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trying to win ex back and she's asked me out.... out of the blue... EH!

opinionlover

By opinionlover
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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opinionlover Member

opinionlover

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my ex and i were together a year, I messed up and the relationship finished 7 months ago. I chased her afterwards, begging... and we were on/off for 8 weeks. It was one hell of an emotional roller-coaster for both of us, I know she tried her hardest to forget and forgive, she said that she couldn't, so there was no point us being together.

 

After a 4 month period with little contact we met as friends 2 weeks ago. It didn't go to plan, I fell STRAIGHT back in love with her. We spent the next 3 days together, I could tell she still had strong feelings, but she was also still adamant that we couldn't be together.

 

Since then I have been a complete open book with her. She knows that i would do anything to have her back.... and that i could never mess up again.

 

Initially she was sympathetic and suggested NC after we met, because she was adamant it wasn't right. She said i needed to get over her...

 

HOWEVER, this NC hasn't happened, in fact We have spoken daily.. initially with me pouring my heart out whilst she tried to assure me I'd be ok and gradually conversation has lightened, i've showered her with compliments and a few flirts, and she's responded in a guarded manner, with the odd slip up, which I thrive on. In the last few days she's called me each evening for a chat and even asked for me to talk to her until she fell asleep. She offered to drive 2 hours to help me look for my lost cat last night... (who turned up, so it was not necessary) and THEN... this morning... she sent me a message asking if I want to go for dinner on thursday evening...

 

this is completely out of the blue as WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

 

 

any thoughts??

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted

It means that you're a giant ego stroke for her. You pour your heart out like a sucker, and she enjoys the ego boost.

 

She's adamant that you can't be together. Listen to her, instead of attempting to twist that into something else.

  • Like 3
maestrok Established Member

maestrok

Posted
Posted
my ex and i were together a year, I messed up and the relationship finished 7 months ago. I chased her afterwards, begging... and we were on/off for 8 weeks. It was one hell of an emotional roller-coaster for both of us, I know she tried her hardest to forget and forgive, she said that she couldn't, so there was no point us being together.

 

After a 4 month period with little contact we met as friends 2 weeks ago. It didn't go to plan, I fell STRAIGHT back in love with her. We spent the next 3 days together, I could tell she still had strong feelings, but she was also still adamant that we couldn't be together.

 

Since then I have been a complete open book with her. She knows that i would do anything to have her back.... and that i could never mess up again.

 

Initially she was sympathetic and suggested NC after we met, because she was adamant it wasn't right. She said i needed to get over her...

 

HOWEVER, this NC hasn't happened, in fact We have spoken daily.. initially with me pouring my heart out whilst she tried to assure me I'd be ok and gradually conversation has lightened, i've showered her with compliments and a few flirts, and she's responded in a guarded manner, with the odd slip up, which I thrive on. In the last few days she's called me each evening for a chat and even asked for me to talk to her until she fell asleep. She offered to drive 2 hours to help me look for my lost cat last night... (who turned up, so it was not necessary) and THEN... this morning... she sent me a message asking if I want to go for dinner on thursday evening...

 

this is completely out of the blue as WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

 

 

any thoughts??

 

It's not really out of the blue. She kept her guard up for awhile but now she's thinking of opening up. You've been wanting another chance and she's giving you one now, why the surprise?

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opinionlover Member

opinionlover

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I know this may well be the case.. but if so I think she needs her ego stroking.. as I kind of shattered it first time around. :confused:

 

i'm not in to playing games.. and I know she cared for me dearly and knows that my intentions have never been bad. She has very high standards though and a lot of pride. Which i stupidly broke... so even if this is an ego boost for her, she truthfully deserves it...

 

If my heart breaks again.. then I deserve it. And I'll start moving forwards again, with a lesser opinion of her, as i would like to think that she wouldn't use me for an ego boost, as much as she has the right to.

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opinionlover Member

opinionlover

Posted
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Posted
It's not really out of the blue. She kept her guard up for awhile but now she's thinking of opening up. You've been wanting another chance and she's giving you one now, why the surprise?

 

Thanks for your answer, I think it's just that I am worried encase i am getting carried away with myself... it's so messed up. There are many things against us, but I'm determined to put them right.

pickflicker Established Member

pickflicker

Posted
Posted
I know this may well be the case.. but if so I think she needs her ego stroking.. as I kind of shattered it first time around. :confused:

 

i'm not in to playing games.. and I know she cared for me dearly and knows that my intentions have never been bad. She has very high standards though and a lot of pride. Which i stupidly broke... so even if this is an ego boost for her, she truthfully deserves it...

 

If my heart breaks again.. then I deserve it. And I'll start moving forwards again, with a lesser opinion of her, as i would like to think that she wouldn't use me for an ego boost, as much as she has the right to.

 

Ok, if you're happy being her doormat, fine.

  • Like 1
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opinionlover Member

opinionlover

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What did you do?

 

I made mistakes. The timing of us finding one another was bad.. i was in an 8 year relationship when we met, fell for her.. head over heels, and couldn't/didn't give myself enough time to heal from the previous relationship, even though i knew I should have. I knew how head over heels i was and just took for granted that by me telling her, she would know. But she had insecurities.. and i made them worse without realising.. she thought i was jelous of my ex when she moved on. I probably was. Even though i didn't want to be with her, - pathetic!! Turmoil ensued... silly arguments... I felt like she was nagging, she wasn't she was just asking me to look after her heart.. i failed. Then she finished with me.... I had some fun with a random I met in a bar, my head was messed up - pathetic!! self destruct mode. Then when she sprung on me the following day that she wanted to give it another go... I didn't tell her. She found out.. only the following day.. Eugh. It makes me feel sick to think of it. such an idiot!

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opinionlover Member

opinionlover

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reconcilliation imminent.. couldn't be happier!

  • Like 4
David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
Posted

My magic 8 ball says:this won't end well for you :( sorry. But good luck:)

DownNtOut Established Member

DownNtOut

Posted
Posted

i was in a similar situation with a girl. call it her being confused or and ego stroke. it dont make her a bad person but you need to take care of you. im finding it quite hard 5 month on from starting NC. i miss her like crazy.

i dont think this is going to work out for you, as much as you want it to.

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

The odds are against you but I hope you're able to work it out. Just take it slow, don't get carried away, and be VERY aware of what went wrong last time..don't let it get in the way this time.

  • Like 1
Trovador Established Member

Trovador

Posted
Posted

This seems another typical case of back burning... how it went, OP? Or is it this thursday?

 

This is a little off topic but who would say it! There are women (and also guys) who go out (and even have sex) with some people, just to take their minds out of a better good looking, richer, more successful man for a while...

Never Again Established Member

Never Again

Posted
Posted

It doesn't mean anything.

 

If you want to pursue this, go SLOWLY.

 

The problem is, you have expectations and hope, and those will only work against you.

 

You want this to have even the slightest chance of working? Eliminate all emotional attachment and have the same emotional intensity about her as you would a girl you just met.

 

Premature reconciliations ruin even the few that COULD work. Go into this with your guard up. Keep your cards close to your vest, don't spill your guts, and make HER work for it.

 

If she's serious, she'll do what she needs to. If she's not, she'll bail.

 

Do NOT, under any circumstances, let her get ANYTHING from you (emotionally, physically, financially or otherwise) until she moves mountains.

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