johnson_j Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 How come? I don't understand your post. Because you've recovered, moved on, and now you're in control. And you came out on the other side in a much better position for yourself
Author Maverick89 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 It sure has been a bumpy ride, and I know for a fact that maybe I'm not in control as I appear to be internally, just fake it till you make it I guess. Even though we feel that we're going to die of heartache, we survivors come out to be better people. I had to learn the hard way that I was in a very big committed relationship at a very young age, and even though we like to think about never-ending love, we live in a time and society that surely teaches us that it's very hard to live our whole lives like that. I have a lot of friends that are marrying their girlfriends at 24-25 years old... Sure, they're so in love right now, but they haven't lived a lot of things you should be living at that age, not to mention you don't know how you're going to feel in 5 or 10 years about said person... Ever wondered how come we get so many divorces in our time and age? People get married very young, hoping to not divorce later on, and you find that, is the biggest risk to take... people grow into different people, and sometimes when you get married that young, you grow apart. So its a very complicated and delicate matter. Learn to take the good things that might come with said breakup, and later down the road you're going to feel better. If it's meant to be, you're gonna get it, even if you try to avoid it. If it's not meant to be then, it's not gonna happen, even if you thrive and search for it. 1
Author Maverick89 Posted November 11, 2014 Author Posted November 11, 2014 (edited) Maybe I came here to vent because it makes me mad the fact that she thinks she can send me an email like that, like nothing happened? so we can be buddies again? How can you tell somebody they're going to be the love of your life and that you will never meet somebody as noble as authentic as them? and not do anything about it? The logic behind this eludes me, I'm not that type of person it seems. I was (am?) the type of guy that would've done anything for the love of my life, and to accept that this someone is the love of my life, I would do anything to be with them, so frankly I think it's all bull****. I won't accept the possibility that this girl could be the love of my life. If she is, frankly all of this doesn't matter and life is just plain bull****... It isn't fair, and honestly I think she's just plain stupid to tell me I always was and always will be the love of her life and not do anything about it. Edited November 11, 2014 by Maverick89
johnson_j Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 She's could be just trying to make you feel better about the way things ended by pumping up your ego and tonight she'll go have sex with some other guy. I don't believe in love anymore. How could I, after the way this past year has been.
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Tell her to f off already. That will end the emails.
dclan Posted November 11, 2014 Posted November 11, 2014 Is it just me? Because my opinion is that maybe she is trying to get back with you, or reach out... I also wanted you to know that you always were and always will be my true great love. I think I now understand when people say that you never forget your first one hahaha I don't think I'll ever see a man the way I looked at you. I mean, I read your story. Long distance....bleh....those always end badly. Even if you love each other the odds of making it work are very low, specially if you are young, in your 20's. On the subject, if you are over her, then just ignore it. But I suppose that in the back of your head, you are posting here because, well, you are not completly over her right? Obviously she might be reaching out because her rebound dumped her, or whatever, but, at least to me it sounds like she is trying to reach out. If not, that whole paragraph I quoted could have been ignored. Not sure if you guys are still going to be living in different cities or not. But to me that sounds like reaching out. Its obvious that most dumpers won't tell you straightfowards:"OMG I MISS YOU COME BACK". They usually start by talking about how great the relationship with was, and so on, turning the whole conversation in that direction. After all, they might think you've move on, so they are testing waters. No dumper that ever tries to come back, goes for the straightfoward I miss you. Mostly because after NC they think that you've move on. Anyways....good luck! 1
Author Maverick89 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 Is it just me? Because my opinion is that maybe she is trying to get back with you, or reach out... I also wanted you to know that you always were and always will be my true great love. I think I now understand when people say that you never forget your first one hahaha I don't think I'll ever see a man the way I looked at you. I mean, I read your story. Long distance....bleh....those always end badly. Even if you love each other the odds of making it work are very low, specially if you are young, in your 20's. On the subject, if you are over her, then just ignore it. But I suppose that in the back of your head, you are posting here because, well, you are not completly over her right? Obviously she might be reaching out because her rebound dumped her, or whatever, but, at least to me it sounds like she is trying to reach out. If not, that whole paragraph I quoted could have been ignored. Not sure if you guys are still going to be living in different cities or not. But to me that sounds like reaching out. Its obvious that most dumpers won't tell you straightfowards:"OMG I MISS YOU COME BACK". They usually start by talking about how great the relationship with was, and so on, turning the whole conversation in that direction. After all, they might think you've move on, so they are testing waters. No dumper that ever tries to come back, goes for the straightfoward I miss you. Mostly because after NC they think that you've move on. Anyways....good luck! Thank you dclan... If I know her (Which I no longer think I do, a whole year has passed and I don't know where's her head) I also