shrimpgumbo Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My ex and I had been dating for 2.5 years. For the first year everything was really good. We were eachothers best friends and did everything together. We were very romantic and so nice to one another. After about a year when I bought a new house with my brother and I moved in things started to change. She was starting to become bored and wanted more from our relationship. She wanted to do more "exciting" things and wanted me to spend more time with just me and her. Now I must admit that I spent way too much time with my family but I am very close with them. I live with both of my younger brothers and they are my best friends. She would get frustrated that I always wanted to include them in things they did but i guess its just how I am. Ive been the "older brother" who looks out for my brothers my whole life. I also had problems with intimacy due to my lack of self esteem. I was also told by her friends that she really wanted a baby and that her old relationship ended because her ex wasnt ready for a family. This scared me a little because I was not ready for that in my life yet. I do want a family soon but at that time I had just bought a house and needed to let my life settle down a little before i thought about a family. Eventually we started to fight all the time about the same thing. She would get upset that I never took her out or that i always invited other people along. I would try to explain but she would just blow up and run away. Every time i tried to just talk about it and figure out what we could do to make things better she would just shut down. She never wanted to talk about how she felt emotionally. after a few months we really became distant in our relationship and she ended up cheating on me. She cried and said she was sorry and I told her that I was deeply hurt but I loved her and could forgive her. The problem was that she never really truly apologized and instead of her being the one doing anything to show me that she still loved me she was asking me to show her that I loved her. I went on a trip to Chicago with her, took her to an amusement park, took her to a live show, took her to sporting events, ect and after every time she would ask what was next. The tipping point came when I was looking into getting a dog. I was looking with her and I was also asking my mom to help me as well. She got upset that I asked my mom to help and didnt understand why i didnt just do it with her. I tried to explain that my mom knows a lot about dogs and is good at helping with these things but she just got upset. Then the issue became that she wanted it to be "our" dog while I wanted it to be "my" dog. I knew that it would be my dog cause if we broke up she couldn't take it because she lives at her parents who wouldnt allow her to have a dog. Well this just really upset her and she became very angry and said hurtful things. Eventually I broke up with her. Fast forward to now and we have been broken up for 4 months. She tried to get back together with me only a month after we broke up during Christmas time but I thought it was too early and she was still acting immaturely. Later on I learned through a friend that she had hooked up with several guys after I broke up with her and that really hurt me. That is part of why I did not take her back. A month went by and I rarely heard from her. I was doing really good without her and didnt spend much time thinking about her. One day around her birthday i asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and she said yes. It was really nice to see her and catch up. I had really missed her and it felt great to be around her again. We hung out just me and her a few more times and it still felt really nice. After the last time of hanging out I text her and asked if we could talk. She asked what about and I told her that I just have really enjoyed the time we have spent together and that I really missed her. I said its been hard hearing that she is partying with guys and I still love her. I know this was not good to say but it had really begun to hurt me to hear these things. She freaked out and said she just wanted to be single and that she couldnt talk to me right now. This sent me into a tailspin and I freaked out and blew up her phone and unfriended her on facebook when her freind told me she wasnt interested and that i needed to move on. So I tried to move on. It was hard but I stopped texting her or reaching out to her. But a week later she text me. Just some stupid little text but it lead to a small meaningless conversation. Another week went by and I didnt contact her but sure enough she text me again asking if i had her jumper cables. I said yes and all she said back was "ok cool". Another week went by and I again did not contact her. This time she added me as a friend on facebook and called me. She wanted to go on a walk and talk. Once again it was nice to see her but I figured there must have been something she wanted to talk about. All she talked about was what she has been up to. All of her problems in her life. That she has been hanging out with her "friend" who is a guy she is basically dating. She posts pictures of her and him on facebook and hangs out with him all the time. During the walk all she would talk about is stuff that they have been doing. She has been going out drinking and partying a lot which she never wanted to do when she was with me. The guy is the total opposite of me. Im shy and nice. I have fun and party but more the type to stay in and watch a movie. Im more of the reserved and plan for the future type. I have fun doing simple things with the people i love and dont need too much to be happy.He is the " it" live in the moment type who smokes, drinks, and parties every night. I understand if she has moved on to someone else. I broke up with her so I get that she may have moved on. I just do not understand why she keeps contacting me. If she is hanging out with this guy why does she need to text me? Why does she call me to go on a walk? It was just really upsetting because yesterday was my birthday and I worked really hard to make the day about myself and do things I may normally have anxiety to do. I was having a great day and then she text me saying Happy Birthday. I said thank you and asked if she was doing anything fun for St. Patricks day and she said "no. This new guy(dont want to say his name) and I went for a long walk then played some basketball. Now we are going to watch a movie and relax. I just want to focus more on getting into shape and not going out so much." Its my birthday and you are going to rub it in my face that you are with this guy? I dont know what to do or to think. I still love her very much and want to make things work but she is hurting me a lot and its starting to feel intentional. Am I just over reacting? Is there anything that I can do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have been trying to move on but she keeps contacting me making me feel like she misses me.
