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is there such a thing as "only good enough for sex but not for dating"?

h0000

By h0000
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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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This bothers me a great deal and it's definitely not because I dress or talk to flirtatiously ..

So for a long time I feel like guys only want sex but not interested in dating me. And when I don't give them sex they just stopped being interested altogether.

 

I read it somewhere that guys can have sex with whoever if they are that horny (biology thing) but in order to date they will almost always choose within their league or above.

 

So there I conclude I am not that good to date but only good enough to F**k?

 

Anyone else has the same problem and how do you deal with it?

TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

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This bothers me a great deal and it's definitely not because I dress or talk to flirtatiously ..

So for a long time I feel like guys only want sex but not interested in dating me. And when I don't give them sex they just stopped being interested altogether.

 

I read it somewhere that guys can have sex with whoever if they are that horny (biology thing) but in order to date they will almost always choose within their league or above.

 

So there I conclude I am not that good to date but only good enough to F**k?

 

Anyone else has the same problem and how do you deal with it?

 

I thing you have already figured it out. Guys will have sex with women who are 2 or maybe 3 points below them on the 10 point scale, but they will generally get in relationships with women at their level or above. Conversely, women are able to pretty easily have sex with men 2 or 3 points higher than them on the 10 point scale, but have trouble turning that into a relationship.

 

Dating near your level (and knowing what that is) will increase your chances of getting into a relationship.

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ja123 Established Member

ja123

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You hold out. Don't give up the v-jay.

 

 

Keep yourself really busy with positive pursuits that help you flourish as a person ... and be damned with men. :laugh:

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AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

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Are you only going for guys who are out of your league? For example are you fat and only interested in fit guys? Or are you ugly but only interested in model look alikes? Cuz if so then yea thats pretty much what you'll get from them. Dudes will have sex with ANYTHING but they'll only date girls who they see as "out of there league".

 

So if every dude you meet is treating you like a sex toy maybe you're just setting your sights a little bit too high. Aim for a dude closer to you OR below you in attractiveness and he'll most likely be willing to date you.

 

Its funny because women are known to complain about how all these guys just want sex right? But women totally disregard the men who actually want to date them because they don't see them as "good enough" for whatever reason. So its kinda like you get what you deserve. If every single women believes she deserves an 8/10+ then there is gonna be a lot of unhappy women walking around. If you truly want to settle down you gotta reevaluate your criteria because 8/10s rarely settle and almost never settle down. We don't need to.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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There are guys out there who do want a relationship with you.

 

Though they may not be the hottest guys or the flirtiest, but they are out there. Don't give up.

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robbysurfs Established Member

robbysurfs

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In my experience when I became happy with me I met nice women that are actually date worthy. The reality of me being happy with me is if it does not work out I am happy so its winwin. You really need to guard your heart and try and find out more about you. I dont need a women right now to complete me I can take it or leave it. Maybe this is why I have 4 different dates a week. Maybe the guys you seek out or the places you seek are not for you and there is something to be said about that to.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ” AR

mario_C Established Member

mario_C

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It really depends on him as a person. Haven't you ever felt about a man that way, like you like him as a person but don't want to sleep with him? Or you don't like him as a person, but he's got a real sexual vibe that attracts you? Well, that's normal and it works both ways.

You need to focus on people who will like you as a person, understand you and treat you in a way that makes you feel good about life. If that's what you want. ;)

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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Before jumping into conclusion that I go out of my league,how would I know where do I stand in leagues?

AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

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Before jumping into conclusion that I go out of my league,how would I know where do I stand in leagues?

 

Look at yourself objectively and give yourself a rating.

 

Are you fat? If so you should probably be going for out of shape guys.

 

Are you really pretty? If so you should go for really handsome guys.

 

Are you average? If so you should go for average guys.

 

Are you below average? If so you should go for below average guys.

 

Are you a fashionista party girl? If so you should be going for dudes who party and like fashion.

 

Are you more of a quiet girl who dresses plain? If so you should go for a quiet guy with no fashion sense.

 

At the end of the day leagues don't actually exist. Its all in how you are perceived by the other person. If the guys perceives you as out of his league he will act accordingly. If he perceives you as less attractive then himself he will go for a quick lay.

 

At the end of the day just date men that you are attracted to, hold out on the sex, and be honest about your intentions. They will either want the same thing or they will dump you and move on.

 

But if you're a fat girl or an average girl and you're only giving male models the time of day its gonna be a while before you find a man who is willing to be in a relationship with you. So you have to be honest with yourself and maybe drop your expectations a bit. Learn to give other men a chance.

 

OLD may work for you as well. If you put it out there that you are looking for a relationship the dudes who contact you should be looking for the same.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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I'm not fat and ugly and only go for models so reality is much more complicated than that because whether I'm pretty or average it depends on how other people perceive me.I cant really be the judge?.

hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

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From my experience, men associate an opportunity cost with being exclusive (not chasing other women). So at the end of the day there are 3 groups a potential partner can fall into:

 

1. Potential for neither intimacy nor exclusivity (no)

2. Potential for intimacy but not exclusivity (maybe) - this is where FWBs fall

3. Potential for intimacy and exclusivity (yes)

 

Women think in a yes/maybe/no way as well, but I haven't put my finger on what separates the 3 categories for them.

