Titania22 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Hey Guys, I was just wondering, when you're first getting to know someone (say the first couple of dates), what's more important to you wanting to see more of them:- That you see the traits you want. or That you don't see the traits you don't want. I am curious which is more important to men. When I asked myself this question I would have to go with, not seeing traits I don't want. I think that is because I am happy seeing everyone as wonderful until it is proved that they aren't.
AntiSocal Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Its a mixture of both. And i take every girl as an individual. Sometimes a girl will do a bunch of things that are "red flags" in my book and i'll still want to hang around with her. Other times a girl won't do anything wrong at all but i still won't feel it. I think the most important thing when dating/with friendships in general is the chemistry. Some people just click and can talk for hours, others don't. If the chemistry isn't there then there isn't going to be a second date. And at the end of the day you should just be yourself. Don't try to mold your personality to fit what some guy wants in a women because that relationship will never work. Instead of worrying about how he sees you worry about critiquing him. Cuz most guys are too busy critiquing you to worry about their own actions on a date.
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I want a mixture too. However some of the don't wants are deal breakers while I could be more flexible on some of the "must have's". It's different for everyone.
OhThatGirl Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Is this only for the "guys?" I have some things I'm very firm about that are minimum basics. A career, stable, wants the same things I do. But after that it's really hard to have a "checklist" as a lot of the other things depend heavily on the individual. It's a huge continuum of factors. For example, I may not care what he does for work, as long as he is good at it and enjoys it. I want a guy that comes from a healthy family himself. Am I willing to overlook that IF I know he acknowledges all the things in play that led to his family not being healthy and strives to not make those same choices with his own? Of course. I agree that chemistry is crucial though. Can be a perfect guy on paper but without a spark I'm moving along.
Els Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I don't think they are mutually exclusive; some degree of both is needed.
Author Titania22 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 I don't think they are mutually exclusive; some degree of both is needed. Yeah I think we can all agreed on that. It was just something I was wondering about, hypothetically. I guess I was thinking, if in the early stages of meeting the other person was quite quiet, what would turn me off more, all the good things I didn't know about them yet, or any bad things I did see. That's why I went with the answer I chose. On the other hand I could see how people might not want to continue with someone who hasn't demonstrated that they have the traits they are looking for. Taking Ohthatgirl's example, she might not know anything about a guys family immediately, good or bad, so would she continue to see the guy, or assume if he isn't sharing about them it must be bad and not bother. I guess the ultimate answer is probably just chemistry at that early point. And Antisocial, I am always myself, and quite possibly forever alone too. Me as I am, makes lots of friends, but I am not the type of girl that guys develop feelings for. And my brain can't even comprehend what makes a guy catch feelings. Even being alone, I think if I could just understand what makes guys love before I die, I will feel satisfied. And i have probably gathered all the knowledge I need by now, I just need to decipher it so my brain can understand.
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