HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So date a guy for 3 months he acted like we were official but without the title, I asked if he wanted to make it official, he asked to think about it, I dropped him (I had too my self respect was on the line!). Heard nothing for 3 weeks then I text him Fri about something he specialises in (yea it was an excuse!! lol) he took ages to reply but sounded happy to hear from me he also brought things up that were related to our relationship not about the relationship but little jokes, we ended up texting most of Sat and his replies got quicker and quicker (I was mirroring him) then I stopped replying late at night... I kinda hoped if I stopped replying he would chase me but so far nothing.. his last text didnt really require a response. I dont know what to do and Im feeling like I want to reach out but I reached out last time and I know I should be NC!! argh! x
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Welcome to the friend-zone. Chilly, isn't it...? 1
David87 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 He's just being friendly, he has no romantic feelings for you . Sorry.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 He was def flirting with me tho thats why I took the gamble of stopping replying.... I hate this dating game lol x 1
David87 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 He was def flirting with me tho thats why I took the gamble of stopping replying.... I hate this dating game lol x It happened to me. I hate the friend-zone lol. 1
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Ill get us some hot chocolates and hot water bottles... we could be here a while lol x 1
Conners Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So date a guy for 3 months he acted like we were official but without the title, I asked if he wanted to make it official, he asked to think about it, I dropped him (I had too my self respect was on the line!). Heard nothing for 3 weeks then I text him Fri about something he specialises in (yea it was an excuse!! lol) he took ages to reply but sounded happy to hear from me he also brought things up that were related to our relationship not about the relationship but little jokes, we ended up texting most of Sat and his replies got quicker and quicker (I was mirroring him) then I stopped replying late at night... I kinda hoped if I stopped replying he would chase me but so far nothing.. his last text didnt really require a response. I dont know what to do and Im feeling like I want to reach out but I reached out last time and I know I should be NC!! argh! x Just go back to NC. He went three weeks without speaking to you, if he was really interested he would of made contact or decide he wanted to be in a relationship with you officially. Don't reach out again Don't let him think that he can get back into your pants without any sort of commitment by continuing to text him. 1
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Just go back to NC. He went three weeks without speaking to you, if he was really interested he would of made contact or decide he wanted to be in a relationship with you officially. Don't reach out again Don't let him think that he can get back into your pants without any sort of commitment by continuing to text him. Yea I know and I will do its just thrown me that he was chatty and flirty and as technically I ended things it makes me feel like maybe i should do more x
DirtyHairy Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Why are you trying to make it a game? Mirroring him, waiting for him to message you etc. Just be upfront about it and don't play games with it, so many people on here talk about playing games and how the person isn't messaging them etc etc. If you want something you pursue it simple as that, since you want him then you should pursue him and not play games. That is just my opinion though I don't get the whole "play games with it" thing.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Oh no I couldnt possibly put myself on the line like that lol it was bad enough being told he needed time to think ! lol x
Conners Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Oh no I couldnt possibly put myself on the line like that lol it was bad enough being told he needed time to think ! lol x exactly! don't settle for someone who needs to think about being with you. You deserve someone who would want to be with you in a heartbeat! x 3
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 exactly! don't settle for someone who needs to think about being with you. You deserve someone who would want to be with you in a heartbeat! x I was going to respond to that then but then I realised as I was typing that I was making excuses for him and justifying him... Ill be in my NC cave if anyone wants me lol x 1
Conners Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah don't make excuses for these sort of guys. & don't think him texting you is a sign is he still wants you. Last week I got a text from an unknown number which I immediately recognised as a guy I used to be obsessed with. I deleted his number after he used me for sex a few times and I found out he had a girlfriend. This was 3 years ago and i still recognised his number (how pathetic of me) All he said was ''hello :)" and I immediately got excited. I did a quick check of his fb and saw that he was still in a relationship and quickly deleted the message. I felt pathetic for even considering that he could still be into me after that amount of time. I'm still wondering why the hell he texted me after 3 years haha.
