diradara2k Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Hi! There, I am new to these kinds of forums, and I have never done anything like this before but I dont know how to let go and move on. So I will shortly write about my "story" and then for anyone who has had any of these types of experiences or has good advice, please just let me know. I am 25 years old now, and I have been in two serious relationships and dated a fair number of girls. I have never been someone to have been angry, sad or anything after something ended with a girl. So me and now my ex, dated for 3-4 months then were together for approximatly 2 years and 6 months. We had a good time and I have great memories. But the last 3-4 months, thins just weren't the same. I good myself a great job, and she also had a job but we worked different hours so the only time we had left for each other was at evenings and night. It worked very well for 4-5 months. Then suddenly her parents, brother and sister and everyone decieded to move to a new city, (school and work) and she was "left alone" to take care of older grand parents and the house they have and so on. After this she went on and cried and cried, did not want to do anything. She didn't want to see me, her friends, she just wanted to sleep and be alone all the time. I tried time after time after time, just beeing there and beeing understanding, because I knew how much she missed her family. Anyways for her birthday I got her a plane ticket for a month so she could go be with them, she was so happy, and then suddenly she acted like herself once more. When she came back a week or two it was great again, and she was happy and I felt like I made her happy again. But then after the two weeks, she started crying, wanting to be alone etc. Just like last time. So towards the end of january, I said we needed to talk, and that things could not continue like this because it had a huge impact on me that I just could not make my girlfriend smile. She then said she was sick, and didn't want to meet me, after 5 days she came, and we both came to the understanding that it would be better off to break up, and see other people. Now after the break up, everything was good for me atleast and for the first time in months I could actually get a good night sleep. We kept in touch, talked had kind off stayed as friends. Then suddenly she just got angry and well said she does not want to speak to me. I said I understood, but I was somewhat sad, but I just wished her all the best. But here is were my pain and hurt begun. I was really really kind to her, and all of her girlfriends liked me alot and kept talking to me, and suddenly her best friends started telling me, that I was too kind to her, and she never deserved me and stuff like that. I always answered no, she is a great girl and I hope she finds happiness with someone else and so on, and all her friends almost started crying, and were acting all weird. Then suddenly I hear from a friend that she is seeing someone new, after a month. And I was little bit upset, but very happy for her. And then an other friend came to me and said she had been "seeing/talking to a new guy at work" for 3-4-5 months now, and that everyone thought that we had broken up then. I didn't believe any of this. Then two/three weeks ago, someone told me they had seen his car late at night at her house. So I called her, and she denied everything, until I got really angry and said some pretty terrible things, and then was the first time she admitted to seeing him and talking for a while. But that she was not interested and that only he was. I told her that I am angry but that I wont hold anything against her or hate her, she should do what she wants, the only thing is that she has lost me forever and that I dont wish to see or speak to her again. Because from my point of view, if you cheat psysically it is called cheating, but if you speak to someone again, and again, and again and you know about his intentions for months, and she never always told me she never was interested and loved my so much, it feels like much worste then cheating for me. So now I feel so hurt, I cannot sleep, focus on work, I dont want to see or meet girls even though I have a girl that is so great and I just dont want to. I am getting worse and worse for each day that passes. I haven't eaten in a while, and the weirdest thing is that I dont think about her, and when I do its easier. But when I dont, it hurts so so much. All of my friends/and now hers, are really angry at her and everyone is kind to me, but I tell them that I dont want that for her. Just be nice to her. And then even her and my friends tell me that it does not seem as she feels any remorse about anything. So my final question or the answer I would like to her, is just how can I just let it go. I am not angry, sad or anything. I just have the worst pain in my gut, cannot sleep, cannot eat. I got girls that want to date me, but I simply just dont want to, and when I go out with a girl I feel like I am cheating on my ex. Sorry for such a long story, but I tried to keep it as short as possible. Any good and helpful advice or replies are very much welcome. Thanks!
KevinC Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Hi there friend and welcome to LS I am essentially in the same boat as you in regards to not being able to date. I am almost 2months post BU. There are a couple girls i know are interested in me but i cannot bring myself to go on a date with them. I like you feel like its cheating however irrational that may seem. There is no secret or magic pill to get over someone you just have to give it time. I suggest you go NC(no contact) and try and keep yourself busy, go to the gym, take classe whatever you like. If you need help or couseling by all meens go for it, there is no shame in that, i have done it myself. It wont be easy but know is the time to reflect on yourself and heal. Give yourself a break, accept that its over(this might be the hardest part), go NC and move on there is really nothing else to do but think about yourself first and help yourself heal. Good luck and keep posting here if you are struggling it has help me and others get trough hard time 1
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