Author KevinC Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) Well guys alot has happened since last time i posted so this might be a long one. As you know then last convo me and my ex had didnt end well. It was very cold and ended by her pretty much ignoring me. So i decided to take this and turn it into finally letting go of her since she probably didnt want to talk to me again anyway. I decided yesterday that that was the day i was taking my life back and the first step was moving on from this woman. My best friend in life, who if she wasnt in my life i would probably be dead by now asked me to start writing stuff down a little everyday. So yesterday i started doing that and(big surprise) it ended up being about my ex. It was a fairly long text about how i was now ready to move on from her that i deserved better, how she treated me last time was rude and disrespectful, you get the jist. Feeling proud of myself and newly motivated i typed it up and sent it to her via text. I thought she probably woudnt even read it with her not giving the time of day anyway but i was wrong. She started replying almost immediately. She said i was absolutly right, she was so sorry, please forgive her. She said she had alot of stuff happening right now with her daughter being sick, starting her new job and her car breacking down again. Who cares right, so far i didnt. Its what she said next that threw me trough a loop. She said that she almost knocked at my door yesterday wich would have been wednesday. Now when we spoke on the phone monday she said that if she ever changed her mind about us she would not call or text, she would knock on my door. I was taken back by this but did not answer until later that night witch was yesterday. So faithful to myself i did another stupid thing and went to her place and knocked on her door. She was sleeping but invited me in anyway. We talked for about an hour. Went over the BU, our differences, said i love you's etc. She kept saying how good i look, how i still have the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, smiling at me sayin i looked sexy, cute. Ultimately tho she said nothing had changed. She wanted to knock on my door to say sorry for the way she had treated me the day before but decided not to. After an hour she said she was tired and that we could talk again another time since i had woken her up. So i put my boots and my coat on said bye and was halfway out the door when she grabbed my hand, pulled me to her and put her arms around me. She hugged me long and hard. After she let me go we were face to face and i kissed her and she kissed me back twice. So now im more confused than ever...what does she want? Why hug and kiss me? She always says nothing has changed but always kinda leaves the back door open and cant help but to try it every time. I pretty sure i know what you guys will say but im lost now. I even thought about you guys after leaving her place knowing you woudnt be proud of me. I even asked myself if i should post this, i think im ashamed of it but here it is none the less. Havent even had the courage to tell my friend yet. At this point i dont know what to do anymore, i obviously cant hold NC for very long anymore and she still doesnt know what she wants. Im in limbo. Edited March 21, 2014 by KevinC
legion113 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 (edited) Jesus Christ man....grow some balls already..you come up with the lamest excuses to keep contacting her. You aren't in limbo, you're still in hell, and you're the reason. What happened to your quote about not being sure if you even wanted her back anymore? I knew when you wrote it it was bull****..you'd take her back in a second if she knocked on your door right now. SHE has the upper hand again thanks to you. Sorry about being harsh..but this saga is getting old. Remember that movie Porky's where the guy keeps going back over and over again and getting his ass handed to him? You're that GUY. Edited March 21, 2014 by legion113 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Well guys alot has happened since last time i posted so this might be a long one. As you know then last convo me and my ex had didnt end well. It was very cold and ended by her pretty much ignoring me. So i decided to take this and turn it into finally letting go of her since she probably didnt want to talk to me again anyway. I decided yesterday that that was the day i was taking my life back and the first step was moving on from this woman. My best friend in life, who if she wasnt in my life i would probably be dead by now asked me to start writing stuff down a little everyday. So yesterday i started doing that and(big surprise) it ended up being about my ex. It was a fairly long text about how i was now ready to move on from her that i deserved better, how she treated me last time was rude and disrespectful, you get the jist. Feeling proud of myself and newly motivated i typed it up and sent it to her via text. I thought she probably woudnt even read it with her not giving the time of day anyway but i was wrong. She started replying almost immediately. She said i was absolutly right, she was so sorry, please forgive her. She said she had alot of stuff happening right now with her daughter being sick, starting her new job and her car breacking down again. Who cares right, so far i didnt. Its what she said next that threw me trough a loop. She said that she almost knocked at my door yesterday wich would have been wednesday. Now when we spoke on the phone monday she said that if she ever changed her mind about us she would not call or text, she would knock on my door. I was taken back by this but did not answer until later that night witch was yesterday. So faithful to myself i did another stupid thing and went to her place and knocked on her door. She was sleeping but invited me in anyway. We talked for about an hour. Went over the BU, our differences, said i love you's etc. She kept saying how good i look, how i still have the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, smiling at me sayin i looked sexy, cute. Ultimately tho she said nothing had changed. She wanted to knock on my door to say sorry for the way she had treated me the day before but decided not to. After an hour she said she was tired and that we could talk again another time since i had woken her up. So i put my boots and my coat on said bye and was halfway out the door when she grabbed my hand, pulled me to her and put her arms around me. She hugged me long and hard. After she let me go we were face to face and i kissed her and she kissed me back twice. So now im more confused than ever...what does she want? Why hug and kiss me? She always says nothing has changed but always kinda leaves the back door open and cant help but to try it every time. I pretty sure i know what you guys will say but im lost now. I even thought about you guys after leaving her place knowing you woudnt be proud of me. I even asked myself if i should post this, i think im ashamed of it but here it is none the less. Havent even had the courage to tell my friend yet. At this point i dont know what to do anymore, i obviously cant hold NC for very long anymore and she still doesnt know what she wants. Im in limbo. Cringeworthy. ..... Sending that text was just an awful idea. Everything else that followed was pretty bad. Showing up at her door?!?!?!? Emotional tampon currently to a girl who was already not 100 percent sure of her decision. NOTHING HAS CHANGED Point blank just bad ball.
