thatconfusedgirl Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I've met a guy recently, he's a customer at my work, we often run into each other on the tram, and when we get chatting it's like sparks flying every where! However, for a living he does long jump, meaning, he doesn't work and dedicates 100 percent of his time training to compete. I'm a heavy smoker, and not at all healthy, occasionally I'll cook a good meal for myself, but predominantly live off take-away and toast. And I almost never exercise. I've had issues in the past dating someone who was quite athletic, there was a lot of pressure to quit smoking and to exercise regularly. I understand the health risks of my lifestyle, and can't stand when people try to change it, I become quite defensive and feel my independence is compromised. Anyways, I'd love to date this guy, but there's a big part of me that is hesitating because of our lifestyle differences. Is it worth asking him out anyway?
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Smoking is a big turn off, you should quit. Do you know how it feels when you kiss a smoker? I don't think so. It's like kissing an ashtray. If the guy isn't bothered by this issue then go for it. Try not to smoke around him and you'll be fine.
PegNosePete Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I went out with a smoker once. Never again. The smell is quite disgusting, even gum/mints/cleaning teeth can't cover it up. But hey some people might not mind it so why not ask? What's the worst that can happen?
ThatMan Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Of course you cannot stand being pressured to quit smoking. People become outright irradiated when they don't get their usual fix in the first place. Dealing with somebody who stands between an addict and their cigarettes is a disaster. This doesn't mean that he'll behave at all like an athletic man you've dated in the past. You'll never know his attitude unless you get to know him better.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Personally I would say no, I doubt it's going to be something he will be ok with as far as a relationship goes. People who are health conscious or participate in athletics don't generally desire to date someone whose lifestyle choices are greatly outside of theirs, and they might therefore be more critical of your choices even if they don't intend to be, and may feel inclined to try and "help" change your habits out of pure consciousness of knowing what you are doing with your body, although you may be satisfied with that, for him it may be very off-putting and disturbing. The good news is there's a lot of guys out at the bars drinking and smoking it up, picking up some onion rings and dollar tacos on the way home..equally satisfied with their lifestyle. In short: Incompatibility 5
ASG Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Personally I would say no, I doubt it's going to be something he will be ok with as far as a relationship goes. People who are health conscious or participate in athletics don't generally desire to date someone whose lifestyle choices are greatly outside of theirs, and they might therefore be more critical of your choices even if they don't intend to be, and may feel inclined to try and "help" change your habits out of pure consciousness of knowing what you are doing with your body, although you may be satisfied with that, for him it may be very off-putting and disturbing. The good news is there's a lot of guys out at the bars drinking and smoking it up, picking up some onion rings and dollar tacos on the way home..equally satisfied with their lifestyle. In short: Incompatibility I agree with this. It goes beyond the simple smoker/non smoker issue. He's an athlete. You say he doesn't work, but that's not true. He does. He works on his long jump. It's not just that you smoke. It's that you are not health conscious, whereas he is probably a bit of a nut, since he has to be, to reach his maximum potential. Under normal circumstances, I would say the smoker/non smoker thing was not a big deal. My mom and stepdad have been together for over 20 years and she smokes and he doesn't. But in this case, that is not the only issue. And chances are it's not gonna work. 3
SoonMyFriend Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It depends on the guy, no what we say. If he is OK with these differences then go for it. I know a guy who is an amateur athlete (plays hockey in Europe), and his serious girlfriend is a smoker and doesn't exercise either. It can work, just depends on his views. Be upfront with your habits and see what he thinks.
Minnie09 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It depends on the guy, no what we say. If he is OK with these differences then go for it. I know a guy who is an amateur athlete (plays hockey in Europe), and his serious girlfriend is a smoker and doesn't exercise either. It can work, just depends on his views. Be upfront with your habits and see what he thinks. Europeans are different, though. Hmmmmm......maybe........just try not to smoke a few hours b4 you see him. That may motivate you to smoke less and maybe eventually quit. If you end up in a serious R with the guy, you'll have to discuss it, but in the dating stage you really owe him nothing, and as long as you don't smell.....he won't care. And you can enjoy yourself with him. I've heard that a few hours without actively smoking, drinking lots of water and chewing gum/brushing teeth can actually get rid of the smell ...... Even if the sensitive nose of a non-smoker is involved........ I wouldn't want to smell like smoke if I were with a non-smoker-health-nut-athlete.