thought she could've been reaching out... she made mistakes yes, she ****ed me over, yes... but I don't think of her as a bad person... so I wouldn't think that she wrote that email to 'just be friends' Now the question is what do I want to do. It's true that I'm not completely over her, but I'm afraid I don't know if it's about just pure ego or if I want her back for real. I mean, our story was great, I thought she was the love of my life, we had big plans, we were friends for so many years, 5 years RS without breaking up or any big fights and 6 months long distance which was horrible for obvious reasons. Anyways, I thought... I'm no longer sure she's the love of my life... maybe I just got a chance to 'fix' or 'get things cleared' and maybe finally move on with my life. I know the complications of getting back together with an ex means, I know that long distance is no longer viable... I don't know, maybe we needed this 'trauma' in our lives because we had such a serious relationship at such a early age. I'll keep you posted about what happens, the email itself if you read it paragraph by paragraph, it says something different in each one. In a paragraph you're happy for me and wish me luck, then I'm the love of your life, then good luck in Spain, then I'm not gonna meet someone as noble and authentic as you... sadly I don't have additional information to take conclusions.
dclan Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 (edited) Thank you dclan... If I know her (Which I no longer think I do, a whole year has passed and I don't know where's her head) I also thought she could've been reaching out... she made mistakes yes, she ****ed me over, yes... but I don't think of her as a bad person... so I wouldn't think that she wrote that email to 'just be friends' Now the question is what do I want to do. It's true that I'm not completely over her, but I'm afraid I don't know if it's about just pure ego or if I want her back for real. I mean, our story was great, I thought she was the love of my life, we had big plans, we were friends for so many years, 5 years RS without breaking up or any big fights and 6 months long distance which was horrible for obvious reasons. Anyways, I thought... I'm no longer sure she's the love of my life... maybe I just got a chance to 'fix' or 'get things cleared' and maybe finally move on with my life. I know the complications of getting back together with an ex means, I know that long distance is no longer viable... I don't know, maybe we needed this 'trauma' in our lives because we had such a serious relationship at such a early age. I'll keep you posted about what happens, the email itself if you read it paragraph by paragraph, it says something different in each one. In a paragraph you're happy for me and wish me luck, then I'm the love of your life, then good luck in Spain, then I'm not gonna meet someone as noble and authentic as you... sadly I don't have additional information to take conclusions. I suppose its a bit of ego, a bit of nostalgia, and a bit of feelings... I mean, you did love her in the past. You may not be "in love" with her anymore, but we always feel something. Its also ego, because, admit it, the moment your ex sent the e-mail and you ignored her, you felt like a proud lion thinking:"-serves you well....you whore! Its I who is NOW ignoring you!"- :laugh: And obviously nostalgia, you did had a relationship you enjoy with her. Now like you said, long distance isn't a viable option....thats a relationship killer right there. I don't really know all the details of your break up. But trust me...every relationship I've known from friends, acquaintances, etc, they all end in disaster. To me it honestly seems like she is trying to reach out. I suppose that you can explore this option, yet know that you might end up hurt again. So be carefull. There is a chance she is just being friendly, but I doubt it. If they wanted to be friendly they wouldn't put so much "effort" into the e-mail. Thats just my opinion. Edited November 12, 2014 by dclan 1
Author Maverick89 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 I suppose its a bit of ego, a bit of nostalgia, and a bit of feelings... I mean, you did love her in the past. You may not be "in love" with her anymore, but we always feel something. Its also ego, because, admit it, the moment your ex sent the e-mail and you ignored her, you felt like a proud lion thinking:"-serves you well....you whore! Its I who is NOW ignoring you!"- :laugh: And obviously nostalgia, you did had a relationship you enjoy with her. Now like you said, long distance isn't a viable option....thats a relationship killer right there. I don't really know all the details of your break up. But trust me...every relationship I've known from friends, acquaintances, etc, they all end in disaster. To me it honestly seems like she is trying to reach out. I suppose that you can explore this option, yet know that you might end up hurt again. So be carefull. There is a chance she is just being friendly, but I doubt it. If they wanted to be friendly they wouldn't put so much "effort" into the e-mail. Thats just my opinion. Thanks bro. Gonna have to text her next monday because it's her birthday... I have to send her at least a text wishing her a Happy Birthday since she texted on mine, so I'll just do the polite thing. Gonna give her the opportunity to explain the email or whatever. I'm planning on texting her after work hours to let her suffer a bit :laugh: I'm doing this without any expectations whatsoever, just gonna try and get a little more information... if it ends up that she just wants to be friends then I'll just seize the opportunity to move on for good from all of this situation and say goodbye, I don't believe you can stay friends with an ex after sharing so much feelings. If she's reaching out then I'll have to know the reasons of it, why now, why that way, what is she thinking and how she really expect she could fix this. Anyways, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for all of your opinions :
johnson_j Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Mav, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Just because she texted you doesn't mean you have to do it back to her. I'd stay NC. If she wants to explain her email, you can bet she will be in touch to do so.
