Introverted/shy men: do you really prefer outgoing girls?

[thegreatesthumphrey]

I would love an introverted girl. One that was like me. It seems so rare though, to not find a party girl in California that's at least some what attractive.

 

Keenly.. you need to date me! haha

[M30USA]

I agree with most posters so far. I'm an introvert who also prefers an introvert. As long as she's not a hermit or antisocial.

[carhill]

I have run into this so much.

 

I want to know if there is an introverted man that would prefer an introverted girlfriend. I am not talking extremes. Just not super outgoing, bubbly, perky, bouncy, party loving. You know the type.

Last time I saw a human was Sunday, when I BBQ'ed with my best friend. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily extremely introverted because I do enjoy social interaction; however, I don't feel an anxiety when alone which impels me to seek the company of other people to feel positive and happy about life, rather I'm happy tinkering away in the shop or out on the ranch and enjoy people when those activities come up.

 

That said, I think my choice of marriage partner showed my true preference. She was social and modestly outgoing but still reticent in strange social situations and, generally, had a bit more 'desire' for social interaction than I did but was/is not a 'partier', if someone our age could ever be a partier

 

I dated some of what you may call 'outgoing girls' and that constant buzz often left me sick to my stomach, not because of them being outgoing but due to being overwhelmed and overstimulated. IOW, it wasn't their issue, rather mine. Since, I've learned to 'turn off' that kind of stuff so handle 'partying' a lot easier now. Still, I prefer peace and quiet. I hope, if there happens to be another lady in my future life, she likes the smell of pine trees and the sound of water lapping against the dock, even if we have a full social life.

[Mr Scorpio]

While introverted, neither of us are actually "shy". Not bashful at all, just prefer solitude.

 

 

This. I want balance, as with all things in life. If a woman is so introverted that she couldn't carry small-talk with my friends/family, that is a problem. If a woman is so extroverted that she wants to go out every night and/or feels the need to tell me about every detail of her day, that is a problem.

[salparadise]

My friend, the bubbly extrovert who can't stop talking, would drive me nuts if I had to be around her for an extended period of time. I can tolerate her for a couple of hours at a time, but that's about it. It's exhausting listening to her. My husband feels the same way.

 

Well, I couldn't deal with a bubbly chatterbox either. Thankfully not all extroverts are like that. And not all extroverts are party animals either. I've been dating an extrovert lately (for short time) and those traits are just not there. I think a casual observer would have trouble telling the difference between us in fact. I do like being engaged and not having to work too hard to keep the conversations flowing. I like how she steps toward me to keep things interesting rather than receding. She is also comfortable with silence and just being present. There is a lot of variation in how the types are expressed.

[Keenly]

Keenly.. you need to date me! haha

 

Alright. Mini golf, let's go.

 

 

Somedude, being introverted doesn't mean socially crippled, it means we need alone time to gain our social energy back. We don't like to hang out with other people constantly.

 

 

My personal balance is about 70 percent alone and 30 percent social.

[Haydn]

I was extroverted and am stealing back towards this. I quite like extroverted girls. Opinions on everything. I like this a a lot. My ex was introverted (Actually she was just nasty)

[KathyM]

Well, I couldn't deal with a bubbly chatterbox either. Thankfully not all extroverts are like that. And not all extroverts are party animals either. I've been dating an extrovert lately (for short time) and those traits are just not there. I think a casual observer would have trouble telling the difference between us in fact. I do like being engaged and not having to work too hard to keep the conversations flowing. I like how she steps toward me to keep things interesting rather than receding. She is also comfortable with silence and just being present. There is a lot of variation in how the types are expressed.

True, people are on a spectrum with some being at the extreme side of either introversion or extroversion. Most people are not at either extreme, but have a general tendency towards either introversion or extroversion. Introverts can be great conversationalists. They just need enough alone time to regenerate. Extroverts need their people time. I can't say I've ever met an extrovert that appeared comfortable with silence.

[Priv]

I have run into this so much.

 

I want to know if there is an introverted man that would prefer an introverted girlfriend. I am not talking extremes. Just not super outgoing, bubbly, perky, bouncy, party loving. You know the type.