Author KevinC Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Jesus Christ man....grow some balls already..you come up with the lamest excuses to keep contacting her. You aren't in limbo, you're still in hell, and you're the reason. What happened to your quote about not being sure if you even wanted her back anymore? I knew when you wrote it it was bull****..you'd take her back in a second if she knocked on your door right now. SHE has the upper hand again thanks to you. Sorry about being harsh..but this saga is getting old. Remember that movie Porky's where the guy keeps going back over and over again and getting his ass handed to him? You're that GUY. I know, thing is even if we did get back together i know it woudnt last, i know this, you are totally right, its totally irrational. What started as a broken heart turned into depression. Im at the bottom of the barrel now, i regret posting that update...sorry you are right this is getting old and pathetic i dont think i will post anymore.
Haydn Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 It is better to vent here and share your mistakes as you see them. Others can learn from `our` mistakes. (I really know how you feel, it will pass) I know, thing is even if we did get back together i know it woudnt last, i know this, you are totally right, its totally irrational. What started as a broken heart turned into depression. Im at the bottom of the barrel now, i regret posting that update...sorry you are right this is getting old and pathetic i dont think i will post anymore.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Dude, you've got to start being a bit pro-active in your recovery. You act like you have no self control. You do. Start acting like it. You've been given so much good advice and you just sh*t on it. I find it a little discourteous.
BC1980 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 You'll keep doing enough sh@t like this until you get it. It's an endless cycle. These so called confused people don't change.
legion113 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I know, thing is even if we did get back together i know it woudnt last, i know this, you are totally right, its totally irrational. What started as a broken heart turned into depression. Im at the bottom of the barrel now, i regret posting that update...sorry you are right this is getting old and pathetic i dont think i will post anymore. Look Kevin, I went thru the same thing you did just before thanksgiving, I did the last text crap as well, finally went no contact after 2 weeks. Went out, dated people, went to parties, hung out with new friends. It was the NO contact which helped the most. I don't think you are there yet, where you can REALLY be nonchalant about everything. I read tons about what went wrong, and yeah it was my fault for throwing her out of my house (well, it was temporary but I thought I knew what I was doing back then). Without me in her sights however, she stopped having something to be pissed off at, her anger subsided, then the realization that I wasn't around anymore set in for her. 3 months later, the day after valentine, she texted me wanting to talk about us, that she wanted to get back together. I sat there for awhile while she continued to blast me for a bit, then she just grabbed my face and kissed me. She had missed me you see. I didn't keep jumping back in her life and making an ass or sap out of myself. Part of it was it was a breakup based on emotion, not nonchalance or lack of love, but boy, the things she said, I thought we'd never talk again, let alone get back together. Now we are, after three ****ty horrendous months, and it's been great. I realized what I had almost lost, and she had to. Keep going on this board, it's better than doing it yourself, and people here are more objective than you can be. Yeah you might get blasted, but that's the way it is, we're frustrated, we don't want to see you making mistakes and hurting yourself some more. That's all, it's because we DO care about you and that you get thru this ok. Like I've said before, Ive been following you for some time, watching you make mistakes, trying to make yourself better, making more mistakes. I'm rooting for you dude, I really am. My advice for now, break contact, she knows she has to knock on your door now. Let her do it. In the meantime, go hang out with friends, meet new women. 1
legion113 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I know, thing is even if we did get back together i know it wouldn't last, i know this, you are totally right, its totally irrational. What started as a broken heart turned into depression. Im at the bottom of the barrel now, i regret posting that update...sorry you are right this is getting old and pathetic i dont think i will post anymore. If you got back together with you in this state, you're right, it wouldn't work out, it wouldn't last..you'd be so busy kissing her ass she would lose all respect for you. Work on yourself, learn to become independent of her, and then if you want, go back to her.
Author KevinC Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Thanks legion and others as always you are wise in you advice and even if it doesnt show thru my actions i greatly value and respect it. 1
legion113 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Hang in there Kevin, I have faith in you, even if you don't. 1
BC1980 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Right now, you can't see the forest for the trees. You can't see the bigger picture. I know NC is not the answer you want because I didn't want to hear it either. I actually kept in contact with my ex for 4 months in a pathetic attempt to get him back. It's not worth it. NC is the only way to really heal.