dclan Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Mav, I'm not sure that's a good idea. Just because she texted you doesn't mean you have to do it back to her. I'd stay NC. If she wants to explain her email, you can bet she will be in touch to do so. And why would she do that? I mean she sents an e-mail...lets say he doesn't reply. If I was her, I would think that he didn't reply cause he's moved on, or that he is just not interested in being in contact with her- Like I said before, if the dumper wants you back, they won't come back begging, telling you they love you, that they miss you, etc. What they'll do is sent a half ass e-mail or text with some implications of them missing you, like his ex did. I do agree that it may not be a good idea: This is an opportunity. Just that. It may end up hurting him again. She may only want to be friends, she might not be interested. So yeah op needs to be carefull, and if he breaks NC, he should know there is a big chance that he might get hurt again. Yet, like I said before, its an opportunity none the less. 1
SoThatHappened Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 Gonna have to text her next monday because it's her birthday... I have to send her at least a text wishing her a Happy Birthday since she texted on mine, #handslap No. No texting this girl, no emailing, no Facebooking, no nothing. Let me remind you what happened a year ago: She cheated on you. She ended the relationship by deciding to go behind your back and be with someone else. All her contact in the past year has been for 2 reasons: - Guilt - Keeping you on the back-burner just in case other guys don't work out Picture how great you were together and how she just threw that away within 2 weeks of meeting her coworker. This girl gave up the right to have anything to do with your life. Cut her off completely. Even if you did get back together, it would be long distance again (I'm assuming). Remember how well it worked out last time when you two were long-distance? Move on with your life and good luck with the program. 3
idoltree Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 I think that there is definite testing of the waters. Here's what did it for me: PD: I don't expect an answer btw, it's just that, after all, I like to express my feelings and thoughts to the people I care about, because we don't know if we're gonna be here the next day... She shared her rationalization for contacting you? Why is that? The truly carefree are carefree and don't worry what others think of their intentions. They don't explain themselves and what they do or don't expect, because they're carefree. She is trying to appear carefree, generous and free-spirited but the above means she's not doing a great job of it. This is a "the lady doth protest too much", because there was zero reason for her to include that. Frankly, she WAS worried about not getting a response from you. However, I wish you hadn't replied to her so quickly because after some time thinking about her message you got (justifiably) angry. So your quick easy breezy response was not an authentic one. I'm just saying that moving on with our life now means that you're in control if she contacts you; you can take all the time you need to figure out how it makes you feel and decide what to do from there. I see you plan to text her for her birthday, and you probably won't be dissuaded. There is risk to doing it and risk to not doing it. For example, if one dumps the "love of her life", why not make the impact of that choice glaringly clear on her birthday, a day he otherwise would have been lavishing love, attention and affection on her? But I understand also that not texting her may make you feel uncomfortable. I have a feeling that we should all stay tuned on this one. 1
Author Maverick89 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 (edited) Thank you, everybody, for taking the time to read my 'story' (if it can be called a story). Just want to make something clear. I'm going to text her, casually, after work hours (no jumping at midnight to text her) and send her a 'hey, happy birthday' text. Not gonna be lovable, not gonna flirt, not gonna try and sound like 'Hey! We're buddies now!'... Just plain and simple polite message, after all, she texted on mine... I'm just being polite. After being almost a year on therapy I learned something, and that is that we can't change who we truly are, and if I'm the charming-polite-nice guy that I am, I can't change that, and my personality dictates 'send her a casual birthday message', so I'm gonna go thru with that. So there are two possibilities of how this can turn out, but both give me the chance to move on, since I have the power now. I'm gonna make myself present and give her a chance to further explain that email, as to why she did it and where her head is truly at. So, here are the two outcomes, bear in mind that both end in the same way: 1. She texted me because she felt guilty, she felt alone because the thing with the other dude, or another dude or whatever, ended badly and she felt sad. She just wants to be friends because we have such great memories together and she doesn't see herself coming back to