 

 

 

INFP, and fairly deep on the introversion scale. But being outgoing has little to do with introversion/extroversion and more about what energises you (people or alone time).

 

 

That said I have little preference one over the other. I am outgoing, plan as much weekend trips as I can, am into sports, motorcycling, diving, and do like the occasional party. Although most of the above is either solitary or I enjoy with my SO. I have very little to no need for friends.

 

 

What I don't want is a hermit girlfriend I need to drag into doing something or finds spending time with me exhausting. But that has little to do with intro/extraversion.

 

 

I guess the key for me is that I equate alone time with quality time with my girlfriend.

[Emilia]

I'm an introvert and I enjoy introverts' company more, my closest friends are introverts. As Elswyth says, it's not synonymous with being socially awkward. It probably translates to having very little patience for small talk because it's not how we bond. We bond with a select few and on a deeper level, which is probably why I still have some connection with most of my exes.

 

Extroverts can be great company but they are exhausting after a short while. They definitely like me more than I like them. Their constant need for engaging and discomfort with silence is tiring. I like social introverts and they are my preferred type for dating.

[Andy_K]

I'm INTJ, and whilst I'm not shy, neither am I particularly outgoing.

 

My ex was an extrovert, and I liked that. She was able to just talk to anybody about anything, and constantly had complete strangers of all ages and both genders start conversations with her. There's just something about the energy that sort of person has which I am very drawn to.

[DorkBreakfast]

Most of the women I've dated have been ambiverts. Right in the center between the two. That's a good thing for me because they can adapt to either personality type.

[somedude81]

Here's the thing.

 

With two introverted people, one has to push themselves to be more extroverted in order for a conversation to start.

 

I am very introverted. I can easily spend lots of time by myself without any problem. I can be around a large group of people and never say anything and go home without talking to anybody.

 

I'm assuming an introverted girl will do the same.

 

Though since I am a guy, I have learned that I must push myself to interact with women, because they will not come to me unless they are very extroverted.

 

I admit that I have a hard time differentiating shyness from introversion in women. All I know is that if I'm pushing myself to engage with a girl and I'm getting very little positive feedback from her, I'll assume that she's not interested in move on. It is my guess that the women who are harder to talk to are introverted. Unless I see them interacting with a lot of people, and they are just quiet around me. Usually that is not the case.

[Chocolat]

I'm INTJ, and whilst I'm not shy, neither am I particularly outgoing.

 

My ex was an extrovert, and I liked that. She was able to just talk to anybody about anything, and constantly had complete strangers of all ages and both genders start conversations with her. There's just something about the energy that sort of person has which I am very drawn to.

 

Interesting. I am INTJ and yet I have the same experience as your gf - no matter where I go, people want to talk to me.

 

I find that there is a lot of confusion about introversion (this is not directed at you, Andy). Introverts can be quite outgoing. Lots of actors are introverts.

 

The best definition I've read is that introverts get their energy from within themselves, whereas extroverts gain energy through interacting with others.

[Els]

Here's the thing.

 

With two introverted people, one has to push themselves to be more extroverted in order for a conversation to start.

 

Well, everyone in all circumstances has to be social at some time or another; and conversation is very natural with people whom one happens to click with. That isn't about dating or introversion/extroversion, that's life.

[iris219]

Here's the thing.

 

With two introverted people, one has to push themselves to be more extroverted in order for a conversation to start.

 

This isn't always the case.

 

Introverted doesn't necessarily mean you have to push yourself to talk to someone. My FI is introverted, but he's good at talking to people. He'd rather be at home with me at night than out doing social things because he doesn't thrive from being around lots of people and by the end of the day he's tried of having to do so since his job requires it, but he's by no means shy and he can start a conversation with anyone.

 

When we first met, I got sick of him trying to make conversation with me all the time.

[Harradin]

I'm an introvert and I prefer girls who are more extroverted, not as in going out having to socialise constantly but a balance!

 

I'm awfully shy when introducing myself to people but I'm fine when I'm with someone.

