udelgirl Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 hi i've been dating this nice guy for about a month. but before him, there was another guy in my life. we were incredibly close mentally and spiritually, but there was a lot of sexual tension and we never did anything physically. when he started hinting about sex, i backed away, and he eventually started dating another girl without telling me. i got upset, stopped talking to him, and he had been trying to keep up with me for a while without talking to me (asking how i was doing through friends, but avoiding direct contact with me). we sent emails to each other, basically me saying i wanted to conclude our friendship and end it, because i couldn't bear to be the left-over girl on the string, the 'back-up' plan if you know what i mean. a year or so passed without us talking. he also knew i was really caught up with my studies and basically shut off the outside world. i was really affected emotionally, too, i guess. so then i went to this party a year later, and there he was. he grabbed my hands and said we needed to talk, he spilled out apologizing for everything, for not telling me about his girlfriend, that he didn't want to hurt me, and that i was one of the most important people in his life. he said he even visited my house periodically for nostalgia's sake, and put an 'alert' for me on his buddy list. he said that he never contacted me directly b/c he was scared i was still mad at him. but i personally know that he is very prideful and can't seem to bend down to that level to contact me to say sorry. that's another thing that puzzled me. anyway, we hugged, and i forgave him. but he did not tell me he was now going out with someone else. he offered to drive me back home (we go to the same college, i live in a town that's on the way to his hometown) but was an hour late so i said to forget it... obviously he hadn't taken me seriously enough. i was offended... he was upset i had turned down his offer... and we left it at that. he hasn't called me since, and i still think about him a lot. i still feel like maybe he doesn't know how deep of a lasting connection i feel between us. but now i think he has a girlfriend, and he still hasn't contacted me... should i try to start a casual IM conversation with him, or an email pouring out my feelings, or call him? it's been two years, and i still think about him every day. my logic says no, but my heart says yes. my friends say he is still too immature to settle down, and acknowledge his feelings, but i don't know... what do you think?
tanbark813 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Didn't you say you were dating someone else now?
Author udelgirl Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 yes, but that's the thing, it doesn't feel right. i still feel like my heart is with this other guy, as cheesy as that may sound...
tanbark813 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Whether or not to contact the guy from 2 years ago is your choice, but if you do with the intentions of trying to start things up, I think the only decent thing to do is drop your current guy first. Otherwise you're doing to him what this guy from 2 years ago did to you.
Author udelgirl Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 supposing i did dump the guy i currently am dating, after explaining things to him... i still run the risk of having this guy say that he totally is not into me anymore... and then being really confused with his earlier signals... i just want to know how he truly feels (about me), i think
tanbark813 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 You're right, you do run that risk. Nobody said doing the right thing was easy. Good luck.
Author udelgirl Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 thanks do you (or anyone else?) have any interpretations on this guy's behavior?
tigerskye Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Here is my advice: Don't contact him. You seem way better than that. If he is late and always making you feel the way you sound like you do, then you are better off without him. If he decides to grow up and still has feelings for you, HE WILL COME AROUND! I promise! Somethings are meant to be and some are not. Guys also have their ways about them and if hehas feelings for you he will come around and then you can be together. Don't focuses too much on your past. You need to move on. You say you have a new boyfriend and things don't seem right between yall...well you need to focus on your new boyfriend and trying to make things right or leaving him. If you don't feel right with the New boyfriend then you should not be with him. You really need to focus more on your present than your past!
kanga Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 I agree with Tiger. You gotta move on. Sorry, I can't explain his behavior. But it just sounds fishy to me. If it doesn't feel right with your current boyfriend, then you should find someone else. But I wouldn't go back to this other guy.
Author udelgirl Posted January 27, 2005 Author Posted January 27, 2005 thanks everyone sometimes i guess it's just hard to let go.. and i guess even if he IS full of pride (and immaturity too, perhaps) if he really did care for me he'd make an effort to talk to me...
tigerskye Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 He may care for you still, but you need focus more on your life in the present!!! You need to focus on your new relationship or if you are unhappy with the new relationship break it off and focus on making yourself happy. I know it seems easier said than done. But I can say i know where you are coming from. I had a guy I dated when i was 13(i know young) he was 16. We only dated for 3 months but we remained friends for years(even to today) but my point is. After we break up I still had feelings for him but he was interested in someone esle. We remained friends because I wanted to get back with him if I had the chance. I still moved on and dated others but no one seemed to compare to him. He was dating other girl and I started dating someone esle. I found out his currentgirlfriend was cheating on him and told him. He hated me for it because he thought I was lying. But he found out about her cheating and said he was sorry to me. And we were friends like just before expect he wanted me back. I was in a great relationship and didn't want to give that up. We still talked but not as much mostly because he was in the army in korea. Once he came back I talked to him and started having feelings for him but he had another girl at the time. We both thought it would be best if we did not try to start up again because we had great relationships. Now almost 8 years later, we are best friends but I have been though lots with him and even if he wanted to start something back up with me. I could not because I have found the love of my life with someone esle. One day though maybe 30 years from now I will think back to him and find him and we may end up together but that is where time and waiting takes place. Just remember you have to move on with your life because you may let your love of your life pass you by!
jellybean Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Originally posted by udelgirl hi i've been dating this nice guy for about a month. but before him, there was another guy in my life. we were incredibly close mentally and spiritually Yes well, you also posted recently about this 'deep spiritual connection' with the CURRENT man you are seeing. Originally posted by udelgirl on Jan 16/2005 So I just started dating this guy but we've gotten really spiritually close over a month...he's really serious about our future but I'm a little hestitant. He sent me an email ending with "Sincerely yours" but when does one reply back with "Love, <insert name here>"? I don't want to lead him on or anything, but I still feel strongly for him.......
Author udelgirl Posted January 28, 2005 Author Posted January 28, 2005 hi jellybean, first spiritual connections seem strongest to me. no matter what happens, that guy was the first i connected with, and i can't seem to shake him loose. the current guy i am seeing is great, and we are spiritually close, but i still feel like i had something more with the first guy. tigerskye, i think you may be right w/ the time and waiting... i will learn through your experience that you so kindly shared! ultimately i am wishing he will come back, but like you said, if i wait around for him i just might miss other good guys like the one i am seeing now! so... i guess time will tell.. and even though i want just to find out what he thinks (because everything is so darned QUIET between us now!!) about me and if he still wants to preserve a friendship, i'll just have to wait for him to make that move/decision...
Recommended Posts