me. I politely tell her to **** off, explain why I just can't be only friends with her, not gonna be mad, I will truly be calm and I will not put myself in a feely-touchy situation, and say goodbye. This outcome makes me move on entirely because I will think of her so low, specially the fact that she considers me the love of her life and just wants to stay friends. I got my 'apology', I got her validation that I'm truly a great guy and at some point she feels guilty because she knows she made a huge mistake by dumping me. 2. She texted me because she's trying to reach out, and at some point be together (taking into consideration all of the complications this may cause). The things she was searching for in other guys she didn't find, so she concludes that I'm the only one for her, and even if she made a mistake she is willing to fix it, or some bullcrap of those sorts. This situation makes me move on entirely because I FREAKING WON, I was the greatest thing that happened to her and she dumped me, and if this happens well... I longed for this to happen for so long and so hard. Now the thing is, I don't know what to do... Do I take her back, am I willing to take all of the complications that come with this, it also depends on how badly she wants to fix it and her behavior in all of this. Do I tell her 'thanks, but no thanks'? That remains to be seen... The thing is, I don't consider her a bad person, I don't know how much she could've changed this past year, but I knew this person like the back of my hand, and she's not the kind of person to write that type of email and truly not expect an answer, or not mean what she wrote. Now if I knew her, she is trying to reach out, and since she knows me (when I have a bad temper and I'm mad... I become an ogre ) she's taking little steps and knows that she can't play with my feelings like out of the blue coming and telling me PLEASE TAKE ME BACK OMG I DID A HORRIBLE MISTAKE. But I'm no longer sure of her, and I have little to no information as to why she wrote that email, so I have to be extremely careful. Thank you guys for being preoccupied about me not being hurt again, it's amazing how you can feel close to someone you have only read on a forum and sharing feelings and such. I will keep you posted, and I promise you I will be careful and not putting myself on the line . Edited November 13, 2014 by Maverick89
SoThatHappened Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 TJust want to make something clear. I'm going to text her, casually, after work hours (no jumping at midnight to text her) and send her a 'hey, happy birthday' text. Don't ignore good advice. Texting her would be downright stupid. Whatever personality trait you think you have, you're an idiot if you text her. Go ahead and dig that grave, though.
Author Maverick89 Posted November 13, 2014 Author Posted November 13, 2014 Don't ignore good advice. Texting her would be downright stupid. Whatever personality trait you think you have, you're an idiot if you text her. Go ahead and dig that grave, though. Thanks for reading, but no thanks for the insult. I think you don't understand or maybe misinterpret my messages, but that's ok, thanks anyways.
johnson_j Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Thanks for reading, but no thanks for the insult. I think you don't understand or maybe misinterpret my messages, but that's ok, thanks anyways. Don't shoot the messenger, listen to the message. You want to think you're a knight in shining armor, being "polite" by texting her happy birthday because she did so. Would you be texting her this if she hadn't do the same to you? Ask yourself that. Second, there is nothing wrong with being polite by not saying anything. You might be the love of her life, but she stupidly chose him. So where does that leave you? To be the one to wish her happy birthday, after she spent time with him OVER you, and now he is tired of her games and nonsense and moved on. So what if you WIN her back, have you really won anything but a girl back who doesn't have enough respect for you to resist the urges of another man? How is that winning, that' being called "second best". I get the whole wanting to be polite thing because that's how I am. Yet the best thing for us types is to not be an option, or a doormat, or "polite" in this circumstance. Let me add this, you sending her a "HB" message just shows her you're out waiting in the wings for her, either as a friend, or possibly more, and nothing kills a girls' interest like knowing a guy is sitting around waiting on them. TRUST ME, and the other millions, one missed birthday message won't matter an iota in the future if she wants to be with you. Good luck with whatever you choose. 1
SoThatHappened Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Thanks for reading, but no thanks for the insult. I think you don't understand or maybe misinterpret my messages, but that's ok, thanks anyways. I apologize if you felt insulted. I wasn't calling you an idiot right now. I said you would be one if you sent her a message. Just a little tough love from my end, and I apologize. Just don't send the message, man. Absolutely nothing good will come from it. Trust us.
