avoforastig Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 For the first time in a while, I went on a great first date with a woman who seems to have all the qualities I'm looking for in a long term mate. I'm not sure what to do next. At the end of the lunch date today, I said, "we should hang out again," she said, "call or text me." I know some people propose waiting a period of time before making the next contact, but this has always been baffling to me. I never know what the perfect balance of interested vs. needy is with the follow up contact. I asked her if she made it home alright, to which she replied yes, thanks. Argh! This is frustrating but exciting. When/what should I do as the next move? Is a call or text one day later look needy? Thanks so much.
Author avoforastig Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Yes, you are over thinking it. You have done great so far. Asking her if she got home safely wasn't necessary but no biggie. Personally, I would just say "I had a good time time with you last night". She would say "blah...blah...I had the same...blah...blah". Simple. Drop your phone and go do other things. As for the second date, ask her out when YOU feel like it. There is no strict guideline. Personally, though, I like to space out each date by a week. Having too many dates really soon can kill the mystery fast but that's just me. It's up to you. My advice is don't try to strike up a conversation before asking her out. Do it like this. You: Hey, (her name). What days are you free this week? Her: Wednesday and Saturday. You: Cool. I was thinking of going bowling on Saturday. You should come with me. Her: That sounds good. I would love that. You: Sweet. I'll pick you up at 9pm. Her: Okay. End of convo. Don't try to be cute or funny or cocky over text. Just get to the point and end it. So, you think a text is sufficient with no strict guidelines on timing?
Author avoforastig Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Yes, you are over thinking it. You have done great so far. Asking her if she got home safely wasn't necessary but no biggie. Personally, I would just say "I had a good time time with you last night". She would say "blah...blah...I had the same...blah...blah". Simple. Drop your phone and go do other things. As for the second date, ask her out when YOU feel like it. There is no strict guideline. Personally, though, I like to space out each date by a week. Having too many dates really soon can kill the mystery fast but that's just me. It's up to you. My advice is don't try to strike up a conversation before asking her out. Do it like this. You: Hey, (her name). What days are you free this week? Her: Wednesday and Saturday. You: Cool. I was thinking of going bowling on Saturday. You should come with me. Her: That sounds good. I would love that. You: Sweet. I'll pick you up at 9pm. Her: Okay. End of convo. Don't try to be cute or funny or cocky over text. Just get to the point and end it. Also, do you think its necessary to text in between to "keep the conversation going?"
OhThatGirl Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Let me give you a hint. If she really liked you and is anxiously waiting for you to ask her out again, you would have to be pretty bad to ruin it for her. If she's on the fence you may have to play this carefully. If she's simply not interested nothing you can do will be the right thing. So, don't stress. If you play it "wrong" it's because she wasn't that into you to begin with. That should be reassuring though it sounds kinda bad now that I think about it. Just do as you'd like and ask her out. Girls can smell stress and insecurity from miles away. The sexiest thing you can do is take the lead like whatever it is you're doing is entirely natural and she would be strange to think otherwise. Unlike DrElliot I like an occasional exchange of texts or a phone call midway between dates. Otherwise I wonder if I should start reconsidering the plans we had. Especially if they are a week or more apart.
Stay Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 There are no guidelines for any space in between contacts, I think they're dumb and if you feel like sending a text then do it. Just don't overdo it, that's the only issue. You don't have to text everyday but you also don't have to wait 3 days until you can text her again. Sure it's a good guideline for people who are clingy but if you're busy with your life you won't even have that issue, which you should be busy with your life since that's a very attractive trait to have your own life also. Like OhThatGirl said if you're interesting to her and she likes you then you can't really go wrong. I personally don't like to converse over text but I do make it an effort to make the conversation fun at least, I honestly enjoy role playing and allowing the girl to join in some fun through text. Not everyone's cup of tea but I enjoy a girl who can be witty to make things a bit interesting. 1
Author avoforastig Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 OP, you want to avoid taking dating advice from a woman. What a woman says she wants and what she really wants are two totally different things. When a lion is hunting an antelope, does it seek the advice of the antelope on how to hunt it? Texting vs. call is irrelevant then?
Stay Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Texting vs. call is irrelevant then? I'm not sure what you're asking here.
Standard-Fare Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Wait a couple days and then, like the Dr. said, be direct in proposing a specific suggestion for your next get-together. No pointless chit-chat or beating around the bush. I'd say text as opposed to calling because people seem to prefer that at the early stage of the dating game. It's less pushy. But the reason you don't want to do meaningless chit-chat is: If she happens to be on the fence about you, dating other people at the same time, etc., it will be very easy for her to just "keep you on the backburner" as an option in her mind. And then possibly drop right out of the convo whenever she so pleases. But making a specific, direct proposal clearly shows your interest and requires her to consider that and come up with some response.
Stay Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Wait a couple days and then, like the Dr. said, be direct in proposing a specific suggestion for your next get-together. No pointless chit-chat or beating around the bush. I'd say text as opposed to calling because people seem to prefer that at the early stage of the dating game. It's less pushy. But the reason you don't want to do meaningless chit-chat is: If she happens to be on the fence about you, dating other people at the same time, etc., it will be very easy for her to just "keep you on the backburner" as an option in her mind. And then possibly drop right out of the convo whenever she so pleases. But making a specific, direct proposal clearly shows your interest and requires her to consider that and come up with some response. I prefer texting also but I think sometimes calling is good. When I get a call from a girl just hearing her voice is good enough to make me feel a certain way so I can't imagine what a girl feels when a guy actually calls her, it's different from the norm and stands out.
Standard-Fare Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I prefer texting also but I think sometimes calling is good. When I get a call from a girl just hearing her voice is good enough to make me feel a certain way so I can't imagine what a girl feels when a guy actually calls her, it's different from the norm and stands out. True -- and if that's what you feel more comfortable with, you should go for it. If she's at all interested in you, it will probably be pretty refreshing to get that direct communication. Just have your Plan B ready in case she doesn't pick up... whether that's following up with a text or whatever. 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 OP, you want to avoid taking dating advice from a woman. What a woman says she wants and what she really wants are two totally different things. When a lion is hunting an antelope, does it seek the advice of the antelope on how to hunt it? Uh. This logic fails when it's an antelope wanting to be hunted/eaten. What women want? A guy that has confidence to do whatever the hell he feels like and knows it's going to work. When you start introducing rules and timelines and strategy, his confidence is shaken and he will eventually slip up and then realizing he's done so he's going to make the fatal mistake of.. apologizing for something that required no apology. Maybe not an apology, but somehow he's going to leave little clues that we pick up on subconsciously. The fact that he's asking how many days to wait and whether he should call or text means he already knows not to be clingy. The small details won't earn him any extra points (think I've ever turned down a date with a guy I'm interested in because he called instead of texted me? Lmao!) OP - You're fine. Don't worry over the small stuff. As long as it's within reason (again, sounds like it is) it's not going to make a difference whether you wait 2 vs 3 days or if you call vs text.. If we are interested and you don't do anything weird to screw it up, it's just extra stress for you to carry around.
Recommended Posts