Ratsofftoyou Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 So one day my husband and our friend was hanging out and friend we'll call him R. Was talking about Husband's previous job which R now works. R brought up a certain girl that works there saying she was hot and such then my husband shows him a picture of her boobs and ass that she(we'll call her B) had sent to him via text. R is a pretty moral guy and thought it was pretty messed up that my husband had that on his phone but didn't say anything at the time. We'll a few days later he gets drunk at our house. R is drinking a lot and my husband is getting sick of his drunkenness and tells r not to drink in out house anymore. R gets offended and blurts out in front of me how my husband has these nudes from his ex coworker on his phone. It was a punch right in the gut. I end up having to drive r home since he is too drunk to drive. He tells me the story of how he saw it on the way. I get back homeand iI told him to be honest and tell me what happened. He said B got a boob job was proud of them and was showing them to a lot of people. He said the reason B even had his number is because he had to call her into work one day and she wouldn't answer the businesses phone so he used his personal cell to text her. After he changed jobs back in June, while I was very pregnant with our second child (she knew this and knew we were married) B text him "can I send you a pic" he said sure. So she texted him pictures of her boobs and ass. He gave her a compliment instead of telling her she is being very inappropriate. Then he keeps the pics on his phone for months before I find out. They would S ill be there right now had R never told me. I am very pissed my husband kept the pics and also gave B compliments instead of setting a boundary with B. This all happened about 2 months ago. We have talked about it a lot and I still think about it all the time and can't get over it. It also doesn't help that I am completely ruined after pregnancy. My body sucks. I have bad self esteem issues. Of course B is freaking hot and makes me want to die(figuratively). So I'm Hateing myself and can't get over this. But we talked about it a lot and I have nothing new to say.
Speakingofwhich Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 At the very least your husband has boundary issues. But, then, you know that now. Ever thought about MC for the two of you? It might help you both and could save your marriage. Even if he has been faithful so far having weak boundaries with women puts your marriage in harm's way. 1
Arvin_Solheim Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I think if he had cheated he wouldn't have kept the pics.....him keeping the pics just means that he felt nice that a hot girl sent him a couple of sexy fotos, and he didn't want to lose proof that a girl was so obviously trying to entice him:-?? 1
Author Ratsofftoyou Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Are you sure nothing happened between them He said nothing else happened with them. I believe him because he is always home. He never goes anywhere but work. He even comes home on his lunch.
Author Ratsofftoyou Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 I think if he had cheated he wouldn't have kept the pics.....him keeping the pics just means that he felt nice that a hot girl sent him a couple of sexy fotos, and he didn't want to lose proof that a girl was so obviously trying to entice him:-?? He said he didn't delete the pictures because he doesn't delete anything which is true. It was definitely an ego boost for him. He promised nothing like this will ever happen again. He doesn't think it's a to big of a deal. I do though and it broke my heart.
xAkulax Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) He said nothing else happened with them. I believe him because he is always home. He never goes anywhere but work. He even comes home on his lunch. Will if that's the case then I wouldn't worry too much then. You have told him how you feel about it and he has promised not to do it again there really inst a lot more you can do at this point. As for your body self esteem issues try going to gym with your husband Edited March 18, 2014 by xAkulax
Grumpybutfun Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) As a married man who is very happy, I want to say that your husband is an ass. First of all, I don't accept photos of any kind from women, my ego is just fine without some skank blowing up my phone with lewd crap. Second of all, if he has a problem with his ego and needs a boost, he should be more compassionate to his wife who had children and feels undesirable. If he has no empathy for or compassion for what this has done for to your ego, he is a complete ass. He hid all of this stuff so he is also duplicitous and untrustworthy. Men like me don't cheat because we don't have chinks in our armor, there are no instances where I am alone with a woman, or anything but polite or professional with a woman and there is no one who is going to send me anything like that on my phone to disrespect me or my wife. If he has no boundaries and is still hunting for other women and showing his friends nude photos then that is probably who he is as a man. These are the actions of a single man who cares more about being a cool guy to his single drunk party friends than being a good family man to his wife and kids. If I did this to my wife, her entire perception of me would change and I know that she would feel like she had been betrayed and duped. I would be kicked out because she doesn't suffer fools and I respect the hell out of her for that. She may or may not take me back if I could figure out why my ego needs a boost and if I learn to not be a selfish dirtbag. I would also have to figure out boundaries and what commitment means, and I would have to show her that I wanted to be in this marriage more than I want to impress my buddies or carry around photos of nude coworkers. She would make it tough and she would make me work