Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 I will say it again, I feel like there is something you are not telling us. Well, I don't have a physical disability, I'm not a public figure, and I don't wear strange clothing. No one has ever written a book about me and I'm not a wanted criminal. So I'm not sure what I could possibly be hiding. I'm average. Above-average in the boardroom (ie career wise), but overall average -- in looks, in personality, in accomplishments. NOT to be confused with "blah". Average people can be and are attractive and interesting.
Babolat Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Well, I don't have a physical disability, I'm not a public figure, and I don't wear strange clothing. No one has ever written a book about me and I'm not a wanted criminal. So I'm not sure what I could possibly be hiding. I'm average. Above-average in the boardroom (ie career wise), but overall average -- in looks, in personality, in accomplishments. NOT to be confused with "blah". Average people can be and are attractive and interesting. I'm sorry if that came across offensive; it was not meant to. When I was typing it my mind had an image of a woman who really looked like the elephant man, yet thought she was attractive. Even average looking woman have sex, have relationships, date, etc. So I go back to a vibe, an energy, something you "put off" that men pick up on, either in your action, your words, or both. I've dated and had sex with the Barbie bombshell type, and I have dated and had sex with what most would call an average looking woman. I've even been told "you don't match in looks"; meaning, I am "better" looking than my partner. So, it's not all about looks, which we all know. Maybe ask some of the men you have met OLD or been on dates with, "What is it?".
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 a bunch of guys would find your virginity attractive. would have no problem with it myself. are you very rigid in your beliefs? do you smile a lot? are you a glass is half full or half empty person? met a few older female virgins and every one was rigid and uncompromising and unwilling to change, rarely smiled, and was glass half empty type. I'm smiling right now. In fact, I'm laughing. No, I'm not a rigid uncompromising b---h. Hope I spelled the last word right. It's really tempting to generalize, and you know what? It's the labels and generalizations that I'm worried about. Everyone comes to a relationship -- any relationship, not just romantic -- with some biases and preconceived notions. Perhaps, that is what the problem is -- in other words, maybe it's you, not me. I'm joking -- sort of -- but some of the answers I've received on this thread are giving me a different perspective. It may not change the ultimate outcome, but maybe I won't be so hard on myself anymore.
newmoon Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 i waited until 30 for no other reason than I didn't like any guy well enough to sleep with him and i had a rich life and career and dating was not a priority. and there was nothing wrong with me, very attractive, no need for therapy, it happens. your life goes in a direction that doesn't involve lots of dating and meeting and etc. as long as you don't have any serious issues you will be fine and you don't need therapy. i would suggest meeting a partner through friendship first - at this stage of the game i doubt you'd be interested in a hook-up or a online date that turns into a one-night stand, etc. you've probably built up the sex/virginity to such an extent that even if you wanted to it'd be hard to 'just do it.' you'll feel much better about yourself if you have a friend you grow close to and trust. as someone else said, maybe a FWB would work for you. you statement that 99% of the guys online aren't solid matches is troublesome; at your age and in your situation you should probably be exploring a broader field of men and be willing to compromise on some things; they are going to make a sacrifice by hooking up with you so you'll need to make the same effort. you're not un-dateable, but i certainly wouldn't tell any dates this, it's no one's business until you're in a serious relationship. 1
Agent Orange Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I am 43, a woman. Only one serious relationship a few years ago, no sex. Someone else may have asked this already, but was there no sex in this relationship for religious reasons? 1
FitChick Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Post the text from your dating profile and we will critique it. You might be phrasing things in a manner that turns guys off.
mtber75 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 You shouldn't focus on the fact that your a virgin. I mean don't bring it up to you potential suitors! Rather you should promote the fact that you have a stable career and goals in life! Yeah a niche dating website might work for you. Could it be your asexual? Your just might not be interested in sex or getting intimate?
