TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Women please - I want your insights. So everyone continues to hear my story as my relationship has progressed. I'm happy to report that this weekend was an amazing weekend. She and I went out on Friday and I came over on Saturday with one of our friends to help her around her house. I spent the night (on the couch at my offering) at her house while our other friend (a girl) and her slept in the same bed. Sunday we went to brunch, went over to my house for the first time briefly and then back to her house. Our friend left and she and I snuggled on the couch all afternoon, she fell asleep for a bit too. She woke up and we started kissing and it was obvious we were taking the relationship to the next level.... ...except, I wasn't able to perform...AT ALL. Call it nerves, call it psyching myself out...whatever. I couldn't 'perform'. I did try to take care of her and we tried for an hour...passionately kissing the whole time. I apologized, she said it wasn't a big deal, I told her it was - the whole routine. She kissed me a few more times. I asked her if she was 'done with me'. She said 'no." I asked her what now and she said we should call it a night. I got dressed, we said goodbyes, I asked if she was still interested in us and she said yes. I complimented her on what an amazing woman she was - we kissed a bit more and I left. That afternoon was the most amazing day I've had in a long time. This weekend was absolutely perfect up to that point. We 'sorta' came out to everyone we were dating. She told our friend how much she liked me and we got a long like we belonged together. So where am I now? I feel like I've ruined the relationship (I haven't heard from her yet - this happened last night...she sleeps late. I texted her already, but not unusual not to hear from her. She doesn't carry her phone around). I feel like she is done and I'm devastated. This is the woman I've waited for. Obviously I won't let it end like this - I'll fight for her. But is this real damage? A bump along the way? My impression, and it's only that, that she doesn't 'give' herself to many men and it has to be something real and something very special for her to do it. So, I don't know if that makes it worse or better with her. Please don't analyze why it happened or how to fix the sex in the future (I know why and how). I just want to know if this is damage that can't be undone. I talked to our mutual friend (she and I are like siblings) and she doesn't think I did - that this woman is deeper than that. I'm tearing my heart out here (ya'll know what I think of her).
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 She might well think it was her that was the problem.... I would text her and keep it lighthearted xx
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Think calling her might be too much?
WrinkledForehead Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 If she's had experience with men before then she'll know its very normal. It's happened to me with a few men and though it isn't common, it's not out of the ordinary. Usually things work better the second time around. Don't stress it too much and make it a self fulfilling prophecy!
Sivok Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Relax man - you're absolutely freaking out and your mind is jumping to disaster scenarios. It happens. It's in the past. Don't make a big deal out of it by spamming her with calls/texts of apologies. **** happens - you have nothing to apologize about. You were excited and nervous. It happens to the best of us. Just chill and avoid the topic 1
TXGuy Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 If you don't want this to be a big deal to her, you need to stop making it a big deal. Stop apologizing. Stop asking if she still likes you. Stop asking if it over. Your 'failure to launch' did not hurt your chances nearly as much as your obsessing over it. Stop bringing it up and you should be fine. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Ok - I'm just going to let it go and go on as normal. That's hard for me, but sounds like what I need to do. I'll call her today...as I would anyway, but not bring up the subject. I kind of want her to know it wasn't anything about her...but I'll avoid that.
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm sure she was disappointed. That said, it's not a reason to break up with you, unless you continue to freak out & can never relax. This is new for you & you're not 19 anymore. She understands. She's not a girl either & is probably worried about all the changes time & gravity have made to her body. Since you said you know why this happened & how to prevent it in the future, it should be a non-event something you both can bond over later when it stings your ego a bit less. Keep going with the romance & the physical will work itself out.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 D - I always appreciate you insight. I do relax with her and outside of this incident, she only knows me as relaxed. Even with this, I discussed it with her at the time and maybe 'freaked' out a bit with talking about for a few minutes. But I sent her a text last night to apologize and a random one this morning about the snow (which I'd normally do). The advice from everyone seems to be to just let it go and proceed as nothing has happened (I think that is kinda weird because it's a big deal - but going with it). That being the case and were we progressed our relationship, I'm planning on calling her shortly to BS with her. Normally I'd text, but assuming last night didnt' happen or happened differently, I would have already called her this morning..I've actually waited because I didn't want it to seem like I was stressing. And I am. I don't normally stress over women. But this is one I refuse to let go.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 and she didn't answer...which may or may not make sense since she doesn't keep her phone on top of her... ..but now a missed call looks like me stressing. Oh well. Yup - I'm very pathetic when it comes to her. I'm a pretty confident guy who's got his stuff together. The worst is I'll probably not try and contact her the rest of the day. But nuts when it comes to her...so f it, I'm stressing and this is my outlet. Sorry if that's bad.
