paperwings Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) Her email: "I've been wanting to catch up with you, it's been busy lately, but it's on my mind... I had a brief email stint with -----, and she called me cruel and sadistic for talking to you...I don't want to do anything else that hurts you or anyone else, and so I haven't been sure if trying to talk to you here and there was ok or not. I figured that giving you space was best, but I'm thinking of you, that's all. And it's your call how much contact you want with me. I get it. Anyway, I'm working today. I hope you're doing well." Without having to retell my sob story, your thoughts -- Is she seeking validation? Trying to alleviate guilt? Will a reply release her feelings of being 'cruel and sadistic'? Is her email entirely selfish? Or is she truly thinking of me? Are these words honest? I know there isn't enough information for anyone to really come to a conclusion, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyhow. I want to find closure in our situation, but I have too much to focus on this week. I'm not sure whether or not to maintain NC for a bit longer, or in few words let her know we can get in touch when I return from my trip. I'm about to be slapped by the "DONT BREAK NC" police aren't I.... Edited March 17, 2014 by paperwings
BC1980 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 She's just curious. It's really simple actually. I get the temptation to respond, but there's no benefit in it for you. She can't give you closure, so don't try to get that from her. Don't make the email more than it is. 1
mangetout Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 She says she is thinking of you, that's all.Which means she just wants to catch up. I personally would reply with a short and polite message.
TaraMaiden Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Hello... NC Police about to slap you upside de head.... She's fishing.... looking for any response that will make her feel less guilty about having dumped you. Read the NC Guide in my signature/link. It's just breadcrumbs, and yes.... Ignore it, completely. That's all the response it needs. 4
Author paperwings Posted March 18, 2014 Author Posted March 18, 2014 Oh, Tara, I was waiting for you.
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Everyone does, dearie..... :laugh: Jeesh, the rep I have to live up to!!
Simon Phoenix Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Closure comes from within. Nowhere in that did she indicate any interest in getting back together. In fact, it sounds like the only reason she messaged you was to make sure you didn't feel she was being "cruel and sadistic". Had her friend not said that, she never would have bothered. Please don't respond to that. 1
writergal Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 She's just fishing because she's curious, nothing more. She wants you to feel guilty FOR her so she doesn't have to. She figures if you do all the emotional work she'll be able to walk away guilt-free. Don't respond to her email. It isn't worth it because it'll just prolong your healing process. She wants to keep you hooked in to her, just to stroke her ego. Stay strong...and silent.
noelaniella Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 To me it sounds like she wants you to reply with 'You're not being sadistic and cruel' so she can feel better about herself. She doesn't want you to hate her because that would make her feel like she's done something wrong. Answering this will not help you, just her. Stick to NC!
somegoodman Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Is she seeking validation? Always. Trying to alleviate guilt? Of course. Will a reply release her feelings of being 'cruel and sadistic'? Yes. Is her email entirely selfish? Yes. Or is she truly thinking of me? No. Or rather, she's thinking of you only in the sense of how it reflects on her. Solipsism - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary Are these words honest? They may be, they may not be, it doesn't matter ultimately. I know there isn't enough information for anyone to really come to a conclusion, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyhow. I want to find closure in our situation, but I have too much to focus on this week. I'm not sure whether or not to maintain NC for a bit longer, or in few words let her know we can get in touch when I return from my trip. You will never get closure from her, you will only give her more closure and further strength to move on. Maintain NC for as long as it takes to free her from your mind and don't ever feel guilty for doing it. Remember that she gave up on you, not the reverse. I'm about to be slapped by the "DONT BREAK NC" police aren't I.... Don't just look for answers that you know are wrong because you want (even need) to hear them.
RDawg Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 It's your call how much contact you want with her? Cool!!!! Tell her you want to see her every single day and have lots of skin on skin contact!! Seriously, what a clueless dumper.
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