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Waiting for the anger phase? Don't worry...It's on its way!

Highlight888

By Highlight888
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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I listened to friends and family. I doubted them.

 

I sat and read this forum,,,through countless posts, telling us to just wait for the anger phase. I doubted you all as well. I read, through many tears saying... "I will never get to the anger phase...ever. I'm just too sad!"

 

Guess who's here!!!!!! Welcome the Anger Phase!!

 

I should have listened to you guys...

 

I'm still sad, but I am certainly something else ...mad as heck!

 

It sort of changes things for me. I no longer sit here saying why or what if or will he come back.

 

I now sit here saying who the F cares. Screw him! How dare he make promises and not keep them. How dare he put pressures on me to change my life for him, but not do the same in return. How dare he shut me out like I meant nothing.

 

Instead of hoping to run into him, I now find myself hoping that I never see him again.

 

For all of you who are still doubting, and stuck in sad phase. Please hang in there. You will get to the anger phase. And if you don't, then chances are you are well on your way to recovery!

 

The only way to get TO the other side is to go THROUGH what's in front of you. No short cuts or ways around.

 

Not sure what the next phase is, but I'm sure I'll feel even better when it gets here..

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StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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I feel like I've gone through all the phases now, but I'm back to being angry again, because I keep thinking how fast she got a new boyfriend (in less than a week) and how that is just dirty and cruel, with no remorse. I know that she was using somebody new to help get over me, but it still pisses me off.

 

Other than that I'm somewhat okay, still moments of sadness, but mostly just anger.

Weallwalkthelongroad Established Member

Weallwalkthelongroad

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I like the anger phase. It's better than the sad phase.

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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Sam...how long has it been since the break up? Yea..sounds like she picked up a rebound to get over you, but not knowing the details...who broke up with who...and why, it's difficult to tell.

But stay pissed. I like it here way better!

StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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yeah it's been 2 1/2 months, the anger is better than sadness I agree. She broke up with me, I feel like I'm getting close, the next step might be getting laid. Unlike her I couldn't do that right away though, I actually have morals.

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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Oh man! I'm not ready for the next step then!!

 

I am in no way ready to get laid...lol. I know they say the best way to get over someone...is to get under another. But yea...I have morals too.

 

I just hit the 5 week mark.

 

Hmmm 2.5 months, hu? I know...we all heal at our own pace. I'm hoping the angry phase stays and overpowers the sad one. I never want to see that again.

StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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I was sad for a long time b/c it was a 7 years relationship and we lived together almost that whole time. Losing the emotional support that your best friend use to give you on a daily basis is what make this really hard for me personally. I mean it still hurts, but not as frequently, and if she had stayed single like she said she was going to, it probably would have been better for me. But she lied and hooked up right away then rubbed it in my face. No matter how you look at it, she's a bitch!

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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Keep looking at her that way. I was sad for this whole time too...thinking how much my best friend hurt me. (He left me to go try to work things out with his wife....they didn't live together). So I take this, and I now consider him a douche...for what he did....leading me down a path, only to change course.

So,,,seeing him as a douche certainly helps me big time!

Whether your ex girl really liked this other guy or not,,,stay mad at her.

Rubbing it in your face? Uncalled for. There is enough emotions in any break up. No need to add games to the mix...

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StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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Yeah I agree, I've known the whole time she was cold and heartless and mean, but it's hard to accept that the person you used to love is gone and different. But I have and now I'm angry, thankfully that should pass soon enough. Seeing how petty and immature she's been post BU hurt, but just the same opened my eyes to how much of a waste of time it is to be upset.

Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

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I feel like I've gone through all the phases now, but I'm back to being angry again, because I keep thinking how fast she got a new boyfriend (in less than a week) and how that is just dirty and cruel, with no remorse.

 

Sam, hate to break it to you, but she didn't get a new boyfriend fast. She was already seeing him WEEKS or MONTHS before she dumped you. She simply went public with it after you got dumped because she didn't care if she hurt you anymore.

 

It amazes me how many posts on LS are posted asking "how could she move on so fast?" or "what an evil man for dating that girl days after leaving me!". They have been seeing that "new" guy or girl for weeks or months. Maybe not always in the flesh, but definitely via email, text or whatever social network tickles your fancy.

 

That's just my take on it.

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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Oh yea,,,use that eye opener to your advantage. Won't take away the loss but be happy that you won't have her and her immaturity in your future. Once the pain goes away, you will feel differently I'm sure and be grateful you are no

longer together.

I'm 45.... So it's not my first rodeo. I do know for sure that once the pain lessons....in most cases... You look back and say......What was I thinking?!?!?

 

You just gotta get to that point. There....lies the hard part...

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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Mr Pine...tough but true point. One to think about Sam. Maybe she's a bigger bitch than you originally thought. In my experience in life, what Mr Pine points out is most often the case in a presentation like yours...

Mr.Pine Established Member

Mr.Pine

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Mr Pine...tough but true point. One to think about Sam. Maybe she's a bigger bitch than you originally thought. In my experience in life, what Mr Pine points out is most often the case in a presentation like yours...

 

Thank you for the kind words, Highlight. But sometimes I wish I were completely wrong.

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LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

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I'm really scared to embrace the anger phase. I mean, I have my angry moments but I try to get past it.

