Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 What the hell is wrong with you all. Stop calling people crazy or creepy for wanting to drive hours to see a person. Come on. Creepy is... just acting inappropriate, flirting with a girl who is clearly not down for it, calling or texting someone incessantly... Turning up at heir house or work:sick: You are all so quick to call some one "creepy". Frankly, you are being too judgmental. Driving nearly 3 hours IS NOT creepy, if anything it is OVERZEALOUS. NOT "creepy". Overzealous, over eager, putting the cart before the horse, desperate dare I say, and "too generous". NOT "creepy" I think this guy made a mistake by not texting or calling for days; I am a girl, and I wait for the guy to make the first few moves after our first date or two, to which I respond EAGERLY and promptly to so he gets the message that I am interested (yet without me having to initiate texts). I soon start to reciprocate texts once I can see that he does consistently text me first most days. 2
kaylan Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 So Im not allowed to call it creepy if I have an unromantic "date" with some women at a public function...after which she proceeds to try and get a commitment out of me, hastily tries to plan a second date without actually planning one, and then on my birthday decides to show up unannounced in my area without taking into account that I barely know her, may already have plans, and that its odd and needy for someone whos still practically a stranger to drive 5 hours round trip to see me for only 10 minutes? Yeah, thats not creepy at all. =/ Come on Leigh, let be real here. Thats creepy, and Im usually a guy thats forgiving of very smitten behavior. But OP was over the top. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I have noted a few things regarding distance and the time spent by a guy in the early stages or dating. To put things in perspective....... A guy once told me that after merely meeting me once overseas, that he would pay for me to meet him someplace! That money was not an obstacle. IF he was more into me,(he thought he was at he time but changed his mind) I am SURE he would have kept to his word! Guys DO THIS for women they are really into IF they have the cash (or a credit card:lmao:) If a guy is really feeling it with a girl, he will sometimes literally travel overseas to see them OR pay to have the girl fly to see them. A guy from my tour of Russia met a girl in Russia who he was smitten with. He is going to fly to see her as soon as he can afford it and she says that she wants him to. My boyfriend lives 4 hours away from me most of the time. He didn't hesitate to make the 2 hour trip to Sydney to meet me half way. He was willing to travel the full 4 hours to see me though. I just did the nice thing and offered to meet half way. Because I am a reasonable person. Mostly:lmao: He was willing to travel 4 hours to meet me for the first date. And he is cute looking and not desperate. Some people are just willing to go to more effort than others in order to meet people whom they have a hunch might be worthwhile. My friends boyfriend would also have gone to the end of the earth pretty much, to see her for their second date... He would have travelled the 2 hours to visit her, only she decided to visit him since she had college in his area, (despite living far away). It is NOT the norm to put so much effort in though,that is certain. You have to take a leap of faith when it comes to issues such as these... whether or not to invest time and effort into a new person you don't actually know. Our boyfriends in most cases would have wasted their time, to be perfectly honest; given most first dates do not result in fireworks or anything that ground breaking, connection wise. Most things fizzle into nothing at all, and therefore it is not wise to invest a lot, for instance, travelling more than an hour or so to meet for the first few dates! I wish I had known to invest less in the guys who disappeared on me, yet who "seemed" crazy about me at the time. Some guys are more spontaneous and don't care about the consequences (likely rejection). NONE of these guys are the least bit creepy OR desperate^^^^^^^^
Leigh 87 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 So Im not allowed to call it creepy if I have an unromantic "date" with some women at a public function...after which she proceeds to try and get a commitment out of me, hastily tries to plan a second date without actually planning one, and then on my birthday decides to show up unannounced in my area without taking into account that I barely know her, may already have plans, and that its odd and needy for someone whos still practically a stranger to drive 5 hours round trip to see me for only 10 minutes? Yeah, thats not creepy at all. =/ Come on Leigh, let be real here. Thats creepy, and Im usually a guy thats forgiving of very smitten behavior. But OP was over the top. Haha. I am all for "being real", I say it often to folks on here. Seriously though. I can see WHY it could come off as creepy. I met a guy in Russia who met a girl over there who he was smitten with, and he wants to go and visit her ASAP. He lives in Australia. Like me. He is NOT creepy at all, honestly. He just had never been that into a girl before and thought she was special. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he doesn't do casual and was without sex for LONG stretches of time? Namely, YEARS!? The guy I met in Berlin would have totally flown a girl he was really into over to me with him whilst he was overseas. I know for a fact. Some guys are just spontaneous with it comes to women. The Berlin guy was a thrill seeker by nature and favoured more spontaneous things. He was NOT the least bit creepy. He was ... so the opposite of creepy. Can you see how in SOME instances, creepy can actually be spontaneous in disguise? Sure a lot of guys are merely desperate and therefore creepy in their over eagerness to invest in driving HOURS for the first date or two. But not ALL men should be painted with the same brush.
