AliOop Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I posted last week about struggling with a recent breakup. I'm still struggling with it and here's where I could use the opinions: My boss is a close friend (23 years working for him) and I (respect his opinions. He's seen how sad I've been and told me that it was stupid of me to end things with my man if I wasn't sure I wanted to. Problem is, I broke up because I found out I was lied to. In my opinion, one cannot stay with anyone who lies to them no matter HOW much it hurts. He's laughing at me because he says "you got what you wanted" (meaning I ended it). I feel like a crazy person for being so damn distraught by this BU. I know we are supposed to have a thick skin when it comes to love - but I clearly don't. Does anyone else ever feel like they are too sensitive to date? If so, how on earth did you get past it?
Sneaky Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 You're not a crazy person. Taking some time to get over it just means you have a big heart and that's a good thing. Your friend is a jerk for laughing at you. Please try not to worry about it and focus on taking care of yourself. I hope things will improve for you. 1
Author AliOop Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Sneaky, thanks for your kind reply, I seriously needed that. I can't remember the last time I was so depressed. Having a big heart is both a blessing and a curse, sigh.
sooshi Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah, your friend/boss wasn't kind by laughing at you. Breakups are usually hard and painful. You're not crazy. It can be hard for the person who ended the relationship too. There were good moments and memories and now it has to be left in the past. You had a connection that is no longer active. Sadness, pain, and a sense of loss are normal reactions to have with what has happened. I have a big heart too. After my ex-fiance left me, he soon pursued my best friend, who he has never met and has hardly ever spoken with. Pursued her even though he said he cared 100% about how I feel and how he didn't want to touch our friendship. Pursued her even though she's in a relationship and told him no (and after he removed me from social network connections and stopped talking to me). I have a big heart too and have felt guilty for hurting him as the result of blocking him for ONE night when I found out about all of this. In truth, he is the one who did wrong. Your ex wasn't honest with you. If she were repentant, truly repentant, then maybe there could be some reconcilitation. My ex hasn't apologized to me for what he has done, or to my friend.
Author AliOop Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Thanks, sooshi - yes, it IS hard. I can't believe what your ex fiancé pulled on you - wow. I'm soooooo sorry that you went through that. Seems the more stories I read on here, the more people I want to gather under my wing and just hug tightly. It's such a shame to see so many of us hurting - I sure wish we had on/off switches for our emotions.
sooshi Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah, I just came on here yesterday, and was surprised by how many people out there are hurting. How many stories there are of pain. It's saddening. If there is no reconciliation with your partner, I want you to know that you really do sound like you have a big heart. I feel it. And you deserve to be with someone who has a really big heart too! Thank you for what you said about my situation. I appreciate your thoughts.
Author AliOop Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Chi Town - he told me he was having dinner with his daughter and her friend. The next night I asked how his daughter was and he said he hadn't spoken to her in days. I got flustered and said nothing - he turned pink and stammered out "we didn't speak of anything important is what I meant." Sure. The kicker is - we were not exclusive! We were headed there but not there yet so all he had to do was go on his date and tell me nothing. Sheesh. Talk about foot-in-mouth. If someone lies when there's no reason to, just think what their partner would go through down the road, know what I mean? Sooshi - I'll keep you in my thoughts, thank you for being so nice.
Chi townD Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) See, that's the problem, I never got dating someone, but not exclusively. For me, it's either you're in or you're out. I mean, you might have been cool with him going on a date, but I think he was trying to spare your feelings. But, you're within your rights. If he was able to lie to you outside of being exclusive, what's to say he won't lie while you're exclusive. Yet, people that commit to each other, they tend to change when that exclusive label gets slapped on. Hard to say what the boundaries of a relationship are when you don't really know what you mean to each other. Edited March 18, 2014 by Chi townD
Author AliOop Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 ChiTown, I hear what you're saying, but don't we have to be in a non-committed relationship BEFORE becoming committed? Seems to me that we need time with someone to know whether or not we want to keep going/looking for commitment?
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