Omei Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) So it's a year later I have met someone.... Yeah I met him on a date site we clicked so well we both even took our profiles down. He's very nice he's been spoiling me like a princess talked for 2 weeks and now we're on our 2nd week of dating with like been hanging out 3 nights a week pretty much so it's around 6ish dates. He is completely deaf but I don't care he's teaching me ASL, tho there are some things I know I will never be able to do like share music etc... I really like him he's been good to me so respectful and very thoughtful and sweet. But I can't shake the feeling that I feel like I will never fall in love with him etc. I get butterflies but only for a short time they quickly go away, I have been having dreams about the new guy so I assume I am really into it deep down, he gets excited about how much he likes me I like him too but its like a nuteral feeling? I don't know how else to explain it. I have a issue now dreams of my ex are back, real like, dreams of him moving on showing me pictures of his new girl (made up) re-saying the things that hurt me so bad, and it makes me sad we've been NC for ages I know nothing about him, I dunno why the dreams are back. My question is, why am I not being like head over heals? Is it because I have changed? I really like this guy and we're taking it ultra slow, only kissed and snuggled no sex yet. I am just really afraid that maybe I cant fall in love anymore? This guy is sweet and he's obviously had issues keeping relationships being deaf and I worry that in a years time I won't feel in love and I am just another girl who's hurt him. I am just worried, I can tell he's liking me much more and faster than I am, I don't think ill ever be a hard faller again. I know I feel ready to meet someone I am just paranoid about myself. I think I have lost a lot of my affectionate qualities that I had before but don't now. Is this normal? or am I being unfair to him? Edited March 19, 2014 by Omei
singme2sleep Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Only advice I can give you is if you really like this guy, just see where it goes. Try not to overthink it and let your heart lead. 3
LostConfused123 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I had a bizarre ex dream last night too. I think it's our brains way of "purging" just a guess but they are unsettling aren't they. As far as the new guy goes, I agree with.Singme2sleep. Just take it slow and see where it goes. I think it's perfectly natural to be a little apprehensive. I'm happy for you though. As long as you don't feel uncomfortable or pressured, I would go for it. Best of luck! 2
singme2sleep Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I have dreams of my ex and also dreams of dating/having a new boyfriend. I think our ex's will always be there in our subconscious, throughout time. If you're having recurring dreams of your ex, try keeping a journal and note the details.
Author Omei Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 I hope so I am worried that I am not showing him enough effection. I am def not as effectionate as I once was. I would write in a journal about my feelings if it was the vampire diaries and everyone fell in love with each other and always forgave no matter if you even kill someone. But I have a feeling if I did that in rl and he found me writing down my ex dreams id get dumped! maybe ;p 1
Author Omei Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) I had a bizarre ex dream last night too. I think it's our brains way of "purging" just a guess but they are unsettling aren't they. As far as the new guy goes, I agree with.Singme2sleep. Just take it slow and see where it goes. I think it's perfectly natural to be a little apprehensive. I'm happy for you though. As long as you don't feel uncomfortable or pressured, I would go for it. Best of luck! He's been the perfect gentlemen! Even gone as far to offer me a ride someplace that was far just so id arrive safely lol I didn't take the ride but this guy sure does prove that knights in shining armor are still around lol Edited March 19, 2014 by Omei 1
STM206 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm currently talking to this guy (it's only been 2 1/2 months) mind you we met originally to basically have sex and be done. However when we met, the sex didn't happen but we spent hours talking and getting to know each other. He is interested and so am I, but I know it's still so soon... And he knows my situation. He said "try to think less and think more with your heart for how you feel" that's the problem to me... I thought with my heart last time, but I also know my heart is still healing from the last guy that I don't want to be stupid and jump into something so soon. I actually care about hurting this guys feelings and have been adamant about taking it really slow... The best advice I can give you is to stand your ground and move slow, be completely honest with him and let him know your thoughts and fears. If he is really taken by you, he will understand and move at a slow pace. In fact, treat it as if it were a friendship for a couple months. Cuddling and all that is great... But you may have to remind him that taking it slow is the best option for you right now. Your heart is still adjusting, you went through a year of recovering from your last partner that now you're comparing, try to give him a chance... You may find that your heart is able to open a lot easier than you anticipated.
Itspointless Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) You worry to much. Sometimes our fears overrule our hearts. With me it results in feeling numb after the first rush of enthusiasm. I have experienced that a couple of times through the years. Do not worry, your feelings will come back. Give yourself time and try to be honest to as possible. See it as a confirmation of the fact that you like him, it makes your heart say, oh boy, that is scary I have to protect myself! Edited March 19, 2014 by Itspointless
Author Omei Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) My problem is I am def *not* thinking with my heart and def thinking with my mind, ive been on a few other dates but ive called it after a day... me and him are 2 weeks in... all i can think about is how its not feeling like magic... how im stressing about losing my space, im getting pressured to learn sign language even faster today.... today im just very stressed.... maybe "looking" for someone wasn't a good idea, maybe im not ready, I wanted to be ready, and yes all i do is compare him to my ex, when im with someone I dont want to do that @_@ all i feel is panic, im freaking out I cant sleep. Edited March 20, 2014 by Omei
Author Omei Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I woke up to a text today "my life is so hard sometimes I wanna cry" This coming from a guy that has all the freedom in the world, uhhhh it freaks me out
KaliLove Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 If it's not there, it's not there. That doesn't mean you'll never fall for someone ever again..it just means that this guy isn't right for you. Regarding your other thread..he sounds severely depressed. I would recommend telling him he needs to get some help and then moving on. You can't fix him, you can't help him, and you're not responsible for taking care of him. I doubt he will kill himself..most people who are actually suicidal don't go around telling people their plans..they just do it. He's just looking for attention and pity because he probably knows that you're not that into him. SO not the right way to get a girl to stick around..geez! He has a lot to learn. 1
JDPT Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I've been in a very situation recently. I felt as if she was investing too much, too fast to the point that it spooked me. Even if I was emotionally available she still wouldn't meet what I'm possibly looking for. My only suggestion is to be very honest with yourself and do what's right for YOU. By doing what's right for you, you will simultaneously do what's best for the other person. There is absolutely no need rush this process. Yes, I was in paint after I spoke to this woman and told her that we couldn't continue to see each other. However, I know deep inside that I did make the right decision and I can now breathe again. 1
Author Omei Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 I did leave the comment he said about suicide spooked me too much.
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