Itspointless Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I know, thing is even if we did get back together i know it woudnt last, i know this, you are totally right, its totally irrational. What started as a broken heart turned into depression. Im at the bottom of the barrel now, i regret posting that update...sorry you are right this is getting old and pathetic i dont think i will post anymore. You are addicted to dopamine and other feel good chemicals. There is nothing rational about those. But, you got your answers. A could be or if is not something you can wait for as you are worth more than that.
lolablue17 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) I have an advise! Until now you were in a very low position (because of the a. wanting her. b. your EGO). in addition, You said you know your self it wouldnt last between you two. So now, when your ego is better (she grabbed and kissed you) I suggest you will "breakup" with her. You got some of your ego back and it worth a lot, take it as a leverage to walk away and move on, now when you're stronger. If you think you cant maintain NC, make one last phone call and tell her that she was right all the time, that now you understand that despite the attraction between you two, It can never last. you know it, she knows it, and you say FINAL goodbye. (Because YOU want it) and ask her NEVER TO KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR! I know it sounds theatrical, but some time you need theatrical tributes in order to make changes in your consciousness. When you're the one who says goodbye, you might feel a lot better. That moment is a great opportunity for you. Take it! Edited March 22, 2014 by lolablue17
organizedchaos Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 ^ No. Don't do this OP. just move on and never contact her again. All this back and forth drama keeps her on your mind. Just leave her be and don't do the above. Let her go.
Author KevinC Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 I dont think i will contact her anymore if i can help it. I think the way it ended with her grabbing me is good for me as i dont feel like a total sap so i will leave it as is. 1
KaliLove Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I dont think i will contact her anymore if i can help it. I think the way it ended with her grabbing me is good for me as i dont feel like a total sap so i will leave it as is. You can help it. Just don't contact her..and that takes care of the not contacting her anymore part. Willpower. You have it. Use it.
lolablue17 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I dont think i will contact her anymore if i can help it. I think the way it ended with her grabbing me is good for me as i dont feel like a total sap so i will leave it as is. Great!! You should be proud of your self. by using your instincts you managed to shift youself from a "total sap" (as you called it) to a position where you have some control of your life and your actions and still feeling Ok about it! I really think its a great achievement!!
Author KevinC Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Great!! You should be proud of your self. by using your instincts you managed to shift youself from a "total sap" (as you called it) to a position where you have some control of your life and your actions and still feeling Ok about it! I really think its a great achievement!! I dont know about all this, doesnt feel like a great achievement to me. All this has done is make me want even more to get physical with her. I know she wants to be physical with me(have sex) she has told when we broke up and last monday when we spoke on the phone, she was also dropping hints when i went to her place a couple days ago. So far havent acted on it and havent talked to her since last i saw her. Its damn hard tho she is so sexy and we both agree that together we have had the best sex of our lives. Havent talked about this much on here so far but this is one aspect of my ex that i have been thinking alot about lately, sex. Im worried that i might not find this sexual chemistry with another girl again.
legion113 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ummm, for some women sex is a way to bond emotionally with a man, which would be to your advantage, I hate to say it, but I say DO IT!!! I dont know about all this, doesnt feel like a great achievement to me. All this has done is make me want even more to get physical with her. I know she wants to be physical with me(have sex) she has told when we broke up and last monday when we spoke on the phone, she was also dropping hints when i went to her place a couple days ago. So far havent acted on it and havent talked to her since last i saw her. Its damn hard tho she is so sexy and we both agree that together we have had the best sex of our lives. Havent talked about this much on here so far but this is one aspect of my ex that i have been thinking alot about lately, sex. Im worried that i might not find this sexual chemistry with another girl again.
Author KevinC Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Hummm surprised to see you say that. Seriously?
legion113 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Hummm surprised to see you say that. Seriously? I'm absolutely serious...it's the best way to see if there is still a future between you guys. If there is love still there, passion..you'll know. If there isn't, it'll feel like you're just going thru the motions. You'll know, she'll know, once and for all.
Itspointless Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I dont know about all this, doesnt feel like a great achievement to me. All this has done is make me want even more to get physical with her. I know she wants to be physical with me(have sex) she has told when we broke up and last monday when we spoke on the phone, she was also dropping hints when i went to her place a couple days ago. So far havent acted on it and havent talked to her since last i saw her. Its damn hard tho she is so sexy and we both agree that together we have had the best sex of our lives. Havent talked about this much on here so far but this is one aspect of my ex that i have been thinking alot about lately, sex. Im worried that i might not find this sexual chemistry with another girl again. Bad idea, don't do it.
TaraMaiden Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Jeezus kerrist, NO!! All this will do is make you desperate to rekindle and re-capture the relationship you had - and it will merely transform you into her FWB. God, no. Not until you can get off the bed, and think - "Damn, I'm missing the football match on TV...." 2
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