Broke NC and feel lost

[jstew2000]

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. Im 26 and a paramedic. Shes 25 and just graduated college. We were together for 9 months. When we first met she was seeing someone so I gave her space. We started casually dating short after. I told her I would give her the space she needed to get over him. The first few months were great, everything seemed perfect. We did everything together, bonded so well, and had a lot in common. Except her EX was her boss, made her schedule, and she saw him all the time.

 

4 months into our relationship she came up to me at a concert and told me her EX had texted her. I got angry and didn't know how to react. At 4 AM I couldn't sleep so I decided to look through her phone. I found stuff I didn't want to see. She would talk to him about every other day. There were a couple texts that stood out about her asking him how he felt, and he was on her mind more than he thought. She told him its not in his control if he affected our relationship. She told him another time that she missed their nights together.

 

Well I broke up with her 2 days later. She begged for me back, telling me im the best thing that ever happened to her, and that shes with ME. She was hysterically crying and couldn't go into work. I have a soft heart, and I took her back. The problems with her EX created some tension through the holidays, but I thought we could make it to the other side. She told me on my xmas card that I was everything to her, she loved me so much, and couldn't picture life without me. That she is a better person because of me. She also said that shes not sure she deserved me(which she said many times before). Im pretty sure that she never stopped talking to her EX, even after all that we went through. She started getting more and more distant in the beginning of the year, and dumped me right before valentines day. when I actually had said we needed to talk.

 

She told me the night we broke up that her feelings for me were up and down the whole relationship, and she didn't feel in love. She texted me the next morning saying that wasn't true. She said I was everything to her too but that shes never been more confused in her life, and feels undeserving of love for some reason. I'm 90% sure she went back to her EX. There were too many signs after the breakup for it not to be true. But she never told me.. I fought for her about 3 times in a 2 week period after the breakup. She said her feelings for me are very strong but she cant start from the beginning with me. eventually I just gave up and went NC.

 

The weird thing is, is that she left every single one of our pictures up on facebook and instagram as a couple. Pictures from her titled "my sweetheart" with me holding her in my lap etc... I deleted her on facebook, deleted all our pictures, unfollowed her on instagram and deleted all the pictures of us on there too. after 1 month of no contact she went through my instagram and liked some of my pictures. Im pretty sure she saw me out having fun, and it appeared like I was moving on. one of the videos was a month old. so I know she spent some time looking through everything.

 

Anyways I was waiting for her to text or call me. And I broke last night and texted her after 5 weeks NC. she replied in about 1 minute saying "HEY!" followed by "how are you??". We talked for about an hour before she went to sleep. I was pretty short with her, but I was pleasant. We pretty much just shot the bull with her asking a lot of questions like "hows work been", "hows school been?" etc... and she ended it saying "goodnight, it was good to hear from you :)".

 

Ive been tortured by emotion for the last 2 months. This is the hardest thing ive ever gone through. obsessing over her social media, wondering why the pictures are still there and what shes doing. Wondering if shes back with her EX etc... I don't know what to do anymore and I feel sooo lost. I feel pathetic for wanting a girl who prob wants nothing to do with me. Shes the prettiest girl in the world and I thought we had so much in common. I don't know where to go from here and feel like I suck at the whole "healing" process.

 

I want her back so bad, but don't know if I should want her back, or even if theres a chance to get her back.

Thanks Guys.

Edited March 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[flightplan]

You probably know on a logical level that it would not work out. If you sat down and wrote out exactly how you would take her back, in your mind, I think you would quickly figure out that you actually wouldn't want her back. Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish she was.

 

As long as the ex is in the picture, there is absolutely no way this would work out. You're going to torture yourself if you don't learn to let this one go.

[jstew2000]

You're so right. But why is it so hard to see it clearly? Why do I play tricks with myself in my own head so much.. Her leaving pictures of me holding her that she titled "my sweetheart" 2 months after the breakup drives me crazy and I have an obsession at checking everyday to see if the pics are all still there. And then when I actually go out and have a good time, she goes looking through my pictures and makes sure she likes some of them so I notice. Like she wants to torture me, play games with my head, and make me suffer more. Than I broke down and texted her and she acted so interested in me, but I have a strong feeling I won't hear from her again. Maybe it's for the best...

[Woodox]

This is so similar to what happened to me it's scary!

Of course the outcome might be different but i went NC assumed she would go back to her ex, she tried and he was unsure about it, so she came back to me as a casual thing then after a week I found out she was still all over her ex all the while telling me that she only wanted me, then she pulled away yet again and ended it the same day I was going to. Now she is dating any guy that comes along and using every resource to meet them. That's fine her life her choice. It just shows me that this girl has and is behaving in a way I don't like and she is not the girl for me. Yeah i miss her from time to time but I'd rather find someone that actually wants me and no one else and proves that with their actions.

You shouldn't have to convince someone they should be with you and no one else, they should convince you that they want you.

 

This is all very confusing for you and I understand, my advice is block her from your facebook etc. get willpower and stop looking at her social media.

Accept that this girl is confused has no idea what she wants or who she is, go NC and work on healing yourself.

Focus your thoughts every time you question something about her then interrupt the thought and tell yourself you don't want to think about it, that there is no point it only holds you back from being happy and move on.

 

The thing that helps me everyday with the confusion and everything else is, I ask myself is this really the sort of girl I want to devote my time and energy into, is this girl everything I want or do I just WANT her to be everything I want.

 

Goodluck.