nadinefleur Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Oh hun, I feel you. I too dated a guy for a few months, and as soon as things looked like they were getting a little bit more serious then he bolted. We haven't spoken for a month now either and I keep getting tempted to text him, but I know that if he was interested he would contact me. And if I do contact him, he will either ignore it or reply, but that doesn't mean he would want to start seeing me again. And I have way too much dignity to ask that question. So I'm trying my best to remain NC and distract myself with other guys... he's still on my mind though
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Oh hun, I feel you. I too dated a guy for a few months, and as soon as things looked like they were getting a little bit more serious then he bolted. We haven't spoken for a month now either and I keep getting tempted to text him, but I know that if he was interested he would contact me. And if I do contact him, he will either ignore it or reply, but that doesn't mean he would want to start seeing me again. And I have way too much dignity to ask that question. So I'm trying my best to remain NC and distract myself with other guys... he's still on my mind though Feel your pain x it kinda made it worse that I did reach out cos the flirting has made me question things even more now! x
nadinefleur Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Well its done now, so just go back to NC and pretend it didn't happen. Just tell yourself if he wanted to see you he will tell you. I wouldn't initiate contact again, I know it sucks 1
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So date a guy for 3 months he acted like we were official but without the title, I asked if he wanted to make it official, he asked to think about it, I dropped him (I had too my self respect was on the line!). You dropped him because he asked if he could think about being official? .....why? That is so weird to me. Why not give him a little bit of space and let him think about it and then see what he had to say about it? Now that you've dropped him just like that before hearing him out you've labeled yourself as an unstable drama queen. And now you contact him again after 3 weeks? that just confirms you don't know what you want.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 You dropped him because he asked if he could think about being official? .....why? That is so weird to me. Why not give him a little bit of space and let him think about it and then see what he had to say about it? Now that you've dropped him just like that before hearing him out you've labeled yourself as an unstable drama queen. And now you contact him again after 3 weeks? that just confirms you don't know what you want. Disagree.. we were sleeping together, met each others kids, spent days and nights together and he needs to think about it... I could not agree and then when he has had his time to think get dumped... surely that shows his feelings, needs and wants are above my own x
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So.... why are you still even thinking about this guy?? Block, delete, disengage, and move on!
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 So.... why are you still even thinking about this guy?? Block, delete, disengage, and move on! Because of the "what ifs"! grrr I hate them ! x
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 'What ifs' are just BS we conjure up to fool ourselves into thinking there's hope for us yet. There is no point in pursuing this. Let it go, move on and notch it up to experience. You're wasting your time, and i think you know it. Focus on finding someone who deserves all the attention you're currently wasting on this loser. OK? 1
Gaeta Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Disagree.. we were sleeping together, met each others kids, spent days and nights together and he needs to think about it... I could not agree and then when he has had his time to think get dumped... surely that shows his feelings, needs and wants are above my own x You are thinking backward here. You cannot resent the man for wanting to think about it. You had sex with him KNOWING you did not have an official commitment from him and now you change the rules? As for the children, I don't know how old they are but as a mom who dated while having a teenage girl, I have never introduced my daughter to my dates unless I had a formal exclusivity/official relationship contract on the table. In my dating years I also discovered that not all people live by my rules, I was introduced to men's children very early sometimes, I assumed it meant I was being taken seriously and it did not. They were just men living by other moral values than I did, since then I stopped interpreting meeting the children as the man is serious about me. About the *what ifs*......well you missed that train. If you had let him think about it maybe he would have gotten back to you with *I am ready* or he would have come back with *I am not ready*, at least you would know where you stand.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 'What ifs' are just BS we conjure up to fool ourselves into thinking there's hope for us yet. There is no point in pursuing this. Let it go, move on and notch it up to experience. You're wasting your time, and i think you know it. Focus on finding someone who deserves all the attention you're currently wasting on this loser. OK? Yup... in my NC cave as we speak ! :-) x I know what I need to do just sometimes u need it reinforced by others ! x
Fondue Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I always try to reverse the roles and put myself in other people's shoes. So think about it this way. Would you want to get dropped if you needed time to think about "it?" Be honest with yourself. Would you want someone to respect your wishes and give you some time to consider things, or would you rather have someone go no-contact on you? If you are even slightly considering that you'd want that time, then that makes you kind of a hypocrite. Just saying.
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