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 You shouldn't focus on the fact that your a virgin. I mean don't bring it up to you potential suitors! Rather you should promote the fact that you have a stable career and goals in life! Yeah a niche dating website might work for you. Could it be your asexual? Your just might not be interested in sex or getting intimate? I am DEFINITELY NOT asexual. I think at some point in my adulthood I had to develop some defence mechanisms so my lack of relationships and need for intimacy wouldn't bother me so much. But once I had a relationship, I couldn't go back to the way I was -- in other words, I got a good sense of what I was missing all those years. (Hard for you to relate to this if you haven't been in my shoes). And I never reveal this on dates.
Phantom888 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 If you want a relationship, go and find it. I know it sounds simple...because it is. Are you withholding information from us? Even ugly women get married, so it can't be your looks. Do you have secrets that prevent men from approaching you, like a hairy tail?
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 If you want a relationship, go and find it. I know it sounds simple...because it is. Are you withholding information from us? Even ugly women get married, so it can't be your looks. Do you have secrets that prevent men from approaching you, like a hairy tail? I don't know what to make of all these "what are you hiding from us?" I can only assume that you really do think there must be something freakish about me and I should be the subject of a documentary or something.
Disillusioned Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Man oh man... I'm 47 and a virgin (straight and openly asexual, too), and I haven't found anything to complain about... aside from just about everyone else in the singles & dating scene treating me like I have leprosy. 1
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 So here is an example. I don't get a lot of matches on eharmony - probably because of "geography", my age, and the fact that I'm not white (I don't screen but others do), But recently did receive an interesting one. I thought about it for a while, and in the meantime he sent me a message. If you don't know eharmony, it has a "guided communication" method whereby you follow a number of steps until you reach the stage where direct email is recommended. You can skip all the steps and jump right to email, but as the guy initiated the guided communication I followed his lead. So we get through 4/5 steps. The second last step is called "dig deeper" where I send him a series of questions (you can choose from a list). He does not answer them. In fact, I have not heard again from him in a few days, although I could see that he checked out my profile last night. I have no idea why all of a sudden I became disinteresting. If we had met, or if we had exchanged emails, then I can surmise that there was something about "me" or my personality that turned him off. But so far, everything is pretty innocuous. Even my "dig deeper" questions at step 4 were pretty safe questions. So I feel like "fate" has always led me to dead ends.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I don't know what to make of all these "what are you hiding from us?" I can only assume that you really do think there must be something freakish about me and I should be the subject of a documentary or something. It's just quite unusual. An attractive woman just usually has so many options to chose from...
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Well, to follow up with the above, I did jump to email and sent him a message ... Just a casual hello, is he interesting in communicating further, I liked his profile. But he didn't respond.
FitChick Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Which celeb do you look like? Perhaps some supporting player on a TV show or the mother of a character, rather than the star. Next time you watch your favorite shows pay attention and get back to us. What are your height, weight, measurements? With the above information we will be able to better advise you. Also, what sorts of men do you find attractive and your "equal?"
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I can tell you why....if you don't portray yourself or are guarded against protraying yourself as a sexy woman, men won't have much of an interest. Sure you have a great career, somewhat attractive, intellectual, etc. That's not what gets mens attention, sexuality does...bottom line. At your age, men don't want wait for marriage or even wait that long period. A lot of them are done with marriage and just want a sexual relationship. They are not getting any younger either, so they are not going to be investing in how you want things to go. You are not in any position to get what you want this late in the game without changing your view on sex.
Author Blue Gardenia Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 I can tell you why....if you don't portray yourself or are guarded against protraying yourself as a sexy woman, men won't have much of an interest. Sure you have a great career, somewhat attractive, intellectual, etc. That's not what gets mens attention, sexuality does...bottom line. At your age, men don't want wait for marriage or even wait that long period. A lot of them are done with marriage and just want a sexual relationship. They are not getting any younger either, so they are not going to be investing in how you want things to go. You are not in any position to get what you want this late in the game without changing your view on sex. Got it. Okay. Although, none of this, my lack of experience, was embedded in my eharmony profile/message. Are you saying I nonetheless give off that vibe, even through a photo and a short write-up about myself? (I don't say in my profile that I hang out in libraries).
Recommended Posts