MidwestUSA Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 You were fine until you asked if she was 'done with you'. I winced just reading that. Stop apologizing for something that falls in the category of 'stuff happens'. 2
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 lol - your writing that makes me wince too. is that recoverable? I am typically confident guy and I think the way I dealt with the whole situation in the few minutes after..may have destroyed my image of confidence.and maybe everything with it.
MidwestUSA Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 lol - your writing that makes me wince too. is that recoverable? I am typically confident guy and I think the way I dealt with the whole situation in the few minutes after..may have destroyed my image of confidence.and maybe everything with it. I hope it's recoverable! Yea, remember that confidence when this ***** happens. If she's the type of girl who would be 'done with you' over this, then she's not worth your time anyway, you know? Plus, the more you freak out over an occurrence like this, the greater your chance of a repeat performance (or lack of, if you get my drift). Hang in there!
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 as far as she knows, I texted her last night to thank her for the weekend, tell her the roads were snowy and apologized briefly for what happened. This morning I just asked if her office was closed. And I called her a bit a go, didn't leave a message..but will show missed call (just to bs with her). So I don't think she knows I'm freaking..just being me and showing her the attention I always do. Those two texts (except the apology) and the missed call would be normal for me with her. What else would be normal would be me asking to make her dinner tonight since we won't see each other for awhile. But I'm not going to do that now, because it will seem contrived.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 the good news is she texted me back and we have some friendly banter going again...I feel like two steps back..but it's a start...
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 And we are going out this evening. So - I'm hoping all is good. I think I'll try to stay away from an intimate situation for a couple of days (not that one was going to be offered). But this forum, this group of people - I appreciate. So far your advice has always been correct. My instinct was to make a big deal about things. Rather I took the advice - acted like everything was normal, and as far as I can tell, it is normal. I'll still worry..but at least I get to spend time with her :-) And she still wants to spend time with me.
Chalkdust89 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Good luck! This happened to me with an ex before. He was obviously embarrassed, but we both kind of giggled about it and decided to try again another time. Just don't bring it up anymore and don't psych yourself out about it the next time you try to have sex. If she says she's okay with it, take her at her word and be happy she likes you. If she's not okay with it, don't waste your time with her. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 I'm certainly not bringing it up and I don't know if she's ok with it or not. But I'm assuming so since we are going out. Yeah, I can giggle about it - but first impressions are a big deal..that's why it bothered me. Moving on...
Phantom888 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Im glad you two are continuing. Don't let the 1st attempt make you feel like it's the end. It's actually very common to be nervous and unfamiliar when you are with someone for the 1st time. There is much to adjust to. Right after my divorce, I was seriously dating a woman who turned out to be very sexually charged. The 1st time we had sex, I came in like 20 seconds, which never happened to me before. I guess because I hadn't had sex for almost 3 years prior, which somewhat threw my body off. The next weekend, we had sex for 4 hours almost non-stop. We took turns coming and it was great. So don't count the 1st time as anything. It's kind of a trial thing. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 It was a short date last night - but was nice and everything seemed normal and back where it should be. I am worried about the intimacy now and lack of. It might be two weeks before we have an opportunity again (though we'll probably see each other before then, I hope). Kind of concerned if this will start playing bigger in her mind. The other thing is I realize now is a medicine I was formally on, I believe, has screwed up me up and it takes a bit to recover from it (it happened a long time ago, as well). It takes awhile for things to 'sort' out and I'm thinking, as much as I don't want to..I need to have that conversation with her.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 U need to stop worrying x I had this happen with my ex but we just made a joke of it... every time I spoke to him I would just sing "cant get no satisfaction!" he knew I wasnt bothered and we made it into a joke and he was fine that next time.. wasnt sure what else to do but thought it was better to make it lighthearted than a big deal x Dont stress but do show her u still really like her x 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 showing her I care is NEVER a problem. :-)
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 showing her I care is NEVER a problem. :-) Then chill these things happen x us girls are just lucky we can fake it if we cant preform! x it happens to everyone xx
PogoStick Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Chill the fk out! A single substandard performance isn't nearly as off putting as your anxiety. You are calling, texting, and apologizing too much!
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Actually...with her, I have been 'chill'. Only texted one brief apology after the incident and let it go and had a very nice date last night.
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