Magnet Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 we can't change who we truly are, and if I'm the charming-polite-nice guy that I am, I can't change that, and my personality dictates 'send her a casual birthday message', so I'm gonna go thru with that. You are charming-polite-nice because you want to do the 'right thing' by other people. What is the 'right thing' to do by yourself? I got my 'apology', I got her validation that I'm truly a great guy No, no, no.... NO ONE validates you except yourself. Your opinion of yourself is the most important!! This situation makes me move on entirely because I FREAKING WON, I was the greatest thing that happened to her and she dumped me, You win nothing in life. Nothing lasts. You never own anything except yourself and you only can win or lose your self respect. You're way too much invested in this person. Let it go. Let it drop and sink to the bottom of the sea. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted November 13, 2014 Posted November 13, 2014 Thank you, everybody, for taking the time to read my 'story' (if it can be called a story). Just want to make something clear. I'm going to text her, casually, after work hours (no jumping at midnight to text her) and send her a 'hey, happy birthday' text. Not gonna be lovable, not gonna flirt, not gonna try and sound like 'Hey! We're buddies now!'... Just plain and simple polite message, after all, she texted on mine... I'm just being polite. After being almost a year on therapy I learned something, and that is that we can't change who we truly are, and if I'm the charming-polite-nice guy that I am, I can't change that, and my personality dictates 'send her a casual birthday message', so I'm gonna go thru with that. So there are two possibilities of how this can turn out, but both give me the chance to move on, since I have the power now. I'm gonna make myself present and give her a chance to further explain that email, as to why she did it and where her head is truly at. So, here are the two outcomes, bear in mind that both end in the same way: 1. She texted me because she felt guilty, she felt alone because the thing with the other dude, or another dude or whatever, ended badly and she felt sad. She just wants to be friends because we have such great memories together and she doesn't see herself coming back to me. I politely tell her to **** off, explain why I just can't be only friends with her, not gonna be mad, I will truly be calm and I will not put myself in a feely-touchy situation, and say goodbye. This outcome makes me move on entirely because I will think of her so low, specially the fact that she considers me the love of her life and just wants to stay friends. I got my 'apology', I got her validation that I'm truly a great guy and at some point she feels guilty because she knows she made a huge mistake by dumping me. 2. She texted me because she's trying to reach out, and at some point be together (taking into consideration all of the complications this may cause). The things she was searching for in other guys she didn't find, so she concludes that I'm the only one for her, and even if she made a mistake she is willing to fix it, or some bullcrap of those sorts. This situation makes me move on entirely because I FREAKING WON, I was the greatest thing that happened to her and she dumped me, and if this happens well... I longed for this to happen for so long and so hard. Now the thing is, I don't know what to do... Do I take her back, am I willing to take all of the complications that come with this, it also depends on how badly she wants to fix it and her behavior in all of this. Do I tell her 'thanks, but no thanks'? That remains to be seen... The thing is, I don't consider her a bad person, I don't know how much she could've changed this past year, but I knew this person like the back of my hand, and she's not the kind of person to write that type of email and truly not expect an answer, or not mean what she wrote. Now if I knew her, she is trying to reach out, and since she knows me (when I have a bad temper and I'm mad... I become an ogre ) she's taking little steps and knows that she can't play with my feelings like out of the blue coming and telling me PLEASE TAKE ME BACK OMG I DID A HORRIBLE MISTAKE. But I'm no longer sure of her, and I have little to no information as to why she wrote that email, so I have to be extremely careful. Thank you guys for being preoccupied about me not being hurt again, it's amazing how you can feel close to someone you have only read on a forum and sharing feelings and such. I will keep you posted, and I promise you I will be careful and not putting myself on the line . Christ.... Dude, I dont know who in the hell you're tying to convince with all of this. You are STILL overanalzing eveything which means you haven't moved on and still way too attached. If you were over it like you claim, you would not contact her. Closure doesn't come from others...it comes from within. An entire year of therapy should have taught you that. You want to send her that text because you want a positive response. You want her to keep reaching out to you. According to your text above, you basically want her to want you just so you can rub her nose in the "mistake" of dumping you. That's pretty much the exact opposite of whatever good guy image you're trying to portray. Its done. Let her go and you move on fully.
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