[somegoodman]

You want her back because she rejected you and you're trying to repair your bruised ego. Right now your confidence is in the dumps and it seems like your ex holds the key to your happiness. Everything she does, says, thinks...you're interpreting it all as a reflection on you.

 

 

Eventually you'll realize that you're being led astray by your emotions. Our emotions always lead us down the wrong path. Once you regain your confidence, you'll come to realize that she's just some chick, they're all the same, they all pull the same BS. You don't need anybody in your life, and that attitude will make you more attractive.

 

 

And believe me, your ex WILL get what's coming to her. You think she's on top of the world now. Her light will burn fast and bright, and then like that, BAM, she'll hit the wall and the ravishes of time and age will catch up with her.

[mtnbiker3000]

You want her back because she rejected you and you're trying to repair your bruised ego. Right now your confidence is in the dumps and it seems like your ex holds the key to your happiness. Everything she does, says, thinks...you're interpreting it all as a reflection on you.

 

 

Eventually you'll realize that you're being led astray by your emotions. Our emotions always lead us down the wrong path. Once you regain your confidence, you'll come to realize that she's just some chick, they're all the same, they all pull the same BS. You don't need anybody in your life, and that attitude will make you more attractive.

 

 

And believe me, your ex WILL get what's coming to her. You think she's on top of the world now. Her light will burn fast and bright, and then like that, BAM, she'll hit the wall and the ravishes of time and age will catch up with her.

 

We think a lot alike I' had these same exact thgoughts about myself, my ex, our RS and BU not just a few hours ago...

[jstew2000]

I broke no contact with my ex after 5 weeks. Both times, one late at night before she went to bed. And 4 days later and she happened to be on her way to work. She answered immediately both times and we had short, light convo both times. The second time I brought up a funny story about where we met cause I had been there recently. As she was going into work I told her "ok! Have a good shift. Text me later". It has been 24 hours and I haven't heard from her. I'm pretty sure she's seeing her ex. I've almost given up all hope. Have a made a fool out of myself? What is my next move? Should I just move on? She emotionally cheated on me with her ex last fall cause she works with him. and ended up dumping me 2 months ago.

[sooshi]

It hurts, I know. Go no contact again. It's the best and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself with this.

[Chi townD]

I broke no contact with my ex after 5 weeks. Both times, one late at night before she went to bed. And 4 days later and she happened to be on her way to work. She answered immediately both times and we had short, light convo both times. The second time I brought up a funny story about where we met cause I had been there recently. As she was going into work I told her "ok! Have a good shift. Text me later". It has been 24 hours and I haven't heard from her. I'm pretty sure she's seeing her ex. I've almost given up all hope. Have a made a fool out of myself? What is my next move? Should I just move on? She emotionally cheated on me with her ex last fall cause she works with him. and ended up dumping me 2 months ago.

 

 

 

Dude, YES!!! You should move on. You never had a chance with her working for her Ex and it's obvious that she never lost her feelings for him because you caught the texts. If she was that serious about you, then she would have switched jobs to get away from the Ex. But, she never did.

 

 

Dude, you aren't the first person to break NC and you won't be the last. But, as you can see these conversations that you are having with her aren't really going anywhere now are they?

 

 

It's never too late to go back into NC and start to heal from this again. You need to make positive changes in your life. Get new hobbies, travel a little. See what's out there! You state that she was the prettiest girl in the world. I bet you that you're wrong. There's a girl out there that just as pretty and would be willing to spend her time with you. To be dedicated solely to you. That doesn't have any baggage that she's carrying and she's waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to find her if you're still hung up on a girl that went back to her Ex. That places her Ex as more of a value over you.

 

 

Time to let go dude!

[jstew2000]

Do you have any suggestions about rebuilding my self esteem self respect and self confidence? I've been at the gym a lot. And working on co-dependency? Do you think I'm so hung up on her because of her looks?

[Chi townD]

Do you have any suggestions about rebuilding my self esteem self respect and self confidence? I've been at the gym a lot. And working on co-dependency? Do you think I'm so hung up on her because of her looks?

 

 

 

In a way, yeah. Look, I'm not calling you vain or anything; that's not what I'm implying. You demonstrated that you were 100% dedicated and in this relationship. And she showed you that she wasn't. She could cry and tell you that you were the best thing since sliced pie. But actions speak louder than words and you caught her texting pretty much the same thing to him. So, that wasn't fair to you and the only thing that didn't change with her was her looks.

 

 

If you're going to the gym, great! Keep going! But, you can also make even more changes to your life. Go back to school. I mean, you're a paramedic and that's great! And the pay is okay too. But, you'll get sick of the screwy hours and paramedics have a high burn out rate. So, you might thing about having a back up for any career changes.

 

 

Find a hobby. Something new. If you find that hobby then there's probably going to be a club in your area with people that have a shared interest! Join them! Meet new people! Put yourself out there! So, take dive lessons, join co-ed sports with your city's park district. Men's soccer league. Sign up for Mud Run's. Take a photography course, or cooking lessons. Learn to play an instrument. ANYTHING to get you out there and doing new things.

 

 

Then, travel. Go see something new. DO something different. The key is getting out of the norm and looking at something new. Getting away of things that is going to remind you of your Ex for an Extended weekend away. There are fun packages that you can do and probably the most expensive part of your trip would be the flight. Like, white water rafting, or deep sea fishing, or cattle driving...look up those vacation packages and work the cost and when you can go! Bring a friend with you.

 

 

The most important thing you need to do is KEEP BUSY!!!!