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 You had two chances to make this work: When you were in the relationship & when she tried to get back together with you. Both failed. You need to get over her. Block her texts so you aren't tempted to read them. It was very uncool of her to tell you about another guy on your birthday. plus you are already admitted upset that she was with other guys during your time apart. That isn't going to magically disappear if you get back together. It will be a festering sore. this is still too new & raw for you to be friends. 1
Author shrimpgumbo Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Thank you for the advice. Shortly after posting the original post I text her and told her that I needed her to stop calling and texting me. I told her that i could not be her friend and that it was not ok for her to talk to me about her and the new guy she has been seeing. She did not respond but she unfriended me on Facebook. I know its what I needed to do for myself so that I could try to move on. Im just scared because I still love her and am afraid that after saying this and no contact that I may have pushed her too far away for there to be a chance in the future.
MrWhite Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 You did the right thing and she is doing what you asked. Just go NC. Do not be the lingering fall back ex and now just a "friend". Is she is using you as a crutch to move on? Letting you go slowly? Keeping you as an option? Truly wants to just be your friend? Is she trying to get your approval to be with someone else? NC - no one wants to hear that information..... Let her figure out what she wants. How can she miss you if you don't go away? 1
Noproblem Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) She is selfish, a control freak, and a drama queen and above all she is a cheater. She wants everything to revolve around her and obviously she is as social as you are. She is all about me me me me me not we we we we we She'll do anything that pleases her, and you being the nice guy who'll always forgive her and welcoming her back does not really help. After all the question is, why would you want to get back to a girl like this? All the incidents that happened before will happen all over again but it will be so intense this time. I don't see this girl as a good friend or good girlfriend ..... Find someone who likes you, accepts your family, and understands you. Edited March 24, 2014 by Noproblem 1
limbophase Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 In my opinion, you did everything right. Ugh, women like this disgust me. All I can say is that you deserve so much better than that girl. She's got issues. If anything, you should feel sorry for her that she stoops that low. You dodged a bullet my friend. 2
David87 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Thank you for the advice. Shortly after posting the original post I text her and told her that I needed her to stop calling and texting me. I told her that i could not be her friend and that it was not ok for her to talk to me about her and the new guy she has been seeing. She did not respond but she unfriended me on Facebook. I know its what I needed to do for myself so that I could try to move on. Im just scared because I still love her and am afraid that after saying this and no contact that I may have pushed her too far away for there to be a chance in the future. There's no chance in the future, You need to find a better girl because this one.... neah. She unfriended you on FB, ok, so now block her, then block her number on your phone this way you'll start to heal. Don't hold on to hope that she might come back, because that's very unlikely to happen. 2
lolablue17 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 You only told her not to text you, that mean you're not completely in to NC. Well, if you unfriended her first, she couldn't unfriend you, right? I strongly suggest full NC! its over, accept that, move on and next time try to find a girl less control freak, someone that will love you as you are and not trying to own you.
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