Dnorfleet Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I came home this morning from a girls house. We have been talking for 2-3 months, but just as friends. The past few weeks, we have both admitted that we had feelings for each other, but she had recently gotten a boyfriend, so they had to go unfulfilled. We made plans to hang out for the weekend as friends(He was aware of this), and everything was just as planned until later in the night. We talked about the "What could have beens", and ended up kissing, after assuring ourselves it was the first and last time, just to get it out, so she could continue on with her significant other. Needless to say, we found it difficult to hold our word. We stayed the night together, and had a pleasurable(but not sexual) night together. I tried to break things off a few times, as bad as I wanted them to continue, because I was worried of her guilt over having an affair. But she pushed, I was week, and a determined woman can sometimes be hard to refuse. I have strong feelings for her, and want to have something with her, but I can't do this while she is in a relationship. We have discussed it, and she admits to wanting it, but feels an attachment..an obligation to stay with him, because he very recently took her virginity. So she is unhappy with the way things are, as am I, but there is the struggle of wanting love but feeling imprisoned by the love of another. Part of me wants to leave, to make sure nobody gets hurt, but the other half wants to stay, to convince her that while there will always be a connection to him, her feelings are equally as important as his when it comes to a healthy relationship. This is an..odd scenario, so I decided to just throw myself out there, open to advice, comments, opinions, and criticism, all of which i'm sure i'll get plenty. Thank you!
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 She has a boyfriend that took her virginity, that's a pretty big deal. If she wanted to be with you the she would have broke up with her bf, but she didn't. So stop pursuing this girl. You had 2 months to make your move but you didn't, now it's a little to late. If she breaks up with her boyfriend to be with you then good, if not the leave it as it is.
Harmonizing Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Sounds to me like she's got issues to work out on her own where she's decided that this is okay throughout a commitment she made to someone else. Regardless of virginity, she has made the decision to be with him and to stay with him. Who's to say she wouldn't possibly fool around on you if this is something she pushes for after you have expressed your qualms with the situation and have attempted to cut it off? Also, what happens if you both WERE to end up together and it turns out this fire is based more around the excitement of doing something secret and unapproved of? I personally can't see something starting off in this manner EVER maintaining any sense of purity or genuine intention in the future as it has already been dashed by the way it began. Her feelings are important but not more important than the man she is betraying currently. That is selfish. Saying she feels binded because he took her virginity? Selfish. To you and to him. Like I said, she's got some things to work out. You can stick with it if you want to perpetuate this situation or you can walk away now and avoid a mess. Either way, there is no clean route and unless you want to be polygamous I don't see trust every truly existing between you both. Good luck, man.
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