I think I'm afraid that once I let myself really feel the anger that it won't stop and I'll end up bitter and cranky forever.

 

I guess I don't want to get stuck there and never get to indifference.

But it does feel REALLY good when it happens.

WYSWYG Established Member

WYSWYG

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I'm really scared to embrace the anger phase. I mean, I have my angry moments but I try to get past it.

I think I'm afraid that once I let myself really feel the anger that it won't stop and I'll end up bitter and cranky forever.

 

I guess I don't want to get stuck there and never get to indifference.

But it does feel REALLY good when it happens.

 

Don't be afraid..

 

Anger is good energy if used well. I hit the gym harder w/ it - do a run, hit the heavy bag harder, etc.....got me in good shape and def a confidence booster

 

Like everything, it begins and will end.

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WYSWYG Established Member

WYSWYG

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Sam, hate to break it to you, but she didn't get a new boyfriend fast. She was already seeing him WEEKS or MONTHS before she dumped you. She simply went public with it after you got dumped because she didn't care if she hurt you anymore.

 

It amazes me how many posts on LS are posted asking "how could she move on so fast?" or "what an evil man for dating that girl days after leaving me!". They have been seeing that "new" guy or girl for weeks or months. Maybe not always in the flesh, but definitely via email, text or whatever social network tickles your fancy.

 

That's just my take on it.

 

Very true, 'happened to me twice.....it's premeditated. I was once a dumper too and know the other side well.

 

Things change. Peoples taste and priorities change. It makes the dumper seem cruel but it's their life they're looking out for.

 

I've suffered since the split 4 months ago. I knew she was infatuated w/ another and made her choice. I hated her but also hated the thought of me being that possessive.

 

You can never relived the pain of past BU's but I knew I have to tackle the misery that lies ahead. The battle gets familiar once you're in it.

 

But I learned that life goes on again after the initial shock of a BU. In my darkest moments, I pretend to be a warrior - redirecting sadness to anger to win the battle. I knew she can care less and that fires me up.

 

I think less of my ex nowadays. I've also seen them together hand-in-hand. But like all other exes I had, I know we will come into terms again one day but w/ indifference.

 

"Life: is a tragedy for those who feel. A comedy for those who think".

Edited by WYSWYG
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StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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Sam, hate to break it to you, but she didn't get a new boyfriend fast. She was already seeing him WEEKS or MONTHS before she dumped you. She simply went public with it after you got dumped because she didn't care if she hurt you anymore.

 

It amazes me how many posts on LS are posted asking "how could she move on so fast?" or "what an evil man for dating that girl days after leaving me!". They have been seeing that "new" guy or girl for weeks or months. Maybe not always in the flesh, but definitely via email, text or whatever social network tickles your fancy.

 

That's just my take on it.

 

Oh I know this already, I talked about it in my original post. She did the same thing to her ex with me, we talked secretly for awhile and then she dumped him and got with me. I always knew she was going to do it to me.

 

Red flag I should have payed attentionto in 2006, but that's life, you live you learn.

StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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The hardest part now is me wanting to break NC just to let her know what a piece of **** she is.

StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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I think I need to stop coming to this site now, because now I'm even more angry than I was earlier. Continuing to read how she ****ed me over is getting old.

Lacey. Member

Lacey.

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..........

Edited by Lacey.
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StGeorge22 Established Member

StGeorge22

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Sam it's sounds like we are very similar position. I really feel like breaking nc after finding out a few lies. I'm hoping it passes

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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What good will it do to tell them that they are a piece of crap? Don't you think they know they lied to you? Yea...the whole..."I want you to know that I know" thing. It doesn't really matter, does it? Your eventual indifference to them will make them feel the results of their actions.

Let them sit in it. Don't let them bring you under. Only you can do that. Never give that power to someone else.

Oh and other poster....never be afraid of the anger. It's actually a brighter place than the sad phase. And you won't be angry forever. That too...shall pass.

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StubbornSam Member

StubbornSam

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What really pisses me off is how happy she is now while it's continuing to take months and month for me to heal. I want to believe in karma but if she could potentially be with her future boyfriend for god knows how long, doubt I'll ever get to see her crash.

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Highlight888 Member

Highlight888

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That's the thing.... We rarely get to see their day come to them but it comes. Maybe in another form and not with a partner. I lived that with an ex ex ex..... He is miserable now, hates his life and goes to bed every night at 7:30. Over us being apart? No way....but he's just an unhappy unfulfilled person now.

Your girl......she will get her day. Just do you right now.

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WYSWYG Established Member

WYSWYG

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What really pisses me off is how happy she is now while it's continuing to take months and month for me to heal. I want to believe in karma but if she could potentially be with her future boyfriend for god knows how long, doubt I'll ever get to see her crash.

 

Well Sam, it takes months to heal - this we have to face or already know. Trust me, she will suffer sooner or later. Whether you'll see it or not, no one is exempt to that rule. But by then, you may well be over the BU already and on to new horizons.

 

But I feel your sentiments. Naturally, we all have a sense of possession or entitlement w/ the SO - an emotional investment that comes w/ a price.

 

I think it really requires a higher sense of awareness to let go. I believe in karma and that some things in life are better left to faith. For me, faith is like an anchor that keeps me from drifting.

 

I always wanna see that cup half-full...

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