daisybuchanan55 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Hi everyone! Realize I haven't posted in a longgg time but wanted you all to know how much these boards helped me the last time around. I really appreciated it then and still do. So, onto today's issue...just wanted some honest thoughts from the very insightful people here. Realize the headline sounds conceited but I figure I have to be upfront if I'm going to get a real response. Normally would NEVER refer to myself as a "hot girl"...how mortifying. I am a 25-year-old woman, well-educated, fun (and interesting) job and attractive. I get asked out a lot and go on lots of dates but rarely find men who really give me butterflies. Last week I was in another city for job interviews and finally met up IN PERSON with a guy I connected with on Tinder in that city (I knowwww) LAST year and have been chatting with casually since then. He's VERY good on paper and I'm sure he knows it but because everything had been "virtual" until the other day I wasn't expecting my reaction to him: I was pretty blown away. I am very rarely nervous around men but this guy made my palms sweat. Not only is he insanely handsome in real life, he really is charming, funny, sweet and smart. We met at a bar...he was there with his friend, I brought a wing woman. He had been texting all night asking us to meet up and finally we showed up at 2am. We stayed and chatted until the bar closed at 4. I had a blast, we told wild/goofy stories, he seemed to really have fun but I'm kind of worried because... He didn't try to make a move on me. WHAT. HAPPENED. My mind began to race. Did he think I wasn't classy enough for him? (He's very blue blood-y...) Was I too loud? Too much make-up? Talk too much? Tease him too much? Many guys love my crazy personality but I fear I came off too Chelsea Handler-ish for a first meeting. Personally I love her but I realize that over-the-top thing can be a turn-off for some guys. But he kind of knew I was crazy...I mean, we've talked on and off online and via text for a year... Or maybe he was actually being a gentleman? I mean, the previous night I'd kind of shut him down via text when he insinuated he wanted to either hook up or get nakey pics of me. I made a joke that basically said, "Yeah, NO..." Since I made it clear that I wasn't going to tolerate his bro-y behavior, was he just trying to respect my boundaries once we met in person? Or was he feeling weird about making a move because our friends were both there? When we left he and his friend got us a cab and hugged us goodbye. He said he hoped I got the job...and then we left. I haven't heard from him since...two days ago. A little bit on him...he's the kind of guy who could probably date any girl he wanted. He's an Ivy League educated, athletic, wealthy guy who is legitimately smart and funny. Wow, what a horrible combination, huh? You get the picture... If you were the guy in this situation, what would be your reasons for not making a move? To be completely honest I left that situation thinking, wow, am I not even good enough, physically, to try to hook up with? Or is my personality THAT bad? This pretty much never happens to me and I felt VERY rejected. Note: I'm sorry if this sounds like a champagne problem. It is. I realize I probably sound like an ******* here. But I'm really wigged out. ANY thoughts would be appreciated! THANK YOU.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) Two hot people...neither made a move...that is what happened. Were you paralyzed? After you joked about his sexual come on, maybe he felt you just wanted to be friends? That would have been my take. Even if a girl doesn't want to get nekkid for or with me, if she acts like it is a turnoff which might be what he saw your rejection as, I would just be friendly until she showed me she was into me as a man again. Joking like Chelsea handler might not be a good idea for this guy because he isnt too used to edgy girls. IMHO, G Edited March 18, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 1
ascendotum Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 It could very easily be any one of those aspects you mentioned. You would be better off getting an assessment from someone who was right there watching....your wing woman. Did you ask her? He lives in another city, and you were just visiting for a job interview + you nixed his play for a hookup the day before, so I'm curious what did you want to happen exactly....a kiss & hug goodnight, or for him to invite you back to his place and for you to reject him but feel good he wanted you or maybe for you go back to his place but say 'I don't normally do this...'. 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) ED? lol i kid. I think he probably figured you wouldnt be up for a casual fling, so he decided not to make a move and left it up to you. Clearly the dude will have options and does not need to jump the gun. You rebuffed his hints regarding a fling, and this is the outcome you created. Edited March 18, 2014 by kaylan
newmoon Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I'm not clear.. was this a first meeting after chatting online/text for a year? if it's been that long you're probably just a friend.
StanMusial Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Something is way, way off here. Typically when two hot people are in the same room together there is immediate and copious amounts of copulation followed by spontaneous combustion and cold nucleur fusion. Maybe see a therapist? At a bare minimum consult a podiatrist. 5
Versacehottie Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 First of all i think there's a bit of a hookup vibe to tinder. Not that it couldn't work out to be more BUT if you kinda rebuffed his hookup stuff well then he may have been cautious/uninterested. Also once things become "real", as in: in-person, sometimes suddenly people get paralyzed and shy-ish. If he is same age as you or near to, he probably isn't looking for anything serious and all those qualities that you have that would make for a good relationship/girlfriend don't really matter because that is not what he is evaluating. In this case hot & flirty (in a way that appeals to him) is a baseline, perhaps the only, requirement. HOWEVER, and it's a big one, don't assume that although you are really good looking that your personality didn't turn him off. While you may have met the baseline criteria, if you did loud, obnoxious things out that night, it becomes more of a liability and is not hot to a lot of guys. Even 25 year old guys just looking for a hookup or thereabouts, can get turned off. Don't take this the wrong way, because that personality works for some guys BUT in general that Chelsea Handler type vibe seems like a girl who gets around, throws a wide net & is trying too hard, desperate. WHATEVER the situation, hookup or more, there has to be an element that what he is getting is special, reserved just for him, happened because he is who he is. Sorry, I'm just telling it like I have observed and/or my guy friends have told me. I believe you are really pretty and that will definitely get you "in the door" with a lot of people!! All of that said, if this is really 100% your personality, keep it as it is and it will be a fit with someone--although more than likely not the type of guy you described. So if you want that kind, tone it down a bit. Most guys want a lady to an extent and even great looks don't outweigh everything. There is a reason that arm candy/golddigger types on arms of old rich guys barely speak and just look good!! LOL 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 You're probably not as hot as you think you are and he could sense that you thought you were entitled to a hottie.
FitChick Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 He was looking for a ONS. If he had wanted more, he'd have met you alone to have time to get to know you in person and see if there was chemistry.
Allumere Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Something is way, way off here. Typically when two hot people are in the same room together there is immediate and copious amounts of copulation followed by spontaneous combustion and cold nucleur fusion. Maybe see a therapist? At a bare minimum consult a podiatrist. Quote of the day....LOL. Ms. Daisy, for all that is good PLEASE stop over-thinking. You meet, had a great time. Nothing wrong with him, nothing wrong with you. Too over the top? Well if ya have to play it down then you wouldn't be yourself now would ya...and whats the point of not being yourself. It was an encounter. As Dr, Suess says "don't cry cause it's over, smile caused it happened" If you learn to meet people with intention versus expectation you may find you are having more fun and you won't be left with all these questions. Hey, most of us have been there so I am not busting on you (and I am guilty of sliding back in that mode from time to time). 2
Do_The_Herp Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Stop over thinking things so much. Maybe he wasn't interested. If he really did ask for "newd pix", more likely he was looking for a casual fling / inappropriately crossed sexual boundaries for assuming that you'd be willing to send him naked pics.
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