SugarHibiscus Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Let's just get this out of the way...I'm having a social circle affair. It's been going on for over a year and I'm a morally bankrupt, despicable POS human being and so is my AP. There. So, I get hit on a lot by men. I don't think I'm particularly attractive but it happens. Sometimes it gets to the point that men follow me around to talk to me and I find it harassing and annoying. My H ignores it and just lets these men try to talk to me. He says that he knows that I will always be faithful to him. It doesn't bother him. I've tried to explain to him that it irritates me to have to fend off random dudes and that I would like him to "defend" me (i.e. tell the other guy to f off). My AP is the opposite of my H. Men DO NOT hit on me when we're out alone together. AT ALL. Several times, when we've been out as a group, my AP has given a would-be suitor the "look of death" and he instantly backs off. Even when my H is there. Recently, my OM told a guy to get the f away from me in front of my H. H didn't say anything. AP later apologized to me, saying that he was out of line doing that in front of my H but the random guy was being too aggressive and getting too close to me. He was compelled to say something. I guess I'm looking for some insight into male psychology. This sort of thing usually doesn't bother me, but it's got me thinking that maybe the OM loves me more than H. Or maybe they're just two different kind of men. I don't know. Confused. Why does one of my men look the other way and one chase the other men away?
whatatangledweb Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I get hit on quite often. My husband lets me handle it. He does that because he knows I can take care of it myself. It has nothing to do with love. Ask your husband to fend them off for you. He may think you don't need him to, so he doesn't do it. Now my ex husband would get pissed and say something rude. Which was uncalled for. There is no reason to be rude unless they won't stop. The difference between my ex and my husband now , is that my ex was super jealous. My husband is not. 1
jwi71 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Let's just get this out of the way...I'm having a social circle affair. It's been going on for over a year and I'm a morally bankrupt, despicable POS human being and so is my AP. There. So, I get hit on a lot by men. I don't think I'm particularly attractive but it happens. Sometimes it gets to the point that men follow me around to talk to me and I find it harassing and annoying. My H ignores it and just lets these men try to talk to me. He says that he knows that I will always be faithful to him. It doesn't bother him. I've tried to explain to him that it irritates me to have to fend off random dudes and that I would like him to "defend" me (i.e. tell the other guy to f off). My AP is the opposite of my H. Men DO NOT hit on me when we're out alone together. AT ALL. Several times, when we've been out as a group, my AP has given a would-be suitor the "look of death" and he instantly backs off. Even when my H is there. Recently, my OM told a guy to get the f away from me in front of my H. H didn't say anything. AP later apologized to me, saying that he was out of line doing that in front of my H but the random guy was being too aggressive and getting too close to me. He was compelled to say something. I guess I'm looking for some insight into male psychology. This sort of thing usually doesn't bother me, but it's got me thinking that maybe the OM loves me more than H. Or maybe they're just two different kind of men. I don't know. Confused. Why does one of my men look the other way and one chase the other men away? Your H trusts and believes in you and the OM does not. Its that simple. 19
Spark1111 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 FBS here and theONLY daughter with many, much older brothers...... I do not like to see a man too complacent when his woman is being hit on.....Yes, I CAN handle it BUT....it should start to anger my man....and I NEED to see that also....sometimes....and within reason.... My H? I can read his body language....He is pulling out all the Alpha male, gorilla chest-beating body language if I am in a conversation for too long with another man... can I handle it? of course I can. But do I want to see some reaction from him? You bet. Tell you H HOW you feel! 2
Author SugarHibiscus Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 I get hit on quite often. My husband lets me handle it. He does that because he knows I can take care of it myself. It has nothing to do with love. Ask your husband to fend them off for you. He may think you don't need him to, so he doesn't do it. Now my ex husband would get pissed and say something rude. Which was uncalled for. There is no reason to be rude unless they won't stop. The difference between my ex and my husband now , is that my ex was super jealous. My husband is not. I've asked H to be more proactive about this. He say's he "doesn't notice it". I've thought about the jealousy angle, but honestly I don't think OM is a particularly jealous man. Your H trusts and believes in you and the OM does not. Its that simple. Interesting...OM insecure...How can I be faithful to him when I'm married! He's the only one that knows that I'm capable of cheating so maybe you're on to something. FBS here and theONLY daughter with many, much older brothers...... I do not like to see a man too complacent when his woman is being hit on.....Yes, I CAN handle it BUT....it should start to anger my man....and I NEED to see that also....sometimes....and within reason.... My H? I can read his body language....He is pulling out all the Alpha male, gorilla chest-beating body language if I am in a conversation for too long with another man... can I handle it? of course I can. But do I want to see some reaction from him? You bet. Tell you H HOW you feel! Yup. It's almost a primal thing, right? My OM is mate guarding. I have talked to my H...he says he doesn't notice it. Hmmm...
