TrishWick Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I went on a date last night with a guy I've been talking to for about two months now. He treats me so well, buys me dinner (which I'm just bringing up just to make a point,) tells me good morning/night. -He has the key to my complex, so one day after getting home from work, I went to my room and on the bed was a dress, a necklace, and a note that read "Please where this tonight, I have dinner reserved at 7, I'll pick you up at 6:30. Love...." I was taken away.... speechless. I'm head over heels, but I was feeling worried about a subject, but I might be overacting. I was worried that there was a hidden agenda so I asked him why he was treating me so well... He said that in his past relationship he treated his ex GF terribly and that he learned a lot. He said he was wanting to make this one right. Should I be worried? Sorry about asking him and putting him on the spot. It's just that this stuff happens in movies and seemed too good. Opinions?
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 To me it all sounds great like a fairy tale except for the part on how it got on your bed.. Am I to understand that he used a master key he had for work in order to enter your place and put those items on your bed ? If he did indeed do that then my advice to you is run... he has boundary issues. If I read the post wrong then I'm sorry and hopefully someone else will help where I didn't.
AntiSocal Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 He has a key to your place after two months? ... Anyway he could just be a romantic guy like that. Or he could have some ulterior motives. WE don't know him so we don't know. If hes being that romantic after only 2 months i doubt the relationship will last though. Sounds like hes moving pretty fast and probably does that for all the girls.
Author TrishWick Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 To me it all sounds great like a fairy tale except for the part on how it got on your bed.. Am I to understand that he used a master key he had for work in order to enter your place and put those items on your bed ? If he did indeed do that then my advice to you is run... he has boundary issues. If I read the post wrong then I'm sorry and hopefully someone else will help where I didn't. No no I willingly gave him the spare key I have for situations if he needed to stop and drop off something. Just a hey I trust you thing. Because I do.
iDrumKing Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 He has a key to your place after two months? ... Anyway he could just be a romantic guy like that. Or he could have some ulterior motives. WE don't know him so we don't know. If hes being that romantic after only 2 months i doubt the relationship will last though. Sounds like hes moving pretty fast and probably does that for all the girls. I doubt he has any ulterior motives. Just from my opinion it sure does take some balls to tell a potential partner that you've treated partners in the past like dirt. Usually in this stage people will trash talk their exes to make there current partner feeling better.
OhThatGirl Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 You gave him a key when you've been dating for 2 months? As a way to show you trust him? And then he USED it? Look. I'd be changing my locks. I may be the minority here but after 2 months of dating I may start introducing a guy to my friends. That's MY sign I trust him. The whole thing sounds creepy. Sure, like a movie... A Lifetime movie (and we know how those end.) Am I the only one who feels that way? Just because he said he treated partners really bad in the last doesn't mean he has learned from it and plans to do better, even if he said he has/does. This again would be a red flag. Do you live in the US? Did you at least know this guy for a while before you were dating? Look him up on your local Clerk of Courts website to see if he has a violent history with women? I may be overreacting but this sounds like predator type romance, not star gazing and daisy picking romance.
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I think that he really put himself out there. The dress ting took a lot of courage and you should appreciate the gesture even dough it's a little to early to ''break in your house'' just to leave a dress on your bed Enjoy the experience he seems to be a really nice guy.
SammySammy Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's sad that a man cannot be kind to a woman with her and others being suspicious that he's up to no good. 2
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's sad that a man cannot be kind to a woman with her and others being suspicious that he's up to no good. You are so right, it's like you took the words from my mouth lol. I think that he is genuinely a nice guy and he makes an effort to make a good impresion. Just be happy op because they aren't that many left out there.
pickflicker Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) You are so right, it's like you took the words from my mouth lol. I think that he is genuinely a nice guy and he makes an effort to make a good impresion. Just be happy op because they aren't that many left out there. Oh, there are too plenty of them. They're are plenty on here! It would have been creepier if he slashed the dress and left it on the bed . Whatever works for you, OP. It's not my style, but if you're happy, go for it. Edited March 17, 2014 by pickflicker 2
David87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Oh, there are too plenty of them. They're are plenty on here! It would have been creepier if he slashed the dress and left it on the bed . Whatever works for you, OP. It's not my style, but if you're happy, go for it. I know they are, I'm one of them lol ) 1
CadeYeager Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I think people are reading too much into the whole access to the home deal. I mean maybe the OPs boyfriend stays with her sometimes? Any who it takes guts to be that upfront when getting to know someone knowing all and well that it could screw your chances. OP I'd be happy for his honesty
soccerrprp Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I went on a date last night with a guy I've been talking to for about two months now. He treats me so well, buys me dinner (which I'm just bringing up just to make a point,) tells me good morning/night. I and lot's of guys will do this from the start if they really like you. Enjoy. -He has the key to my complex... I think if you have expressed and agreed upon exclusivity this is not such a bad idea, especially if you have been spending a lot of time in each other's places, but still think too early. I'm head over heels, but I was feeling worried about a subject, but I might be overacting. I was worried that there was a hidden agenda so I asked him why he was treating me so well... You're infatuated right now. Don't let it overwhelm you. There's a reason why you were worried that there was a hidden agenda. Sometimes there is. Keep your objective wits about you and enjoy his charm, attentiveness and kindness. He said that in his past relationship he treated his ex GF terribly and that he learned a lot. He said he was wanting to make this one right. Always good when a guy or anyone else can admit such a thing. Learning from the past and improving oneself is crucial. Good luck to him. Should I be worried? For now, no. But, don't let yourself get starry-eyed and let your guard down. From here on out, it's all about consistency. I hate to say it, but no matter what the "good" guys on this site or anywhere else say, DO NOT take his actions as a definitive/absolute sign of being the guy of your dreams. People can have ulterior motives and buttering someone up at the earlier stages of a relationship, as you know, is one way to do it. If he's good to you in other ways and consistently, then be happy with that. Just don't go looking for trouble. Sorry about asking him and putting him on the spot. It's just that this stuff happens in movies and seemed too good. My gf feels (felt) that same way about me. Too good to be true, like a movie or fairytale. But my actions have been consistent throughout the 2-years of knowing each other. Even when things were not "perfect." So, for her, it was absolutely important for her to look back and see that I had not changed and continue to do the things that I did to attract her to me in the first place. Sometimes, those things in the movies DO happen.