markmacww Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 my birthday was last week and my girlfriend got me a candle.i do like it and i enjoy it but i havent used it yet. she came over the other day and noticed and got upset. she said i dont like it ..i do but i don usually use candles and i just havent used it but i will i told her i liked it and tried to calm her down but she said i made her feel horrible can i do anything, anythng at all to make up for this? i dont think i was wrong
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Yeah. Light the bloody thing. Once it's gone, it's gone. 5
lollipopspot Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Is she a bit dramatic over a lot of things, or just this? This reaction is worrisome and would be hard to live with. It's just a candle, nothing really to be upset and need to be calmed down about. 1
Keenly Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 She is being absolutely ridiculous. She doesn't understand gift etiquette , manners, and she thinks she has a say in something because she gave it to you. Don't ever let her buy you dinner, because she might go " WHY DIDN'T YOU EAT YOUR SIDE DISH, I BOUGHT IT FOR YOU SO YOU HAVE TO EAT IT" 1
TXGuy Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 This girl sounds like a nutcase. Suggestion one: just laugh it off. Don't let her get to you. This was a compliance test and you failed. Alternatively, light it when she is there. Because she seems like the type to flip out on you if you burned the candle without her there. I bet she would accuse you of having a romantic time with someone else. Don't sweat this anymore and enjoy the limited time you have left with her. She is not a keeper. If she keeps up this act, show her the door.
lollipopspot Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 If you find her behavior unworkable in your relationship, then make your thoughts and expectations known to her, don't just let it build up. She may not actually realize that her behavior is a bit over the top, especially if you cater to it.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I am just wondering if your apartment stinks. That is the only reason why I can think a woman would think a bloody candle is an appropriate gift for a man. I don't want candles, or doilies, or china, or teacups. Does anyone else find this a weird gift for a dude? My wife gets me stuff like soldering irons, video games, duck calls, fishing lure, or golf balls. G 9
legion113 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Stick it in her mouth and light it, tell her problem solved
GoreSP Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 She is being absolutely ridiculous. She doesn't understand gift etiquette , manners, and she thinks she has a say in something because she gave it to you. Don't ever let her buy you dinner, because she might go " WHY DIDN'T YOU EAT YOUR SIDE DISH, I BOUGHT IT FOR YOU SO YOU HAVE TO EAT IT" This reaction is just as ridiculous. OP just light the damn candle next time she comes over. Pick your battles.
Keenly Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 This reaction is just as ridiculous. OP just light the damn candle next time she comes over. Pick your battles. So show her that her behavior is okay? Validate her irrationality? 1
lollipopspot Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 So show her that her behavior is okay? Validate her irrationality? Being equally reactive ("don't ever let her buy you dinner!"), instead of just talking to her, is also problematic in a relationship. 4
Keenly Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Being equally reactive ("don't ever let her buy you dinner!"), instead of just talking to her, is also problematic in a relationship. That was more of a joke really. Using the absurd to illustrate the absurd.
GoreSP Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 That was more of a joke really. Using the absurd to illustrate the absurd. Funny. I did the same thing.
Phantom888 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 yes it can be upsetting when someone doesn't like your gift. But there is no reason to overreact. Just light it, and enjoy it. Sometimes we don't have time to go through all our gifts.
anna121 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 my birthday was last week and my girlfriend got me a candle.i do like it and i enjoy it but i havent used it yet. she came over the other day and noticed and got upset. she said i dont like it ..i do but i don usually use candles and i just havent used it but i will i told her i liked it and tried to calm her down but she said i made her feel horrible can i do anything, anythng at all to make up for this? i dont think i was wrong Honestly, she's a bit of an idiot. Srsly, who buys their boyfriend a candle as a gift?? Even the super expensive ones from Diptyque...I mean, come ON. If you really like it (and there's nothing wrong with that), tell her you were just saving it for a special occasion. Tell her how much you LURVE it. Honestly, though, I would get prepared for lots and lots of drama if you stick around. 1
Almond_Joy Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 If this is the first time this has hapenned, I'd say light the candle next time she's over. But if she pulls this again or she's done something like this before, I think you should tell her she needs to reassess her motives in gift giving. Her giving a gift isn't about her enjoyment, the gift should be something thoughtful for you to use when YOU feel like it. She's also reading way too much into you not having used it yet. I mean is she gonna do this every time she gets you something? Hard to say from one incident. But it's very bratty behavior, so if you see it happen again please nip it in the bud. 4
Keenly Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You teach people how to treat you. Your next move will either reinforce or put a stop to this kind of behavior.
babycakees Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 She's being immature and picking fights. I always tend to worry about people like this. I've been in this situation and it never gets any better - only worse. 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Wasn't this an exact scene from "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?" Seriously. Absurd. I also agree that unless this is extremely out of character for her you need to address it. A candle? Are you even into candles? Is this a gift you really appreciated? If so that's one thing. But from your post this seems like a poor choice of gift and the fact she's reacting poorly even after you tried to reassure her it was nice is telling. She needs to chill out. Honestly when I was younger I used to pull this kind of behavior just to see what I could get away with or to cause disagreements. Now that I'm older I know it's because I need a guy that feels comfortable setting limits and being upfront about things he dislikes. To me, nothing sucks worse than a guy who can't be honest enough to say when he's really not into something.
Els Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 She's overreacting, but unless it's a pattern, I'd just let it go and light the damn candle. 2
somedude81 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Honestly when I was younger I used to pull this kind of behavior just to see what I could get away with or to cause disagreements. Now that I'm older I know it's because I need a guy that feels comfortable setting limits and being upfront about things he dislikes. To me, nothing sucks worse than a guy who can't be honest enough to say when he's really not into something. Younger as in 8 years old? Is this behavior common for other little girls?
GoreSP Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 A relationship works when both people compromise on some things. We all have quirky behaviors that others will find weird. I think that if this is a first time for OP's girlfriend, then let it go and just light the stupid candle. Doing so will not encourage her behavior. It may not ever happen again. If OP has a fit over his girlfriend being upset every time he feels she shouldn't be upset, it's never going to work. you win some, you lose some. There is also a lot of information missing to establish the bratiness of OPs girlfriend. For all we know, he's been treating her like ***** for weeks.
PogoStick Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Tell her you're saving it for a special occasion, when you have anal sex this weekend.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 ^to go along that train of thought "Oh... Well baby I thought we were saving it to drip hot wax on each other during freaky time!"
FitChick Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 1. "It's so pretty I'd hate to ruin it." 2. "I don't want the smoke to stain my walls." 3. Light it when she is expected to come over.
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