MuddyFootprints Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Your OM may be mate guarding. Your husband doesn't recognise the need to mate guard. He obviously trusts you. On the other hand, as MOW, it is not unusual to fault our husbands for their behaviour, no matter what the issue. Is it male behaviour or is it the thought process of a wayward spouse? 7
carhill Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I guess I'm looking for some insight into male psychology. This sort of thing usually doesn't bother me, but it's got me thinking that maybe the OM loves me more than H. Or maybe they're just two different kind of men. OM is more territorial. In my neck of the woods, where men ride horses and tend to livestock, it's called 'patrolling the fences'. Hitting on another guy's lady risks a bloody end in an irrigation ditch. Your H is evidently more subdued and less territorial. I'm somewhere in the middle. TBH, if guys hit on my exW, they must've done it when I wasn't around. Can't remember any incidents. I've been out with some pretty great looking gals over the years, both dates and friends, and never really experienced anything blatant, though I have watched it happen to other guy's dates/wives. Up to you. IMO, I wouldn't measure the love of a man by when or how he fends off suitors. Around here, it's a good way to end up in the local lockup, as incidents do tend to get violent. Most men are aware of that so behave accordingly. Your marital interactions regarding your affair are a totally separate subject and dynamic. I would only note changes in H's behavior in that regard, if he has changed from before your affair. If he has, there may be other issues at work. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Tell your husband that you have an OM and exactly who it is and how long it has been going on and where you have screwed and see if that makes him jealous at all...this is a great test to see if he loves you as much as this OM loves you. Maybe even make him a little card which says, do you love me as much as my OM? Put yes or no in the box. Maybe your husband subconsciously knows by gut you're already giving it away, Grumps Edited March 19, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 2
sunburned Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Seriously?? This is rich. You are really reaching for reasons to find fault with your H, perhaps to justify your ongoing A. It's obvious. Your H doesn't notice b/c he has no reason to think you'd cheat. Your OM knows otherwise. 9
gettingstronger Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Yep, agree with the others, your husband thinks your above cheating, the OM knows you aren't and add in you like the drama of pitting them against each other and you have your answer. 6
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Interesting...OM insecure...How can I be faithful to him when I'm married! He's the only one that knows that I'm capable of cheating so maybe you're on to something. This pretty much sums it up. Your own words. Your OM is JEALOUS. Emotions like ones you two experience in your A bring it out, your H loves and trusts you but he is 'emotionally intensely' attached to the hip to you like your OM is, hence why your OM is acting that way. Your H trusts you and obviously feels secure with you to say no to other men that hit on you. You think he doesn't care? Go ahead and tell him about your A, you'll see a different man in front of you. 3
BlueBobby Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 This could come across rude, but maybe it's because your other man knows you are susceptible to be unfaithful, and your husband has full trust in you. That would make them act differently. I am not a jealous person. But I'm more jealous of guys hitting on my other woman than my wife. Havent thought to much about why. 2
carhill Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 OP, since this OM is a member of your social circle, I presume you've been around him a fair amount. How has he been in the past with regards to his spouse/girlfriend/sister/mother, etc? Protective? Devil may care? What? FWIW, during my OM years, I was the same with MW's, meaning I didn't 'patrol the fences' with them. I already knew what would happen if something was encountered so didn't sweat it. Again, what I'd be looking for, relevant to male psychology, is change. If OM has changed, or H has changed, that could indicate areas to examine. Otherwise, it's their base personality type and has nothing to do with you or your A.
Author SugarHibiscus Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 OM is more territorial. In my neck of the woods, where men ride horses and tend to livestock, it's called 'patrolling the fences'. Hitting on another guy's lady risks a bloody end in an irrigation ditch. Your H is evidently more subdued and less territorial. I'm somewhere in the middle. TBH, if guys hit on my exW, they must've done it when I wasn't around. Can't remember any incidents. I've been out with some pretty great looking gals over the years, both dates and friends, and never really experienced anything blatant, though I have watched it happen to other guy's dates/wives. Up to you. IMO, I wouldn't measure the love of a man by when or how he fends off suitors. Around here, it's a good way to end up in the local lockup, as incidents do tend to get violent. Most men are aware of that so behave accordingly. Your marital interactions regarding your affair are a totally separate subject and dynamic. I would only note changes in H's behavior in that regard, if he has changed from before your affair. If he has, there may be other issues at work. Thanks for your thoughtful reply. You said that men didn't hit on your dates/wives when they were with you. I guess that's what I'm wondering about. Why do men hit on me when I'm with H and not when I'm with OM? Men's interactions with each other are more complex than they seem on the surface. I'm not into gender stereotyping, but it seems like an alpha/beta sort of thing. Tell your husband that you have an OM and exactly who it is and how long it has been going on and where you have screwed and see if that makes him jealous at all...this is a great test to see if he loves you as much as this OM loves you. Maybe even make him a little card which says, do you love me as much as my OM? Put yes or no in the box. Maybe your husband subconsciously knows by gut you're already giving it away, Grumps Great idea! I'll put the note in lunchbox and see what happens. I'll add a second question: Divorce? Y or No. My H has been like this the 20 years I've been with him. I have NEVER "given it away" before. Seriously?? This is rich. You are really reaching for reasons to find fault with your H, perhaps to justify your ongoing A. It's obvious. Your H doesn't notice b/c he has no reason to think you'd cheat. Your OM knows otherwise. Point taken. I don't know if I consider it a fault per se. I like that my husband isn't controlling or jealous. I've only had an intimate relationship with these two men and they are pretty much polar opposites. OP, since this OM is a member of your social circle, I presume you've been around him a fair amount. How has he been in the past with regards to his spouse/girlfriend/sister/mother, etc? Protective? Devil may care? What? FWIW, during my OM years, I was the same with MW's, meaning I didn't 'patrol the fences' with them. I already knew what would happen if something was encountered so didn't sweat it. Again, what I'd be looking for, relevant to male psychology, is change. If OM has changed, or H has changed, that could indicate areas to examine. Otherwise, it's their base personality type and has nothing to do with you or your A. I've never seen his GF approached by other men. It just doesn't happen so I'm not sure if he would be like this with her. My H has always been like this so no change.