for her...I am lucky to have her, she isn't someone you disrespect. You might think I am overreacting, but I am a man who spent most of my adult life around other men in the military, and this screams infidelity waiting to happen or has already happened. This is that red flag women say they wished they had of their cheating husband. Men can cheat and lie while their wives haven't a clue. In fact, you better get tested for STDs and verify, verify, verify anything he tells you, starting with bills, credit cards, phone records, bank information, and medical information. Check for Viagra and condoms in his car, in his workout bag, in his work clothes, or coats. Strange phone numbers? Excessive showers? New clothes? New cologne? Hanging out with guys you never met? Working overtime or after hours? It really doesn't matter because most of the guys left work to be with their skanks so they were gone from home during their regular work hours and still cheated. Fumbling sex in a car apparently doesn't take long for some. In the Navy, I knew many men who said they were at work to their wives and were really in the beds of their mistresses, meeting chicks, maybe they were chicks, from craigslist, or hiring escorts. Their wives all said to me when they eventually were found out, when did he have time? He worked from this time to this time.....he always came home for lunch, he never missed little Tommy's games......well, they find a way if they are cheats and your husband sounds like he has either cheated, he has flirted with cheating with coworkers, or it is greatly on his radar to cheat in the future. None of these men thought anything they did was a big deal because they were still with their wife. Your husband is diminishing it so you will forget it. Trust is over, be hyper aware and get some professional help for yourself to deal with this.....you are going to need it. Get angry because you should be, this is a gateway to cheating if nothing else, Grumps Edited March 18, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 12
Spark1111 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Oh, not that big of a deal he thinks? really? Tell him you intend to call her to determine what sort of woman would send tits and ass photos to a MM co-worker. You already have her number.....and watch his reaction.....very carefully. OR, download nude photos of some stud with no face on your phone, claim it is an old BF and ask him HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL? tell him you are keeping it for a few months BECAUSE it's not such a big deal now, right? 2
excusememister Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Rats... Read, re-read, and read Grumpy's post - seriously. "Men can cheat and lie while their wives haven't a clue". I had lunch nearly everyday with my WS. He would either come home for lunch or I would meet him out. When he wasn't at work, he was ALWAYS at home. In November, I discovered he had been in a 9-year affair - SHOCKED Early on, while we were dating, I found condoms in his bag. He came up with some elaborate excuse that I wanted/needed to believe. - RED FLAG!! Maybe your husband is not cheating, but there are serious boundary issues going on. This sucks - you should be concerned 1
GorillaTheater Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Grumpy hit it out of the park. The only thing I'd add is that if B is married, there's a very good chance that he doesn't know what his wife is up to and would be very interested in finding out. And call me cynical, but it's tough for me to see your husband having these photos if there wasn't something even more inappropriate going on.
sunburned Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Oh, not that big of a deal he thinks? really? Tell him you intend to call her to determine what sort of woman would send tits and ass photos to a MM co-worker. You already have her number.....and watch his reaction.....very carefully. OR, download nude photos of some stud with no face on your phone, claim it is an old BF and ask him HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL? tell him you are keeping it for a few months BECAUSE it's not such a big deal now, right? This may well be nothing but your H getting his ego stroked but I was thinking the same thing as Sparks, bolded above. Why don't you call or text her and ask why she sent your H those photos. Call from his phone. I just think most women wouldn't text a married male colleague photos unless there was already some sort of existing ... erm .... friendship. It may have been a friendship based on little more than office flirting, but you definitely want to put the kabash on it right now. Sorry you are having to deal with this. 1
xxoo Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 He accepted the photos He kept the photos, and obviously hadn't forgotten them He SHOWED OFF the photos....ugh! He's dug a pretty deep hole. Let him work to climb out of it. He should be trying very hard to prove his worthiness. 2
excusememister Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Rats... I also wanted to mention that your body will come back. There are a lot of exercises you can do at home or even walk through the neighbor or park. Give it some time, but take care of yourself and keep your eyes wide open. As for "Ms. Hottie"... she sounds desperate for attention and suffering from severe esteem issues. Seriously, sending racy photos to co-workers?? Stupid, immature, destructive, disrespectful and callous for her to send and for your husband to accept and keep
sunburned Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Rats... I also wanted to mention that your body will come back. There are a lot of exercises you can do at home or even walk through the neighbor or park. Give it some time, but take care of yourself and keep your eyes wide open. As for "Ms. Hottie"... she sounds desperate for attention and suffering from severe esteem issues. Seriously, sending racy photos to co-workers?? Stupid, immature, destructive, disrespectful and callous for her to send and for your husband to accept and keep Excusememister is right on. You CAN get your body back (i know, i have a lot of kids!). She, on the other hand, will probably always be immature, destructive and disrespectful. 1