[thegreatesthumphrey]

Alright. Mini golf, let's go.

 

 

We will be there for quite a while! haha

[hasaquestion]

Male. Extroverted and I can't stand introverts. Nothing personal. They make me feel like I'm in the doghouse all the time.

[GravityMan]

How are in introverted girls and an introverted guy supposed to find out that they both like each other and start dating?

 

I just picture two people sitting next in close proximity to each other stealing glances. And nothing ever happens.

 

I think that about 40% of the adult world population is introverted or at least leans that way more often than not. Similar percentage for extroverts, with the rest in the middle.

 

On the other hand, the percentage of shy people is much smaller. Maybe 15% tops, with most of those being only mildly shy. Likewise for socially awkward folks...nearly everyone has their awkward moments but few of them are like that often enough for others to consider them socially awkward.

 

Many introverts can be VERY social when they're in the right environment and around the right people. And most of them can "function" just fine in environments normally suited for extroverts...they simply don't crave those settings very often if at all.

[AntiSocal]

I think most girls tend to be more extroverted. Finding a girl whose introverted and sweet is kind of a rarity. At least it has been in my experience.

 

I don't think it matters too much. Most guys prefer bubbly girls because its easy to tell where you stand with them. They also like the illusion of submissiveness that a bubbly personality creates. Your average bubbly girl acts like a total air head (and most aren't even dumb, just acting) which leaves the guy feeling manly, smart, and in control of something lol.

 

But an introverted guy like me would prefer someone with a real personality. Someone that i can sit in silence with from time to time. Someone who knows who they really are instead of just trying to keep up a facade for the outside world.

[SammySammy]

Interesting comments so far.

 

I'm also an INTJ, but I seem to prefer the company of extroverted women. Life seems to be more interesting with someone who compliments me rather than someone who is just like me.

 

I've spent most of my career in sales. So I spend a lot of time talking to people and building relationships. I am NOT shy at all and am very comfortable in social situations.

 

Being an introvert simply means that I'm also very comfortable spending time alone. I enjoy reading, writing and whatever else I decide I want to do alone. Quiet time is quite pleasant for me.

 

However, when my extroverted girlfriend wants to go to some social event I'm up for that too. A little variety is the spice of life for me.

[somedude81]

What I'd prefer the most, is a girl who makes it clear to me that she's interested.

 

That's all that really matters.

 

She also better not keep her problems to herself

[Johnson1]

I have run into this so much.

 

I want to know if there is an introverted man that would prefer an introverted girlfriend. I am not talking extremes. Just not super outgoing, bubbly, perky, bouncy, party loving. You know the type.

 

Yes, especially if she is beautiful and has a good sense of herself where she doesn't need to look in the mirror every 5 minutes. That is a rare find. Simplistic and down to earth is where it's at. It also results in relationships that are meaningful and will last because those who are a little introverted don't feel the need to be the center of attention constantly.

 

What I look for is someone who enjoys the simple things, time together by a fire, candle lit dinners, watching TV, taking a long drive in a convertible to stay at a beautiful bed and breakfast along the shore and watch the sunset come up in the morning. These are the things I would enjoy doing.

Edited March 31, 2014 by Vocals5

[Babolat]

Introvert here. I agree with the comments on being shy, it's not the same as being introvert.

 

I like my alone time, but I also like being with my friends, family. I stayed home every night Monday - Thursday this week, then met friends for drinks Friday night, had dinner with a good friend Saturday night, then went out with a friend for lunch yesterday. That's enough for a few days!

 

Ex gf was an extrovert and it drove me nuts; though I was initally very attracted to it. She WAS the partying type though. A woman I am getting to know now, has the eact same Myers Briggs Personaity Type as my ex gf, though she is so much different; it's refreshing. She popped over Saturday during a 2 hour "no kids" time to go for a long walk with me around my neighborhood. It was very nice. Ex gf could not do that at all.

 

I tried to date an Introvert this fall. At dinner we had lots of silence. When out with my couple friends she would not talked unless we asked her a question. I hate to admit it but this was a challenge for me. She was almost too quiet.

Edited April 14, 2014 by Babolat