Gunthar Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I let me wife go out (with a gf), fully believing in her personal integrity and the value of our M that she had demonstrated for 16+ years. I was BEYOND IRATE when I discovered what had developed over the 2 months of 'innocent' gno events every weekend. The OMen all ran like cowards. Some of them literally... G
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Let's just get this out of the way...I'm having a social circle affair. It's been going on for over a year and I'm a morally bankrupt, despicable POS human being and so is my AP. There. So, I get hit on a lot by men. I don't think I'm particularly attractive but it happens. Sometimes it gets to the point that men follow me around to talk to me and I find it harassing and annoying. My H ignores it and just lets these men try to talk to me. He says that he knows that I will always be faithful to him. It doesn't bother him. I've tried to explain to him that it irritates me to have to fend off random dudes and that I would like him to "defend" me (i.e. tell the other guy to f off). My AP is the opposite of my H. Men DO NOT hit on me when we're out alone together. AT ALL. Several times, when we've been out as a group, my AP has given a would-be suitor the "look of death" and he instantly backs off. Even when my H is there. Recently, my OM told a guy to get the f away from me in front of my H. H didn't say anything. AP later apologized to me, saying that he was out of line doing that in front of my H but the random guy was being too aggressive and getting too close to me. He was compelled to say something. I guess I'm looking for some insight into male psychology. This sort of thing usually doesn't bother me, but it's got me thinking that maybe the OM loves me more than H. Or maybe they're just two different kind of men. I don't know. Confused. Why does one of my men look the other way and one chase the other men away? I understand the opening disclaimer - it's a shame that is necessary to fend off attacks. Defending your mate is primal. OM is more Alpha H is more Beta Doesn't say one loves you more than the other - just two different kind of men. Edited March 19, 2014 by ZMM 3
stillafool Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Since you OM acts the way you want a man to why don't you divorce your H and go with him?
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 (edited) Defending your mate is primal. OM is more Alpha H is more Beta Doesn't say one loves you more than the other - just two different kind of men. Forgot to mention - it could be H is so secure he doesn't feel the need to defend his woman. But the fact that so many men are hitting on you in he presence of your H, seems a bit odd. Maybe he is of smaller stature or comes off as meek and not very imposing. I guess you said it happens with OM too. Men don't hit on the women I am with. Edited March 19, 2014 by ZMM
Author SugarHibiscus Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 Since you OM acts the way you want a man to why don't you divorce your H and go with him? I don't leave my H because I'm a morally bankrupt, POS human being. Remember? Forgot to mention - it could be H is so secure he doesn't feel the need to defend his woman. But the fact that so many men are hitting on you in he presence of your H, seems a bit odd. Maybe he is of smaller stature or comes off as meek and not very imposing. I guess you said it happens with OM too. Men don't hit on the women I am with. Nope. I does NOT happen when I'm alone with OM. They are both have about the same physical stature. 5'10 and fit. My H because of the time he puts in at the gym and my OM because of his line of work.
GorillaTheater Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I don't leave my H because I'm a morally bankrupt, POS human being. Remember? Imagine if you applied that kind of radical honesty to all facets of your life. Hell, the sky's the limit, Sugar. 8
ZMM Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Imagine if you applied that kind of radical honesty to all facets of your life. Hell, the sky's the limit, Sugar. Nice personal attack. Do you feel better now?
William Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 It's beyond me why a thread asking about aspects regarding male behavior turns into personal attacks on the person who started the thread, in addition to hyperbole which has nothing to do with the topic forwarded here. Nope, it's not beyond me. It's exactly how some LoveShack members behave and they should be ashamed of themselves for their juvenile rantings on these forums. Now, get back to the topic! 1
onemanband Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 if you want to see your nice laid back husband do a 360 give him respect and tell him how you have been cheating i bet he becomes a alpha after that and your AP heads for the hills do u love your H or just there for his money
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