88888888 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 I need some advice. I've been with my girlfriend for fifteen great months now. We clicked instantly, have a great time together, and share similar likes and dislikes. What more can you ask for? But something has got me thinking before I am ready for the next step which I want. She was in a relationship prior to me for four years and after the break-up she had this filler that she went out with quite a bit. And then we met and have been together ever since. She still is in contact with this "filler" or who she calls a friend. He calls late at night (11:30 PM) just to say,"hi." about once a week, IM's her all the time, and constant e-mails. Heck, my best friends don't even call that late. She says they are friends and that I should trust her. I mean she doesn't go out with the guy except for dinner this past Christmas but she has admitted that she would be out with the guy as "friends" if I wasn't around. She has admitted to me that he likes her but she has no feelings for him whatsoever only that he takes of care of her. She has never slept with him (from what she told me). I've talked to her about how uncomfortable I am with him contacting her all the time even though he knows that I am her boyfriend. But she always brings up the trust issue. Should I put my feet down more? or am I thinking too much into the situation? should I let her go out with him if she asks? Thanks for reading
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Hey 8 +. Well, be honest with her and tell her how it makes you feel...Don't accuse her of anything but just say it makes you feel really uncomfortable how close they seem to be. Does she hide his emails/IM's from you? Does she act strange sometimes? I don't know if she is still emotionally attached to him or not. Male friends are nice, but once in a relationship the SO has to be included abit more in those otherwise alot of ?? happen. He was a between guy and honestly I would say you have every right to feel abit nervous. If he was a long time friend I would not be worrying. Good luck and keep posting!
KissMyTiara Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 She used this guy as her crutch when she was devastated and lonely from the prior breakup. Sounds to me like she is still holding onto him because she is scared of letting him go for fear that she will need him again (you'll break up with her). She's focusing on trust because she doesn't trust that your relationship will survive. She wants and needs to know that there will always be someone there for her, a guy, who cares about her and wants to be with her, regardless of whether or not those feelings are returned. I know this sounds strange, but trust me on this one. I've been there. I think you should just let it go. It's going to take her time to know that you are really going to be there, you aren't going anywhere, that your relationship is permanent, and that she doesn't need to hold on to a guy who's only purpose is as a potential-male-companion-replacement. Just know that is all he is, really. He's just her bungee cord - but she's out on the ledge with someone else: you.
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