pinnatarr Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I'm currently dating a guy who works in the same office as me. We met a few months ago and around four weeks ago started talking every day after work and staying up late at night messaging each other etc. The 'relationship' got very full on within the space of a few days. We went to see a concert together, then went for dinner the next night etc etc, and a few days later had sex. Since then, we've had sex a few times and it's been great. We've stayed up talking for hours, had breakfast together and gone for drinks with both my friends and his. The scary thing is that we see each other every day. I'll leave work to go and get ready to meet him back out again. It's a new situation for me, and him! We've both been single for around 3 years, and we've spoken about how getting in to a new 'relationship' is very daunting to both of us as we're used to our independence, and that it could get very messy if anything were to happen because we're in the same office. I've noticed in the last week that he seems to be backing off a bit. Not being available in the evenings, having to work late and not communicating with me as much as he did in work. If we're alone in the kitchen together, he'll still grab my waist or give me a hug etc but it's just very much toned down to how it was before. I'm not doubting that he's interested, we're really enjoying the time we spend together. So, I suppose I'd just like some advice. Is it normal for a guy to take a step back like this and want things to slow down? We both don't want to rush anything, but I'm just not used to a guy backing off - I'm used to the chase going the other way around! How do I make sure I'm not waiting around for when he's ready to see me? I really don't want to fall in to that pattern. Any comments/advice on the situation would be much appreciated. I think I'm just looking for reassurance that this is a normal situation. Is he just freaking out a bit at the whole intense-ness? Thanks!
mammasita Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Not to rain on your parade - but its a terrible idea to date someone you work with. Have you heard the phrase "don't eat where you $hit".....It makes for a very uncomfortable situation. 3
newmoon Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 just start to update your resume because work relationships go bad so often it's very likely you will be leaving your job. I was in a work romance for almost 3 years, it went south and I had to transfer to a new office to avoid daily interaction with my ex. It's just a horrible idea; but that boat has sailed for you. The best thing I can say is that men don't "back off" unless they are backing off from you. I've never had a guy who seriously liked/wanted me back away (unless he was dealing with personal stuff for a day or whatever). Men who like you stay interested; men who back away are sensing problems with you or the relationship so be very careful because it often signals a downward spiral. I also did the same as you - would wok with him 8 hours and then see him after work a few days a week. What ended up happening was h would count our work time as "together time" and I would often never see him on weekends, because we'd had enough of each other during the work week. If you were a smart woman you'd reconsider it, really. There are so many available men not at the workplace. It was my first work dating experience and my last ... it nearly ruined my career. 1
Thicke2013 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 First of all, do you work directly with this guy? I mean, do you see him literally all day? If so, then that will make it tough if this relationship does end. I think work relationships "can" work but they are very difficult. You have to be able to set boundaries and keep work, work. My GF and I of over a year work in the same office building, literally on opposite corners of the building. I seldom see her during the work day unless we happen to meet coincidentally getting coffee or going to the restroom. We ride to work together and often times even take lunches together. It works great for us. Thing is, we don't have to see each other during the day. When we first started dating, we might pop kiss at the kitchen or something like that. Now that we are both more secure in our relationship, we discussed it and decided that work is work and needs to be kept separate from "us". We obviously still speak if we see one another in the hall, but we don't kiss at work and don't hug. It's a personal preference and neither of us want to seem unprofessional at work. Maybe that is why he seems to be pulling back at work. Is he also pulling back in your personal time with him? If the relationship is worth it, I don't think because you work together it can't happen, but it will take more communication skills from both of you and some retraint while in the workplace. Trust me, your co-workers do not want to see you feeling each other up at the copy machine. Good luck!
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Never, ever, ever, EVER date a colleague. Ever. EVER. EVER. EV-ER. 1
Secret Advisor Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Seems like a natural pause in a new relationship.
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