Online Dating Confusion

[Reggimoss]

So.. to make a boring story less boring, I met someone on OKCupid that I thought I had a lot in common with, more-so than usual and she agreed. I suggested we meet up, but she said she would like to hold off on meeting OKCupid people in real life, so I just kind of backed off, assuming she wasn't interested.

 

A few weeks later, I messaged her again asking if she wanted to meet up, while at the same time tactfully (if this is possible) letting her know that I would totally understand if she did not want to.

 

I do know that this woman is a true introvert that values space, how much I do not know.

 

She suggested a time and a place, we met up, she ended up being late because of it, and I thought we had a really good time. She said it was good meeting me, she thought I was cool, and she had a fun time. I suggested we go out that weekend to an event. She agreed. I later found out that it would've cost 40 dollars for both of us, I originally thought it was quite cheap.

 

In the week leading up to it, we made plans on where to meet up. She seemed iffy about riding there together, so we decided to just meet there. Maybe I was not giving her enough space.

 

The day before, she let me know that she was feeling sick, and would probably not feel up for going out. She apologized and said we could do something some other time.

 

I said I understood, and (committing perhaps a cardinal sin) said that if she didn't want to see me again, that was OK! (She has always been kind of distant, rarely if ever initiating contact with me, but we are essentially strangers, so I guess I understand.)

 

She said it was because she was sick. I told her I'd message her sometime in the next week. She said cool, and that was that.

 

 

 

So... I'm a little bit... unsure of what to do. She's expecting me to make the next move, I'm just wondering how long I should wait? I was planning to send her a text this Thursday (she said text was the best way to contact) asking if she would like to meetup.

 

That will have been a full week since the day she cancelled.

 

Because I felt like our experience together was so positive, and If I take everything she says at face value, it sounds like she is just someone who is unsure, wants to take things slow, doesn't really like chatting on the internet and got sick. My last interaction with her was linking her to a video that she read but never responded to. That's whatever. I don't take too much stock in online stuff, but maybe I should.

 

But if I read into her distance and the cancellation, I start thinking, did I say something wrong? Was I pushing too hard too fast? I don't really know if I want to be with this person, but I want to find out, yeah?

 

So maybe I was a little overzealous.

 

Should I just forget? Is the damage done already? If we went out once and she wasn't into me, that's fine I guess I just expected to hear that. Should I just give her the benefit of the doubt, some distance, and try one more time.

 

We are both adults. I've never had anyone in my life unable to just say "I'm not into you, I see no possibility of us as anything", or "I don't feel the spark or chemistry" so it's kind of unusual for me. I am careful not to overdo it with questions like that, but I did think it was important to see where we stood.

 

Right now, I'm just maintaining radio silence and doing my own thing. I'm fine alone in fact, but I just thought I really clicked with this person, so it's kind of...hard. I am fine with exploring stuff really, really slowly, but not being strung along because someone can't just say, "I don't think it's happening".

 

I don't want to come off as desperate, because I'm not, I just really enjoyed our time together, brief as it was, and want to explore that.

 

Sorry for the long post.

[deathandtaxes]

She flaked the DAY before? Wow! Don't even waste time with this one. Interested people will hold out as long as possible while sick, and sometimes just go out sick and give you a warning that they're not 100%. But a day before? Pass on this one.

 

 

Most likely a better offer came her way...

[Gaeta]

I suggested we meet up, but she said she would like to hold off on meeting OKCupid people in real life, so I just kind of backed off, assuming she wasn't interested.

huh? She is on a dating site but she wants to hold off on meeting men from there? Make no sense. I get vibe of *weirdo* here.

 

In the week leading up to it, we made plans on where to meet up. She seemed iffy about riding there together, so we decided to just meet there. Maybe I was not giving her enough space.

That is not a matter of space, it's common sense for women to not ride with strangers from dating website.

 

The day before, she let me know that she was feeling sick, and would probably not feel up for going out. She apologized and said we could do something some other time.

Classic let down. She did not offer another appropriate time.

 

I said I understood, and (committing perhaps a cardinal sin) said that if she didn't want to see me again, that was OK! (She has always been kind of distant, rarely if ever initiating contact with me, but we are essentially strangers, so I guess I understand.)

It's usually a lack of interest when the person is distant.

 

So... I'm a little bit... unsure of what to do. She's expecting me to make the next move, I'm just wondering how long I should wait? I was planning to send her a text this Thursday (she said text was the best way to contact) asking if she would like to meetup.

Sure go ahead.

 

Because I felt like our experience together was so positive, and If I take everything she says at face value, it sounds like she is just someone who is unsure, wants to take things slow, doesn't really like chatting on the internet and got sick. My last interaction with her was linking her to a video that she read but never responded to. That's whatever. I don't take too much stock in online stuff, but maybe I should.

Lack of interest.

 

But if I read into her distance and the cancellation, I start thinking, did I say something wrong? Was I pushing too hard too fast? I don't really know if I want to be with this person, but I want to find out, yeah?

 

So maybe I was a little overzealous.

Not at all, you said and did nothing wrong. She was not into it since the beginning.

 

We are both adults. I've never had anyone in my life unable to just say "I'm not into you, I see no possibility of us as anything", or "I don't feel the spark or chemistry" so it's kind of unusual for me.

Women will rarely let you know in a forward way they are not interested, sorry, you will have to learn to read their cues that they're not interested.

 

Right now, I'm just maintaining radio silence and doing my own thing. I'm fine alone in fact, but I just thought I really clicked with this person.

It's kind of a weird phenomena, you can feel a spark with someone while they don't. So it's not because you had a great date that she felt that way, even if she smiled, had good conversation and all.

 

You have nothing to lose, text her and ask how's she doing, offer a date for this coming weekend. If she is vague then you know she is not interested and is just not coming forward with it.

[BlueIris]

If she’s highly introverted, and/or shy, this isn’t all that unusual. How about you send her a text today saying you hope she’s feeling better. It requires nothing of her, so its very low pressure but nice. Then see what happens.

Maybe very light texting banter, very low key, would make her feel more comfortable over time.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've done the online dating thing and have had my fair share of questionable encounters as well as some memorable ones.

 

I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. You seem to be making a lot of excuses for her by telling us that you think she's an introvert but all I'm hearing is you trying to justify her actions (or rather inaction) because you felt like you hit it off with her. I think you're in a bit of denial. And I can understand this so I'm not trying to be mean but trying to be brutally honest with you and how it looks from an objective point of view.

 

At this point, I think I would take BlueIris's advice about sending her a simple text letting her know that you hope she's feeling better and leave it at that. I think that is a kind and compassionate thing to do while still keeping the window open for her to make a move. If she doesn't reciprocate in kind, then be done with her already. There is no glory in chasing after someone that clearly isn't into being caught for whatever reason.

 

Having said that, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about wondering if you did anything wrong. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like it to me. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her so chalk it up as a good experience and be grateful it didn't go horribly wrong because believe me...it could have been a lot worse...I'm here to tell you that wackadoos indeed exist online

[Reggimoss]

Well, I just said screw it, and messaged her tonight.

 

I asked if she would like to meetup sometime this week.

 

She said she thinks she's free on sunday, is that good for you?

I told her IDK for sure, but I should know by tomorrow due to my job.

 

I asked her if she was feeling better, she said she was just a little stuffy still.

 

I asked her if she had anything in mind as a meetup place and she we will figure something out.

 

She said she wasn't sure but we'd figure something out.

 

then I said I'd let her know when I find out, have a good night, no response.

[WP4046]

Sick is the most convenient way to break a date since it's something that people usually don't question