 

You want an LTR. Find people who consider you to be in group 3. Don't settle for less, or chase people who don't.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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I know i should find people who want me in category 3 but since significantly more people want me in cat.2 I want to figure if it's more likely me or its them.

If many women have this problem then maybe I have nothing to worry about.

But I want to know if the way I perceive myself is right.

Edited by h0000
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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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Also I rate myself a 7-8 and I think I go after guys around 7...and they aren't even interested .. :(

Sometimes it hits me real hard

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

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Sometimes the personality click just isnt there, but the physical attraction is OP.

 

From now on just dont have sex with guys who arent willing to commit. Thats how you can avoid this.

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AntiSocal Established Member

AntiSocal

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Also I rate myself a 7-8 and I think I go after guys around 7...and they aren't even interested .. :(

Sometimes it hits me real hard

 

How old are you? Most good looking + young guys only want sex now a days. With the invention of tinder its pretty easy for a good looking guy to get laid whenever he wants without a relationship. And most girls now a days prefer to sleep with goodlooking men instead of being in a relationship with men that they don't find as attractive.

 

If you are young maybe try for older guys? From now on go after guys who are a 5-9 on your rating scale instead of just going after the 7s and 8s?

 

Also you gotta realize that most men are gonna try to have sex with you. Its our way of testing you to see if your truly GF material. But if you hold out AND we get along well with you chances are we'll end up taking you out again.

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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I suggest you focus more on whether these men are BF material first.

 

 

Men who 'slut test' aren't BF material.

 

 

If you are looking for a relationship, OP, just dump the guys who push for early sex... You'll avoid a lot of a holes that way... Don't worry about 'holding out' for the sake of 'holding out'... That's garbage.

 

 

The main reason I don't have early sex is because I refuse to open up my life to a-holes. The only way you can insure that is to get to know them first. They show their true colors soon enough.

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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... because 8/10s rarely settle and almost never settle down.

 

 

Incorrect. It's only immature men with FOO issues and low socioeconomic status who claim this... and no, movie stars and sports stars are not high on the ladder. Simply having money doesn't give one high status.

 

 

Most attractive, highly functional, successful people ARE settled down. If they are single, they aren't playing the field.

 

 

It's an unstable lifestyle and doesn't inspire confidence in the social circles that require demonstration of loyalty and fidelity (most of the time) in order to succeed.

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georgecostanza Established Member

georgecostanza

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There are girls I'd sleep with who I wouldn't date and vice versa. I'm a good looking guy, some of my friends are too, and they probably see the girls they would sleep with and the girls they'd date differently to what I do, hell some of the girls I'd date they probably wouldn't even sleep with. What I'm saying is that it's not necessarily about how attractive you are, people are attracted to different kinds of people, and someone will be attracted to you.

Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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Are we really evaluating people with numbers? For real? :sick:

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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Are we really evaluating people with numbers? For real? :sick:

It's reality I'm afraid. Maybe not be everyone's preference but this is how a lot of people think.

Joaquin Established Member

Joaquin

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Yes. Some guys are able to keep a few booty calls on the go while they continue the search for a girl they would like to have a relationship with. Usually these are called friends with benefits and it's not uncommon.

 

To avoid it you form a relationship in which you become a part of the guys life outside of the bedroom, such as being introduced to the guys friends and in time family. Guys dont introduce booty calls to family and friends.

Edited by Joaquin
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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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Thanks for the reply guys. The delimma is that if I don't give in I'm just gonna be alone forever (I have been single forever already) and if I give in I'm jut gonna get sex no more.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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How old are you? Most good looking + young guys only want sex now a days. With the invention of tinder its pretty easy for a good looking guy to get laid whenever he wants without a relationship. And most girls now a days prefer to sleep with goodlooking men instead of being in a relationship with men that they don't find as attractive.

 

If you are young maybe try for older guys? From now on go after guys who are a 5-9 on your rating scale instead of just going after the 7s and 8s?

 

Also you gotta realize that most men are gonna try to have sex with you. Its our way of testing you to see if your truly GF material. But if you hold out AND we get along well with you chances are we'll end up taking you out again.

 

It just seems that guys aren't intentionally avoiding relationships they just have Fwb until they meet the one they want to date. And I'm just afraid I'm only good enough for being their Fwb.

I do try to not give in and search for the one who likes me more than sex and result is ..I'm still searching and it's been forever :(

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Just decide you are not going to settle being a FWB. Do not spend time with guys who don't ask you out on a proper date. This action should help you weed out the users.

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drg2365 Established Member

drg2365

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Thanks for the reply guys. The delimma is that if I don't give in I'm just gonna be alone forever (I have been single forever already) and if I give in I'm jut gonna get sex no more.

 

Have you thought about a guy's perspective in dating at all? How often do you plan and pay for dates? How often do you turn down guys before sex? How much effort do you actually go through?

 

The answer to all these only you know, but if the answers to the above are in the realm of: Not really/Hardly at all/I turn quite a few down/ I make him do the effort

 

Well you have your answer. Guys are more or less forced to go for sex because of the sheer volume in which they get waste time and money on women and end up rejected. Its really sad and wish it wasn't the case but it is

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