Fluttershy Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 That's untrue. Some BS really need to talk it through many times. Others not so much. If a BS needs more discussion - the cheater should be willing to participate. Anything to restore peace of mind to the betrayed. It's no longer what the cheater does or doesn't want. I think road has a good and true point. But not quite as cut and dried. I don't think it is a ask once and that is it thing. But there is such thing as beating a dead horse. And if a BS keeps askin the same question over and over again and oeeps going in circles and they aren't moving forward all they are doing is torturing themselves. Mentally, they need to take charge of themselves (not talking in the aftermath of dday pr f a trickle truth set more info out). But i aslo don't think the WS should say anything but keep answering the questions and talkig about the A if the BS wants.
Lvsdogs Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I can totally relate to this. My BF is the same way. Home from work, on the computer. It's one of the reasons i started suspecting something bc he was on it until 3 am every night or texting late at night. He was totally ignoring me and his son. I took care of the house and the kids (who aren't mine), and he took care of his own selfish needs on that damn computer. It got so bad that I had to start asking if we could schedule alone time one hour a night where we could connect. He couldn't even do that for me. Whatever had his hold on that computer was more important than me. I even went as far to basically say, "hey, if you come upstairs right now, you're going to get laid." His answer, "you're putting so much pressure on me." Wow. Those red flags were flying up like crazy. If your wife wants to make this work, there needs to be sacrifices. Even if she isn't doing anything inappropriate on the computer, her unwinding time needs to include you. You're working on your relationship together at home, not just in therapy. I hope she starts realizing that.
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