Harmonizing Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 The situation: I've been with my boyfriend for just over a month now and he is a wonderful boyfriend. The most respectful, accommodating, thoughtful, and genuine guy I've ever decided to commit to. Any issue we have is so easily resolved it blows my mind and he is ambitious, future-oriented (while still being present), and open about his feelings for me. Before him I was single for 2 1/2 years by choice after leaving a 1 1/2 year long hectic, dramatic, emotional, and manipulative relationship with someone who did NOT respect me. Happily single (95% of the time) and enjoying working on myself while helping my family. I felt, in big part, that I wasn't at a point where I would be able to genuinely commit to someone nor that I had the time I'd like to have to do so. Also, I had wanted to wait for when I was finally able to get out and work again and go to school (university) after helping my family so that I had open options with no restrictions and limitations. (In helping the family I am home a LOT and really don't go out on my own and do things with new people). I felt uneasy about committing to him and the moment I said yes when he asked I had a genuine moment of fear as the last couple of years I had had a COMPLETELY different mindset. We jumped in really quite quick as we hung out once and then the second time he initiated kissing which, after a very long dry spell I continued to sex. Besides that we were already very open with each other and very genuinely enjoy each others company and support at least most of the time. This is my first time dating someone my age after spending a lot of time with people a decade or so older than me and always dating someone AT LEAST a year or so older in the past. Which is something I like in a lot of ways. Also, all of our closest friends and family entirely approve of the other. Like his family REALLY likes me and his friends compliment him (from things he's told me about). In the past, this has not been the case for either of us. Before the commitment I felt uneasy. During I feel uneasy about the commitment as well. I find things I don't like about him (which I know will happen!) yet we get along better than I have with anyone for a long time. He pushes and wants sex much more than I do and we will be uneven at times where I'm enjoying spending time and talking and he wants to make out or have something else occur and because of that I will like... make myself not enjoy it as I point out things I don't like about his technique or what he's doing in my head. Nitpicking. I sometimes feel like his age isn't good because he does have this level of immaturity that is perfectly okay and natural for him but is something I don't entirely enjoy when i'm trying to be serious and thoughtful with him. Also, his feelings are evolving much quicker than mine. We've discussed this and I told him of my slower pace but the pressure of not feeling at the same level still exists in me. Part of me feels like I HAVE to or SHOULD feel a way that I'm just not yet. Also, he's 21 now and I'm about to turn 21. I want to go out and drink and hang out at bars and clubs (occasionally, when I would like to. Not all the time) and he is VERY, VERY health-inclined and has never drank and never, ever wants to. Which is fine but I feel like in doing what I'd like he'll be disapproving which is something I will not put up with. When I told him this he seems ok with it as long as I'm safe but he also has passive aggressive tendencies and that is another thing that will drive me up the wall if I indulge and he secretly side-glances me with disapproval. It's VERY early but in considering the future (as he lives a bit far and has already talked to me about moving to this city to find work and for friends very suddenly) I know that living together would be a terrible idea for us right now. We've got DISTINCT lifestyle differences. We were mainly facebook friends for years before this and knew each other from high school so that's how I know it's sudden and not something he ever openly considered enough to do before this. Bottom line is he is a great guy. A "catch". I have, even in a month or so, a very balanced relationship with REAL communication (gasp!). At the same time I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. Also a distinct fear of feeling like he could end up being "the one" and I would be settling down at the barely adult age of 20 unknowingly. Or that maybe we would have worked well as friends only and if I had had more time to think about it we wouldn't be together?? Why do I feel uneasy? Why am I so unsure when I feel great with him a lot of the time? What part of me is so resistant and how can I remedy it?? Thank you for reading and helping!!
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