avacado Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Two year relationship, ended just over a year ago. She broke up with me and sent me into a year of misery, during which I thought about her constantly, blamed myself for what I'd lost, wondered what I could have done better even though I really treated her like gold. I'm sure most of you can relate. I broke NC twice, but vowed never to do it again about 7 months ago when I blocked her on FB. I started getting more serious with a new girl a few months ago and for the first time, I'm not thinking about the ex so much, and when I do, I don't get that terrible pain. I heard from a mutual friend that she is now living with her new boyfriend but she's apparently pretty unhappy with it. Sounds terrible but I kind of felt happy about hearing this. He's just 23, she's almost 28, and he's probably not mature enough to treat her anywhere near as good as I did. With her inability to keep in touch even with close friends and my vow to keep to NC, I was astonished last week when she sent me an email asking me how I was doing. You'd think me blocking her would send the right message, but maybe she figured I'd just deactivated my account. I hate to admit it but I was elated that she'd finally reached out. We had a little mild back and forth about what we're up to, I didn't elaborate much at all and kept it contained, to stay on the safe side. But what the heck does she really want? Is this really just a friendly hello? Is she goading me to fall apart again and try to get her back? Of course none of you know what this particular person is thinking. But maybe there are some "breadcrumb truths" that aren't obvious.
somegoodman Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Who cares what she wants? If you do, ask yourself why. She broke your heart. Why waste any time thinking about her wants, needs, etc?
rec88 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Nobody knows but her. If she's as unhappy as you say, she may be trying to replicate happy memories and recreate those feelings. Confused people take very strange paths in search of understanding, but it's about them, not you. Don't misinterpret it for a sudden onset of empathy. The best thing you can do is not try and understand, but take her at her word. This removes the burden of interpreting from you, and it will hold her accountable for her actions. If she asks how you're doing, that's all she wants to know. If she wants anything else, it is her responsibility to communicate that. That's they way we should approach all our relationships in life, romantic and platonic. If she asks simple questions, give simple replies. She hurt you badly, so no reason to put yourself in a vulnerable spot so quickly. 1
robbysurfs Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 (edited) Rec88 I think is spot on dude. I been a yr out of my relationship and my ex has not contacted me at all and I just met a new girl I like. I am kinda dreading it and part of me hopes she doesn't and a part does in a way because of all the pain she caused me I know however whats done is done and there is no vitamins in it our relationship is over. So in the past when this has happened to me and it has happened many times I kept it simple and kept it moving. In my experience if women want something from you they make it very clear in most cases. Edited March 17, 2014 by robbysurfs
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