chance no matter how many unanswered emails I sent or how cold my ex was towards me when she did actually bother to reply. I don't know what it is....there is a pull that just keeps on pulling and deep inside your heart you just refuse to believe that they don't love you any more. Accepting the possibility that they for whatever reason are just done and nothing you can say or do will change their mind can sometimes take a long time to reach. Plus it's an ego thing, well it was in my case. Not being willing to accept that they are the ones who dumped you when in reality they had many flaws that annoyed the hell out of you yet you accepted them regardless. I'm done though. No more contact. I have literally said everything I can say. I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been desperate, I've tried reminiscing with her and bringing up the good times, I've tried making her feel guilty for acting like she doesn't care anymore at all....you name it, I've tried it but now its just done. An epic failure on my part though I actually feel like its a blessing because I know deep down she was not the one for me but I did not want to lose and I did not want to be rejected. I have learnt a lot about neediness and desperation, my own insecurities and what I can do to make things better in the future. The first step is acceptance and I totally accept it. Onwards and forwards we march. Peace. I see myself in every single word you said. 1
Snow101 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Yeah...its one thing if this person was an ex or something deep happened between you but this is not that situation.....so I'm giving you permission to be down right mean at this point.
hudson701 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Uhhhh.... Here's a radical idea: block the number?
L1ght Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 but love does this to some people, but the person I know is not an ex, there never was much between us, they are just a lonely person, looking to never let go Threaten to call the police...basically make him feel like a real creeper so he realises he has no option but to stop. If that doesn't work then tell your guy friends, girl friends, co-workers and whoever that the guy is pervert or something messed up like that. If I was a woman and a random guy I had no interest in was pestering me I would scream rape......and probably hit him over the head with a baseball bat.
L1ght Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I see myself in every single word you said. Cool. I know I'm not the only person to go through it but it's always nice to hear validation that other people understand and have been through the same things before. Hope things are looking up for you. 1
martaldn Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Cool. I know I'm not the only person to go through it but it's always nice to hear validation that other people understand and have been through the same things before. Hope things are looking up for you. I am getting there but its hard, it is so true when you say: I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been desperate, I've tried reminiscing with her and bringing up the good times, I've tried making her feel guilty for acting like she doesn't care anymore at all... this is exactly what I have done and I knew I was going no where doing that but I just couldnt stop myself. He never replied to that kind of emails because in my case I knew where he was standing but I didnt want to accept the reality.
L1ght Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I am getting there but its hard, it is so true when you say: I've been strong, I've been weak, I've been desperate, I've tried reminiscing with her and bringing up the good times, I've tried making her feel guilty for acting like she doesn't care anymore at all... this is exactly what I have done and I knew I was going no where doing that but I just couldnt stop myself. He never replied to that kind of emails because in my case I knew where he was standing but I didnt want to accept the reality. Sometimes we need reminding how people can fall out of love with us. I honesty forgot what it feels like and that's why I personally got so carried away trying to win her back after the breakup. I see things clearly now. A lot of it has to do with the fact that so many things were going against the relationship to begin with but at the end of the day she felt like she couldn't do it anymore and as time has gone on since breaking up she feels and cares less and less. It's a little hilarious....from adoration to indifference....from love to hate....a period of time that existed that now is just a distant memory soon to be forgotten. I honestly believe this is a turning point in my life. I believe that in future when a relationship heads towards troubled waters that I have the capacity to do everything differently....I mean I think there comes a time in every relationship where one partner needs to take a breath and analyse if its really what they want or if they do indeed want to end things. Forcing the issue only pushes people away. I couldn't see it before but I absolutely get it now. My day will come where I face the same kind of challenges again and this time I am more ready than I've ever been in my life to do things correctly. 1
martaldn Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Sometimes we need reminding how people can fall out of love with us. I honesty forgot what it feels like and that's why I personally got so carried away trying to win her back after the breakup. I see things clearly now. A lot of it has to do with the fact that so many things were going against the relationship to begin with but at the end of the day she felt like she couldn't do it anymore and as time has gone on since breaking up she feels and cares less and less. It's a little hilarious....from adoration to indifference....from love to hate....a period of time that existed that now is just a distant memory soon to be forgotten. I honestly believe this is a turning point in my life. I believe that in future when a relationship heads towards troubled waters that I have the capacity to do everything differently....I mean I think there comes a time in every relationship where one partner needs to take a breath and analyse if its really what they want or if they do indeed want to end things. Forcing the issue only pushes people away. I couldn't see it before but I absolutely get it now. My day will come where I face the same kind of challenges again and this time I am more ready than I've ever been in my life to do things correctly. I guess we live and learn right? Its good to know other people had my same kind of experiences because before to know this forum I felt I was alone in doing this.. all my friends were ending relationship with no problems and moving on to the next one.. when i was always stuck in this one for years and years. I felt I was very weak and stupid. I am looking forward to the day when all this mess will be only a memory thanks for sharing it with me - It is helping me a lot 1
L1ght Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) I guess we live and learn right? Its good to know other people had my same kind of experiences because before to know this forum I felt I was alone in doing this.. all my friends were ending relationship with no problems and moving on to the next one.. when i was always stuck in this one for years and years. I felt I was very weak and stupid. I am looking forward to the day when all this mess will be only a memory thanks for sharing it with me - It is helping me a lot Other things in life are more important than chasing something that doesn't exist. If it does exist in these kind of extreme circumstances where for whatever reason its withheld by your ex(complications, conflicting interests, complexities of life) then there is always the possibility it will find it's way back to you some time down the road (by which point the chances are you won't care that much anyway) but at this moment it's time to step back into the ocean because there's billions of fish everywhere you look. Glad to help. I'm sure you'll do just fine Keep the faith. Edited March 21, 2014 by L1ght 1
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