The Studmuffin Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 So, let me ask you something. So I can reflect on what's happening within me... When you're into something, let's say a relationship with a person you like. You've been dating for a few months and it's time to decide on whether to go on and get deeper. You think long and hard. After you finally decide that you want to continue, you get a gut feeling that tells it's not the right thing to do. It's just a feeling, but a feeling you can't shake. Tell me, what's that feeling like? It doesn't have to be a relationship, it can be choosing to take on a job, a task, whether to go on a long trip. But something that's big enough for you to have to think long and hard, and then make a decision. And listen to your gut feeling. What's the gut feeling like?
iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 So, let me ask you something. So I can reflect on what's happening within me... When you're into something, let's say a relationship with a person you like. You've been dating for a few months and it's time to decide on whether to go on and get deeper. You think long and hard. After you finally decide that you want to continue, you get a gut feeling that tells it's not the right thing to do. It's just a feeling, but a feeling you can't shake. Tell me, what's that feeling like? It doesn't have to be a relationship, it can be choosing to take on a job, a task, whether to go on a long trip. But something that's big enough for you to have to think long and hard, and then make a decision. And listen to your gut feeling. What's the gut feeling like? I'll give you my experience. While I dating my ex GF of two years I was excited and into the RS. After a year I began to think to myself of whether I wanted to end things and continue establishing myself, or go forward and grow with her. I chose to man things out because in all honesty she was the best thing to ever happen to me. With that said, I had this voice in the back of my head telling me that it wasn't right. Something didn't FEEL right.
Author The Studmuffin Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 I'll give you my experience. While I dating my ex GF of two years I was excited and into the RS. After a year I began to think to myself of whether I wanted to end things and continue establishing myself, or go forward and grow with her. I chose to man things out because in all honesty she was the best thing to ever happen to me. With that said, I had this voice in the back of my head telling me that it wasn't right. Something didn't FEEL right. Something didn't feel right about continuing to see her? But you continued anyway... and what happened then?
Gaeta Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Once I made the decision if I feel at peace with myself it's because I've made the right decision. Also, not making a decision IS a decision. If I cannot make up my mind about something I just let the situation develop further on its own till the solution is clear.
iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Something didn't feel right about continuing to see her? But you continued anyway... and what happened then? Yeah I continued along with it. Part of the reason is I couldn't bring myself to hurt her with a BU. But the main reason why I continued was because I felt that things would change in terms of new opportunities would come out way and would jumpstart the relationship again. My theory was that where we were almost didn't even matter, it was where we were going to be. Well things gradually went down hill. I lost interest so my romantic side of me didn't show. A mistake on my part. She ended up breaking up with me because of that aspect I believe. So I should've gone with my gut when I had these second thoughts. I still care for her though
Phantom888 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 So, let me ask you something. So I can reflect on what's happening within me... When you're into something, let's say a relationship with a person you like. You've been dating for a few months and it's time to decide on whether to go on and get deeper. You think long and hard. After you finally decide that you want to continue, you get a gut feeling that tells it's not the right thing to do. It's just a feeling, but a feeling you can't shake. Tell me, what's that feeling like? It doesn't have to be a relationship, it can be choosing to take on a job, a task, whether to go on a long trip. But something that's big enough for you to have to think long and hard, and then make a decision. And listen to your gut feeling. What's the gut feeling like? If you have to think long and hard, then it's NOT right for you. If you are really into a woman, you would not have to even think about it.
pteromom Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Once I made the decision if I feel at peace with myself it's because I've made the right decision. This. And if you haven't made the right decision, you can feel sick to your stomach, highly anxious, like you need to talk yourself into it, like you are selling yourself out. But the main reason why I continued was because I felt that things would change in terms of new opportunities would come out way and would jumpstart the relationship again. ...and there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you aren't just sitting on your butt waiting for change, but actively working toward it - and your partner has to be doing the same.
Author The Studmuffin Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 This. And if you haven't made the right decision, you can feel sick to your stomach, highly anxious, like you need to talk yourself into it, like you are selling yourself out. That is exactly what I've experienced. But it was so extreme that I wanted to check if somebody else had felt it. If it was normal. There's a big difference between that and "something didn't feel right"...
Author The Studmuffin Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 If you have to think long and hard, then it's NOT right for you. If you are really into a woman, you would not have to even think about it. If you have relationship issues, you do. And then it's good to get feedback. From (hopefully) normal relationship-healthy people. Because you need to disect what you're feeling and realise what's normal and what's "issues".
BC1980 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I wouldn't go forward with it. Cut it off before both of you invest anymore. Don't be like my ex who waited 3 years after we had moved in together, and his child had grown attached to me. My ex told me that he had the same "gut feeling" at different points during our relationship, but he never told me. He said he thought the feelings would go away if he ignored them. They would go away for a time but come back again. I had no clue he felt like that during the relationship. I wish I had because I might have made some different decisions along the way, and the outcome might not have been as awful for all parties involved.
J21 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Gut feelings are usually correct. It's like some kinda intuition, we don't get them for no reason.
Author The Studmuffin Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Thing is I used to have a pretty bad relationship phobia. Would get severe anxiety and not be able to function. And those "feelings" came up from inside. So I'm wary of that kind of thing now, just looking to see what's natural and what has origin in some kind of old emotional pain. So I wanted to get some feedback from other people on what it felt like. Like is it just a vague "doesn't feel right" or a paralysing feeling that makes you sick to your stomach?
BC1980 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Thing is I used to have a pretty bad relationship phobia. Would get severe anxiety and not be able to function. And those "feelings" came up from inside. So I'm wary of that kind of thing now, just looking to see what's natural and what has origin in some kind of old emotional pain. So I wanted to get some feedback from other people on what it felt like. Like is it just a vague "doesn't feel right" or a paralysing feeling that makes you sick to your stomach? I would think it would be some sort of sick or anxious feeling in your stomach or maybe chest. If this has happened before, you need to figure out if it's your or related to particular people. I've never had that level of anxiety about taking a relationship to another level. It was always pretty clear cut to me if it needed to go further or not, and it didn't cause problems for me. It might be something deeper for you if this is a pattern.
ponchsox Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 The gut feeling is telling you something is not right but you choose to ignore it and go with your heart. 9/10 your gut instinct was right and the relationship will end badly.
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