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I know where he's coming from, I had done some pretty bad things in my past...so a long time ago I told myself the next girl I meet/date I'm gonna be this "good guy", I'm going to try and do things right this time around instead of just being "selfish". So I ended up kind of sort of pushing myself to do things that were very "stereotypical" but you know hold a lot of meaning and sway with women because they're impressed with that kind of thing, but for myself It wasn't 100 percent genuine and it wasn't even that far into the relationship...it was because of my guilty conscious so to speak and kind of felt obligated to being the guy that women wanted a guy to be like and try to cover the mistakes of things I've received criticism over in the past for, and instead of a "bad boy" I'll be a "nice romantic guy"...since I was criticized for not being more thoughtful and giving in the past so I was like what the hell, I'll do that shet I guess, if that's what you want! I can do this cliche romantic/swooning gesture, even though for me I valued other things in a relationship because I felt they held more meaning, but I realized you've got to do one of those things once in a while as well so she can tell her friends and all of that, it'll make her happy. Well, I couldn't keep it up for long, plus I was working a lot of hours and didn't even have a lot of time, felt like I was creating this "false romance"...so I just kind of let it slip away, emotionally I wasn't available but on the surface I was doing "what I was supposed to be doing", but it didn't feel like myself, in her eyes I was building up this "nice' and thoughtful type of guy who's full of "surprises" but for me it was just covering the bases to make her feel "special". I'll also admit, I didn't really fully commit to it, it just wasn't the way I was naturally. And honestly, I don't think for any guy it really is, it's something you've got to do on purpose with a clear intention, I could understand if there's some history and a guy wants to make this grand gesture and have something special over it, but to do this whole "courting" the "right way" thing just felt superficial to me. Held a lot of things away from that girl, what she thinks of me or what she thinks she knew about me wasn't entirely true...but she'll never know that, and plus it's nice to not be on someone's shet list for a change, at least at that time In her eyes she probably felt she let go of me when I was gone way before that.
RDawg Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 A hidden agenda? What, like sleeping with you? Sounds like you're already doing that. A hidden agenda like wanting you to have his babies? Hmm.. maybe just ask for your keys back just as a precaution.
soccerrprp Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I'll also admit, I didn't really fully commit to it, it just wasn't the way I was naturally. And honestly, I don't think for any guy it really is, it's something you've got to do on purpose with a clear intention, I could understand if there's some history and a guy wants to make this grand gesture and have something special over it, but to do this whole "courting" the "right way" thing just felt superficial to me. I think that MOST guys, it's unnatural for them to pro-actively and with some degree of enthusiasm, engage in romantic gestures consistently. But NOT ALL. I am one who will and does consistently think of new and different ways to show my gf how much I care, however small. I like to do that b/c it makes her feel great, special AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD MAKING HER FEEL GOOD. I know she appreciates it and I get something out of it too (and not necessarily from her). I don't know about courting the "right way," but I do know what I am willing to do and what my gf likes and needs.
HappyLove Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 How much do you really trust him if you have to ask if it's too good to be true? After 2 months he has a key to your house? Irresponsible on your part.
isisisweeping Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 -He has the key to my complex, so one day after getting home from work, I went to my room and on the bed was a dress, a necklace, and a note that read "Please where this tonight, I have dinner reserved at 7, I'll pick you up at 6:30. Love...." Look, him saying where instead of wear would bother me too, but I'm not sure you need a post about it... Seriously, I would not expect it to be kept up or sway me too much. My last relationship the guy was over the top from the beginning but his behavior swayed downward more than I knew possible - he ended up having horrible mood swings and when his mood was down it was my fault he wasn't magically in love with me in this over the top way... It's the only relationship I regret. It was... rough in the end. My friends were so jealous in the beginning because it was like a movie but it really ruined so much.... So, accept it, don't freak out, but don't let it pull the wool over your eyes either. Appreciate that nice things are happening for what it's worth - but no more.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Romantic gestures are nice, but they alone do not form the foundation of a happy, lasting relationship. To me, they are the icing on the cake. Romance makes the cake sweeter and much tastier - but you need the cake, too. The cake is integrity, consistency, sincerity. Enjoy the romance, and continue to evaluate him for true compatibility as you would any romantic prospect. 1
FitChick Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 He is a man who learns from his mistakes. How refreshing!
RonaldS Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 The whole thing sounds creepy. Sure, like a movie... A Lifetime movie (and we know how those end.) Yep. I see a new skinsuit in this guy's future. Just kidding...sorta.
GemmaUK Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 My last relationship the guy was over the top from the beginning but his behavior swayed downward more than I knew possible - he ended up having horrible mood swings and when his mood was down it was my fault he wasn't magically in love with me in this over the top way... It's the only relationship I regret. It was... rough in the end. My friends were so jealous in the beginning because it was like a movie but it really ruined so much.... more. I could have written that! My last relationship was the same. Personally, it would be too early at 2 months to give someone a key - but that is just me. You seem happy and happy with what he has done. My only thought is that you have posted about it so some alarm bells are ringing. Keep your eyes open for other not so great behaviour such as jealousy or possessiveness in small ways. Trust your instincts. That is what they are there for.
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