kaylan Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Creepy and desperate is creepy and desperate. Considering the men you have dated Leigh, I would say youre one of the rare girls whos not put off by such an overbearing and needy attitude. If some girl offered to pay for me to meet her abroad when I barely knew her, I would run the other way. Im not trying to end up in a missing persons report.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Do you remember I told you on our first date that if I like you and if you prefer me in your life only as a friend, then I would get out of your life. So, I want to know what do you think about that? I'm not sure about all the other stuff, but THIS ^^ is indeed creepy. Any guy wanting to know where he stands in your life after one casual date is a HUGE red flag. He doesn't know anything about this girl and she doesn't know anything about him, yet he wants to know where their relationship stands after one date? One date? He wouldn't have had to delete or block me. I would've deleted and blocked him. He needs to get a grip and calm down. 3
Chalkdust89 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 I think "creepy" is subjective. You just have a higher threshold than most of us, Leigh! I definitely would be uncomfortable if a guy I barely knew tried to go to such great lengths for me. Even when I was in a long distance, long term relationship, I would have never expected my boyfriend to make such a trip for 10 minutes and would have been uncomfortable that he spent the time and money to do that (I am a very practical person and don't get impressed by grand gestures like that). This situation seems creepy to me because, well, everyone else already said it. OP, on the bright side, at least you saved yourself 2.5 hours of anticipation and 2.67 hours of disappointment when you found out she wasn't interested and had to drive home, and a heck of a lot of gas money.
Leigh 87 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I mean, I have dated downright normal, totally straight up guys who were not the least bit strange (yes they even took an interest in a girl like me hah!) I have dated high quality guys as well as not so sought after guys. I have also dated the slightly obsessive types and for some reason they escaped my creep metre until my friends were like OMG Leigh 87, like fck. One guy went to the end of the earth for me! He had a well paid job, seemed totes normal to anyone who came across him, there was nothing "off" about him. He was o-b-s-e-s-s-I-v-e Genuine into me though and crazy about me like no other, which was flattering since I knew he was legit in the way that he felt for me. I personally overlooked the fact he drive hours to see me at the drop of a hat. I thought it was nice to have a guy like that. He once drove me 2 hours home one morning before he then had to drive 2 hours back to work; because I didn't want to catch a train. OMG right? Totally normal albeit generous. Until he went MENTAL on me when I found a guy I DID want to date. I didn't have feelings for that guy and told him from the get go. It was hell to deal with the aftermath. Some called him "crazy", with his threads of suicide and his promises of never finding anyone like me and not having a reason to live life without me. Wait a sec. Typing that made me realise he was slightly crazy. Damn.
ascendotum Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I think "creepy" is subjective. You just have a higher threshold than most of us, Leigh! I definitely would be uncomfortable if a guy I barely knew tried to go to such great lengths for me. Even when I was in a long distance, long term relationship, I would have never expected my boyfriend to make such a trip for 10 minutes and would have been uncomfortable that he spent the time and money to do that ... that's it. It would make many a person feel uncomfortable, but it being creepy!! That word gets thrown around way too much. As been said here often, if the girl really likes the guy, corny or enthusiastic gestures are seen in a positive light. Personally I think it is a little crazy or over zealous as leigh said. I think its over the top for the sake of 10 minutes, but its up to him, but really he would have been much better off making out he was going to be in the area around that time visiting a friend or some other excuse, so it looked like no big deal to her. If he is going to do stuff like this before he gets a strong positive vibe from the woman, he needs to appreciate its going to backfire with plenty of women.
BDL Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Bullet dodged...by the girl. I wrote her a text saying "If I am smothering you and acting weird I am sorry it has been 1.5 years that I've met someone I am kind of interested in. Do you remember I told you on our first date that if I like you and if you prefer me in your life only as a friend, then I would get out of your life. So, I want to know what do you think about that? oh and btw, I couldn't celebrate you face to face but, happy birthday!" I cringed HARD reading that. You apologize for maybe being smothering and acting weird? What do you think when she reads that? It has been 1.5 years since you liked someone? That sounds desperate and not at all being selective. You are right to go NC.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Driving 2.5 hours to see someone for 10 min is a little weird. Also the text you sent about "I don't want to smother you.." ect. was a big fail move. That text was a case study of how to make a girl lose interest in you as fast as possible.
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