Babolat Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I've met a guy recently, he's a customer at my work, we often run into each other on the tram, and when we get chatting it's like sparks flying every where! However, for a living he does long jump, meaning, he doesn't work and dedicates 100 percent of his time training to compete. I'm a heavy smoker, and not at all healthy, occasionally I'll cook a good meal for myself, but predominantly live off take-away and toast. And I almost never exercise. I've had issues in the past dating someone who was quite athletic, there was a lot of pressure to quit smoking and to exercise regularly. I understand the health risks of my lifestyle, and can't stand when people try to change it, I become quite defensive and feel my independence is compromised. Anyways, I'd love to date this guy, but there's a big part of me that is hesitating because of our lifestyle differences. Is it worth asking him out anyway? Ex gf was a "smokes when she drinks" type. At first I thought I was okay with it, and even smoked a cig or two with her. After a while, the "smokes when she drinks" turned into 2-3 a night, and when I was at her apartment, she smoked inside. I grew to NOT like it. It was not a deal breaker, her other lifestyle choices, were. It's about lifestyle choices and compatability. I personally am very healthy, active, fit, eat well, etc and could never date a smoker. I gre up with a dad who smoked 2 packs a day and a grandmother who died from smoking. So, that probably sticks with me, too. Talk to him, see what he thinks. Better yet, smoke in front of him, you'll get your answer. My guess is this fitness thing is not a deal breaker, the smoking may be.
TheGuard13 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I'm a former asthmatic, and I dated a smoker for a year and a half. She kept claiming she would try to quit, and never did. Never had any issues with her because she was a smoker, though. She was conscious of the issue, washed her clothes, used perfume/spray, etc, and brushed her teeth regularly. She didn't taste like an ashtray, and she didn't kiss me right after smoking anyway. I think it depends on the people involved. The health thing could be an issue, but you'll never know if you don't ask. And hey, who knows? Maybe you'll find someone/something worth giving up smoking for.
SoonMyFriend Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 For the record, and sorry I should have been more clear - the guy I was referring to in my post is a Canadian who plays hockey in Europe. His girlfriend works with me here in Canada. She visits him frequently during the season, and they live together in the off-season.
pteromom Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 What you are really asking is "If I date him, will he accept me as I am, smoking and unhealthy lifestyle and all?" And none of us can answer that for him. The only way to find out is to ask him out and be very upfront about who you are if he says yes. I don't know that kissing a smoker is like kissing an ashtray, but it tastes and smells very unpleasant. And yes, it can be gritty, which I don't understand.
Babolat Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I'm a former asthmatic, and I dated a smoker for a year and a half. She kept claiming she would try to quit, and never did. Never had any issues with her because she was a smoker, though. She was conscious of the issue, washed her clothes, used perfume/spray, etc, and brushed her teeth regularly. She didn't taste like an ashtray, and she didn't kiss me right after smoking anyway. I think it depends on the people involved. The health thing could be an issue, but you'll never know if you don't ask. And hey, who knows? Maybe you'll find someone/something worth giving up smoking for. Did the smoke smell on your clothes bother you? I did for me when I would spend the night with my ex. Even the clean clothes that I brought over, and did not wear, smelt like smoke when I got back to my house.
natt_99 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 It depends on how tolerant they are of the smoking. My boyfriend is a smoker and I always take away his cigarettes or hide his lighter. It does become annoying so try not smoking around them that much.
Janesays Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 If I was the non smoker, no it would never work. I have kissed smokers before and it is extremely unpleasant. In fact, for me, even standing next to smokers is unpleasant. I have a very strong sense of smell and they REEK. And yes, I can still smell you if you only smoke outside, downwind, regularly chew breath mints, and douse yourself in perfume. To me, you just smell like a french who re. With that said, maybe he doesn't mind? I can't fathom how he wouldn't, but you never know unless you ask?
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