Author Ratsofftoyou Posted March 19, 2014 Author Posted March 19, 2014 Thanks everyone. I just feel really mad and disrespected. This girl probably thinks I'm a freaking joke. She mostly likely thinks I'm an idiot with a jerk husband since he didn't defend our marriage. She just gets away with being a slut. 3
Spark1111 Posted March 19, 2014 Posted March 19, 2014 Thanks everyone. I just feel really mad and disrespected. This girl probably thinks I'm a freaking joke. She mostly likely thinks I'm an idiot with a jerk husband since he didn't defend our marriage. She just gets away with being a slut. this could be true....or NOT. call her and find out. But he cannot continue to be a jerk husband. Call him out on that. Use every means necessary. he crossed a very serious boundary. THAT IS a big deal. Make him, using every means necessary, to understand it. Otherwise, as so many here have said, it will happen again to maybe even a greater extent. You have two babies. You do not need the heartache of a cheating husband in your future. Nip it in the bud TODAY. 1
Lemonitaz Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I just wanted to add that your husband's description of how he obtained these pictures sounds highly fishy... that B just texted him "can I show you a pic" or whatever the exact words were, and then sent him the pics. Makes me think- at minimum- there were previous flirtatious or inappropriate conversations between the two of them that lead up to that, him saying she just sent that out of the blue doesn't make sense to me. Even if she did just want to show off her boobs, I can't imagine someone just opening with "can I send you a pic".... if he never deletes anything from his phone, I'd be curious about any texts that lead up to that pic as well as the ones afterward.
painfullyobvious Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 If it was just about the new boobs why was there a butt shot as well? This was attention seeking from a willing participant. You can get upset at the woman but it was the husband with the poor boundaries who did not apply the brakes or stop sign. It is slow tip toes like this that eventually lead to affairs. Affairs just don't happen. There are many opportunities to turn away. It is those that ignore these instances or welcome them that find themselves in trouble later after many failed chances to stop the flirting or sexual tension.
cocahouts Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 This is an iffy one.... when my wife and I were both happy with out issues a few years ago I had some naked pics on my phone but because they were funny or something I thought she would like, there were some that I enjoyed also. But they were never of anyone I knew or especially worked with. Big red flag but at the same time if I had a hot woman at work teasing me with her tits I might hold on to them too. It doesn't mean we're doing anything but at the same time not very respectful to my wife. We are men, most of us dogs.. LOL We just love T&A..... But everyone's right it shouldn't be of someone we work with
cocahouts Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I don't see getting mad about porn on someones phone, but if it's from someone that they know that's a different story. Tumblr is fun for the smart phones, just look up anything and you'll find a ton of crap but if I found pictures of her A partner I would be pissed.
Ms. Red Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 He said the reason B even had his number is because he had to call her into work one day and she wouldn't answer the businesses phone so he used his personal cell to text her. How did he have her personal phone number for texting her? He said he didn't delete the pictures because he doesn't delete anything which is true. So, if this is true ask him to show you the original text where he was calling her into work after you ask him how he got her personal phone number to do so. I'm feeling like others on here that this whole thing sounds fishy. I don't think your husband is being completely honest with you. I think there was, is or will be more going on with them. 1
cocahouts Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I have personal numbers from women at my work and it's not something that I consider a bid deal. My wife also has men from her work and I don't think that it's a big deal. Now if the affair was from work then someone needs to get another job no questions asked.
Charlie Harper Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 If you saw my phone and its contents you would swear that I am the biggest casanova....some female friends send me very racy videos via watsapp, photos, and funny messages, a lot of them have profile pictures in bikinis..etc... I make jokes on conversations... and I don't have sex with anyone of them, in fact I haven had sex in 5 months.... SPEAK / ASK.... DEMAND...never asume life is full of surprises and sometimes apareances deceive ...
violet1 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 How did he have her personal phone number for texting her? So, if this is true ask him to show you the original text where he was calling her into work after you ask him how he got her personal phone number to do so. I'm feeling like others on here that this whole thing sounds fishy. I don't think your husband is being completely honest with you. I think there was, is or will be more going on with them. I was thinking the same. I can't imagine someone sending pics like that unless they were completely comfortable doing so. I don't know...maybe he's not cheating, but he definitely disrespected your marriage. Showing the pics to his friends like she's some prize is cruel as well IMO.
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