pixy25 Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 I am feeling a bit desperate. I have been in a roller coaster relationship for what seems like too long now. 6 years to be precise. We are now engaged and living together and "planning" a wedding for this coming summer. We have been engaged for two years and the wedding has been postponed due to work/school as well as communication issues. I love him to death as he does me. I just don't think we jive. I am going through hell because not only is my relationship suffering, but I am miserable at my job and am vying to find a new one. My confidence is low and I'm confused as to what to do next as far as career, etc...So basically my whole life is in chaos. My fiance is very frustrated by my lack of direction and motivation. He has recently turned 30 and is at a point in his life where he is first and foremost concerned with success, mostly financial. It has become the one encompassing goal and I feel that I am watching from the sidelines. He pushes me to go into careers and jobs that aren't really what I want because he knows I have the ability to "do it" and he knows I can too be financially successful. I feel like I'm in a state of limbo. I love him and wish things could be like they were before without all of this pressure. I am one that believes family and friends are most important, then work. If those aren't right then that doesn't make for a good life. He is almost blinded these days by how to get where he wants to go and seems to not see or hear my complete frustration with it and with my own situation. I don't feel that his pushing me (pretty aggressively) is helping me. By this I mean he's always telling me to "network" and contacts, and get out there, etc... It's good and bad all in the same breath because it's good to have someone motivating you, but I think it's his method of doing so that isn't effective. I feel that it actually hinders me because I feel that he wants me to change. He makes frequet comments about how I "should" be more like so and so and how so and so really has it together and how focus is so important. Meanwhile, he has not been a superstar. He did not do well in college (grade wise, partied quite a bit). He has had several set backs in his career with a few lay offs, etc....Right now he's doing okay but basically never satisfied. He even told me this himself once not long ago (that he never feels fully satisfied). I forgot to mention I am 26. We have been together for so long that it's really the life I know but I just don't know if we can be together and be truly happy. We are quite different in that he's a mountain guy and I am a beach/city girl. He is very moody. The best way I can describe our relationship is a roller coaster. Great highs and bad lows. I am a trooper. We have tried counceling. I have had my own "issues" along the way with OCD type symptoms and an eating disorder which I know weren't easy for him to deal with. He deals by just moving along and is fine with our situation. He says relationships are work and doesn't expect things to be perfect. He tells me I need a thicker skin and that my parents sheltered me too much from the "real world". His childhood was the opposite. He had no one watching him or paying attention and did what he pleased. He was verbally abused which I know has resided in him as it comes out every so often when he gets frustrated or we argue. I feel that generally we disrespect and annoy each other too much. I still love him though which makes it hard to go as love is very blind I have learned. I'm venting and would appreciate any thoughts....
mt_joy Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 That can be so hard. Seeing that marriage should last forever, don't just get married without solving these issues. You've already tried couselling. Did it help at all? Maybe you can move out for a while and see how things go. I know you say you love him, but it seems like you're sad just as often as your're happy. You can't go through the rest of your life like that. Joy MT Student
Author pixy25 Posted January 27, 2005 Author Posted January 27, 2005 The counceling did help but we didn't continue it very long. After a while counceling seemed boring and repetitive to me. Although I must say it did help. This is so hard because I'd rather go along with things and not face the issues. We love each other. Isn't that enough. I'm not sure...
moimeme Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 that generally we disrespect and annoy each other too much First of all, promise me to quit using 'disrespect' as a verb. It sucks. It's a noun. Now, most importantly, do not marry. Respect is *critical* to a good relationship. I don't care how much you think you 'love' him, if respect isn't part of that love, run far and do it now. This is a train wreck waiting to happen. Better you cut your losses after 6 years than after 10 or 15 or 20.
Author pixy25 Posted January 27, 2005 Author Posted January 27, 2005 I'm glad that I came here to look for some genuine advice and get a slap on the hand for improper grammar. Thank you, for NOTHING. Why don't you go and annoy some other people now whose first and foremost consideration is that their grammar is perfect. Don't even consider the fact that the person writing may be in a of despair This is an Internet Forum not a published rag. However, perhaps there are some postings for editorial assistant jobs on another web-site. "Sucks", a very classy word. With all of your knowledge of the English language, I am sure that you will choose a better suited word next time.
moimeme Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Um. Lighten up. Did you read the rest of what I wrote at all????????????
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