Is it too late for me?

[greenman77]

I don't really have a question per say but I just feel like writing this and get it out of my system. If you read the whole thing and have any questions or comments or advice don't hesitate to post them. I would certainly appreciate that.

 

I'm 21 years old and moved to another country when I was 18. I left all my family and friends back home to go to college in the U.S. I've been living here for over 2 years now and at times I have found it very hard. I am a very shy person and because of that not as outgoing as I used to be and I am also very reserved. I keep to myself a lot. In all the time that I have been living here I haven't really made any friends. I get along well with people in my classes but it has never developed from that.

 

From time to time a few friends from back home would come to visit and I would hang out with them for a short while and then they would go back, but that's about it. In all the time that I have been here I haven't gone on dates with any girls either. I kind of "dated" a girl back home but it never got anywhere since I had to leave. I'll be graduating in a few months and I am still undecided on what I am doing next. Whether it's transferring to another school or starting to work.

 

I feel like my time is running out. At times I feel like the only way to get a fresh start is by transferring to another school at another state and start fresh again but (for financial reasons) I may not be able to do that and might have to start working instead.

 

Obviously, I have had enough. I've had a hard time meeting people and developing friendships and I also feel like that has hold me back when it comes to meeting girls too. I am a very shy person and usually make excuses when it comes to asking girls out. There are two girls right now in two of my classes that I would like to ask out but I feel like if I were to summon the courage to ask them out and it works out, once we start dating and she sees that I don't really have any friends here, she might find that weird and be turned off by it. I guess I would be interested in you guy's (girls) opinion. How would you react?

 

Or am I being to hard on myself? Back in my home country I had a core group of best friends who I have known since I was 6 years old going to school together all the way until graduating high school. Moving to another country, a new way of life, culture etc. made it hard.

 

I guess I am just trying to get this out of my chest because I am very frustrated and disappointed on how its been so far. Is it too late for me? If you are a girl would you find that weird? The fact that I don't really have any friends at this point after living here for a few years?

 

I guess I did have a few questions in the end. If you read this all the way though, I really appreciate it. Any comment that you have is welcomed. Thanks.

Edited March 19, 2014 by greenman77

[Chalkdust89]

My perspective is that of both a female, and someone who works with international students at the grade school and college level. I understand how you are feeling because many of my students experience the same thing!

 

Do you go to a school with a lot of international students? Is there any way that you could make a club or organize some events for the international students in your school/community? Maybe try meetup.com or couchsurfing.org to find groups that align with your interests or people who travel and are interested in learning about other cultures and languages. Even though they come from many different backgrounds, my international students are all very close because they share the same experience of being away from home and the people they love. They have become their own American, home-away-from-home family! And yes, some of them have boyfriends or girlfriends, and some of their significant others are American!

 

In the past we have organized events like picnics and potluck dinners, trips to local tourist attractions, and movie nights. We also have a club where you get paired up with a native English speaker to practice conversation. If you can get involved with something like that, it will be really easy to meet people!

 

The only problem that I would have with dating someone who didn't have friends is that I value having my own time to do things, and I would be nervous that a boyfriend who didn't have his own things to do might want to spend every waking moment together. But I wouldn't look down on you for it, especially given the fact that you've most likely come from a totally different language and culture.

 

If your time is running out at age 21, then most of us on this site are screwed! Haha. Relax and take a deep breath, you'll be fine!

Edited March 19, 2014 by Chalkdust89

[FitChick]

You could wait until you move away and start working before trying to date. Then you'd have a good excuse why you don't have friends -- you are new in town.

 

You could ask coworkers to help, i.e. "What do people here do for fun?" "Where do single people go?" Perhaps join sports or clubs. If it's a big city, find fellow countrymen.

[greenman77]

My perspective is that of both a female, and someone who works with international students at the grade school and college level. I understand how you are feeling because many of my students experience the same thing!

 

Do you go to a school with a lot of international students? Is there any way that you could make a club or organize some events for the international students in your school/community? Maybe try meetup.com or couchsurfing.org to find groups that align with your interests or people who travel and are interested in learning about other cultures and languages. Even though they come from many different backgrounds, my international students are all very close because they share the same experience of being away from home and the people they love. They have become their own American, home-away-from-home family! And yes, some of them have boyfriends or girlfriends, and some of their significant others are American!

