Devildog Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 I was discussing this idea with a friend over the weekend. the last few decades has seen a womens movement towards being stronger, more self-sufficeint. They work just as much as men and do much of the same work men do. In many cases they bring home an equal share of the family income and in some cases more than their husband. I don't think that is a bad thing in any way. But, men have been taught to be strong to be able to support and defend their family. Women on the other hand are being taught to be strong for themselves. They don't need a man and shouldn't rely on a man for anything. I think this is a large part of why the divorce rate has increased so significantly. Women find it easier to walk away from a problem rather than dedicate themselves to fixing problems. This doesn't apply to all women of course, but I think it is a prevalent mindset for alot of women. What do you all think of this theory? Any validity?
alphamale Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog What do you all think of this theory? Any validity? I totally agree DEVILDAWG. When you're no longer financially dependent upon someone then you can go and do what ever the hell u want. He or she who pays the bill also makes the rules.
sunlight Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 I make good money. I have been taught to do things for myself and not have the need to have a man around. But I was also taught morals, and communication and trust. Many people are out for themselves, men and women. They have forgotten that marrage means putting the other person first. When both put the other first you will still be number one. People have forgotten this. They have also forgotten that kids need a good upbringing and attention. Men are not men anymore more flaky today then as little back as 45 years ago, and women have to fend for themselves, so we got stronger, doesnt mean we still dont know how to love and stick something out through and through, we just realize people are not as dependable as they used to be. I need my money. If something happens to my husband, I need to know I can support my kids without having to take him to court. Men used to work hard, used to work when they were sick. Most men have become big babies and are harder to put up with.
brashgal Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 It doesn't matter how financially secure you are or how self-sufficient you are - everyone still needs love. Although I didn't need to be married, I liked being married and sharing my life with someone. I could have extricated myself from my marriage a lot sooner than I did since I made more money than my ex, but I hung in there for 3 years after discovering his first affair. I was also taught to be strong to be able to support and defend my family, not sure why this should just be a male trait. What happens to women who are widowed or whose husbands become incompacitated? Is their only solution to find another man to take care of them? Did my being a strong woman contribute to his leaving? Maybe a little although he is with another very capable woman now who earns her own money and can definitely take care of herself. They just seem to be more compatible (although who knows, everyone's relationships can look great on the surface - hard to know how they are REALLY doing). I do know a lot of other divorced women like myself, fully capable of taking care of themselves but who really tried to keep their marriages together. I also know a lot of successful, professional, strong women who are happily married (or so it seems). Why don't more men just walk away instead of dedicating themselves to working on issues? Do you really think they are more loyal than women? I don't think loyalty, fidelity, responsibility are gender specific traits.
quankanne Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Women find it easier to walk away from a problem rather than dedicate themselves to fixing problems that might be true of someone not committed to a relationship or event, but I still think this is a broad misgeneralization. a long, long time ago, Tony posted something that made a lot of sense to me: when a woman leaves a man, he is often taken by surprise because up until that point, he thought everything was hunky-dory, that there were no problems plaguing his relationship. The woman, however, has exhausted every effort to find a way to resolve the "problem" she perceives in that relationship, and leaving is her last effort. A throwing in of the towel, so to speak, because there's nothing else she knows she can do that will make things right. by instinct, women tend to be nurturers. And when it's someone or something dear to them, they will go all out to ensure things are running smoothly, in my not-so-humble opinion. When she walks, it's either because she doesn't know what else to do, or she never really had a vested interest in that relationship ... When you're no longer financially dependent upon someone then you can go and do what ever the hell u want if you're selfish and inconsiderate, then yes, you do. Most often, two people forging a life together try to find a way to make it work because there's a sense of respect and commitment to that relationship, even if one person seems to be pulling a heavier load of the weight. If something happens to my husband, I need to know I can support my kids without having to take him to court Amen to that, sister! A woman dependent on her husband (or even her daddy) is totally screwed if she cannot fend for herself if he dies or divorces her. Well, maybe not totally, but it makes things all that much harder trying to just survive his loss ....
Matilda Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 In my first marriage, my husband was abusive. I can't tell you how many times I have just been so thankful that I did have a way to support myself and my young daughter at the time. I didn't have to stay in that marriage and be physically abused, and have my daughter witness it, just because I had no other financial options. My mother insisted I learn a profession so I could support myself, and it was one of the best things she ever did for me. (BTW, even though my 1st husband was abusive, we went to marriage counseling and individual counseling. I did try to salvage the marriage, for my daughter's sake if nothing else. However, there is no doubt in my mind, that I did the right thing by getting a divorce from my daughter's father, for both my daughter and myself.) Now, I am married again, to a wonderful man. I am a stay at home Mom. I don't feel that my husband is stronger than me as a person. I feel we have a partnership. He makes more money than me, so he works. He's better at taking care of the yard, so he does that. I am better at taking care of the kids, so I do that. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we work together to do what's best for our family. I am still grateful that if my husband lost his job, or became disabled, I could go to work and support our family. This is a true blessing as far as I'm concerned.
Author Devildog Posted January 27, 2005 Author Posted January 27, 2005 I didn't mean to offend any of the fine people on this forum. I know that most of the women who post here that have some experience in the subject will not fit this pattern. The very fact that you come here for advice and support means you are not the type that cut and run when things get dicey. And I am by no means advocating never getting a divorce. But the "irreconcilable differences" kind where someone doesn't feel like trying, or met someone else, a shiny new bauble, I think is BS. But we as a society have become a disposable society. When is the last time you had a TV repairman fix your TV? Your VCR or DVD player? Your washing machine? You don't usually because it is cheaper, easier and quicker to buy a new one than to fix the one you have. Trust me, I have an uncle who is a TV repairman, and if he didn't do sales as well, he would be bankrupt right now. I think this, coupled with stronger, more independent women that are taught that they don't need a man, has been a contributing factor in the rise in the divorce rate.
alphamale Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog I think this, coupled with stronger, more independent women that are taught that they don't need a man, has been a contributing factor in the rise in the divorce rate. Once again I agree DEVILDAWG. The only thing that some women need men for is as a sperm donor.
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