 

In the past we have organized events like picnics and potluck dinners, trips to local tourist attractions, and movie nights. We also have a club where you get paired up with a native English speaker to practice conversation. If you can get involved with something like that, it will be really easy to meet people!

 

The only problem that I would have with dating someone who didn't have friends is that I value having my own time to do things, and I would be nervous that a boyfriend who didn't have his own things to do might want to spend every waking moment together. But I wouldn't look down on you for it, especially given the fact that you've most likely come from a totally different language and culture.

 

If your time is running out at age 21, then most of us on this site are screwed! Haha. Relax and take a deep breath, you'll be fine!

 

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it. That's what I feared when it comes to dating. Obviously if I were to be dating someone I would be giving them their space (I wouldn't ask them to be with me 24/7) and it's not like I don't do anything. My family are here often and we do stuff together. Even my older cousin lives here and we hang out from time to time. But for the most part I'm by myself.

 

The language isn't really a problem for me or even the culture. I love living here. I've been speaking English since I was very little (bilingual school). Most people are amazed when I tell them I'm not American. It's me and my shyness.

 

You could wait until you move away and start working before trying to date. Then you'd have a good excuse why you don't have friends -- you are new in town.

 

You could ask coworkers to help, i.e. "What do people here do for fun?" "Where do single people go?" Perhaps join sports or clubs. If it's a big city, find fellow countrymen.

 

Thanks for the reply. The problem is that if I start working (which is looking more and more likely to happen) instead of transferring to another school, I would still be living in this same city.

 

That's exactly why I thought that transferring and going somewhere new would be a great new fresh start. My excuse would be that I'm new in town but I don't think it will happen.

Edited March 19, 2014 by greenman77

[greenman77]

My perspective is that of both a female, and someone who works with international students at the grade school and college level. I understand how you are feeling because many of my students experience the same thing!

 

Do you go to a school with a lot of international students? Is there any way that you could make a club or organize some events for the international students in your school/community? Maybe try meetup.com or couchsurfing.org to find groups that align with your interests or people who travel and are interested in learning about other cultures and languages. Even though they come from many different backgrounds, my international students are all very close because they share the same experience of being away from home and the people they love. They have become their own American, home-away-from-home family! And yes, some of them have boyfriends or girlfriends, and some of their significant others are American!

 

In the past we have organized events like picnics and potluck dinners, trips to local tourist attractions, and movie nights. We also have a club where you get paired up with a native English speaker to practice conversation. If you can get involved with something like that, it will be really easy to meet people!

 

The only problem that I would have with dating someone who didn't have friends is that I value having my own time to do things, and I would be nervous that a boyfriend who didn't have his own things to do might want to spend every waking moment together. But I wouldn't look down on you for it, especially given the fact that you've most likely come from a totally different language and culture.

 

If your time is running out at age 21, then most of us on this site are screwed! Haha. Relax and take a deep breath, you'll be fine!

 

Thanks for the suggestion of meetup.com by the way, saw a few things in there that caught my eye.

[confusedsoul14]

As long as you are confident and genuine, i don't think you having not many friends would be an issue to a girl who really likes you. You want a girl to like you for who you are. You don't want someone who judges you by the number of friends that you have. And if you didn't know, there are a lot of girls who find shy guys very very attractive

Good luck!

And if you don't mind telling, where are you from?

[greenman77]

As long as you are confident and genuine, i don't think you having not many friends would be an issue to a girl who really likes you. You want a girl to like you for who you are. You don't want someone who judges you by the number of friends that you have. And if you didn't know, there are a lot of girls who find shy guys very very attractive

Good luck!

And if you don't mind telling, where are you from?

 

Yeah I definitely wouldn't want to pretend to be someone I'm not. If they don't like me for who I am then no biggie, I'd just move on. I'm originally from Venezuela and moved to Florida.

[greenman77]

I would like to know what is the opinion of 18-23 y/o girls. If you are a girl between those ages and you read my post I would appreciate your reaction/opinion. Thanks in advanced.