drewdude Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Hello LS, Ive been dating this girl for about 6 months. At first things were great. I was nice, non judgemental and patient but lately it has just got too out of hand and I am tired of the repeat arguments we are having. Mainly over her being extremely needy of me and wanting attention. And her getting ticked off when I am having a guys night out watching sports/playing games. Heres a list. -Doesn't work go to college at the moment. -She has a kid she doesn't have custody of. -She doesn't really have her own place to live(she has a step mom but doesn't like staying out there as it is in the boonies). Shes constantly spending nights over at friends. -She was abused sexually and physically growing up. -Her real mom and dad are in prison/homeless using drugs somewhere. -Used to be a meth/drug abuser. But has been sober for years. -Most of her friends have been to jail or have criminal records. -Socially awkward when we go out, has to always have a headphone in one or both ears when we go somewhere like a mall. Or has to leave at an event where there are too many people. I've known her for close to a year now and she has had no significant changes. I tried to help her but seems like its going nowhere. I work full time, only have 2 days off and I barely get time to myself nowadays. So when I want to take weekend to myself, she becomes furious and constantly bugs me to go see her. Do you think its time I bail out? I am soo tired of these arguments we've been ahving.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Baggage is fine, even expected if you aren't twenty, but living listlessly without purpose or direction, waiting for you to change her life and make it better is a real red flag. Yes, move on. You are living a functional, forward focused life and she wants you to take her with you. Fun and opportunistic for her, not so much for you. Best, Grumps
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Hello LS, Ive been dating this girl for about 6 months. At first things were great. I was nice, non judgemental and patient but lately it has just got too out of hand and I am tired of the repeat arguments we are having. Mainly over her being extremely needy of me and wanting attention. And her getting ticked off when I am having a guys night out watching sports/playing games. Heres a list. -Doesn't work go to college at the moment. -She has a kid she doesn't have custody of. -She doesn't really have her own place to live(she has a step mom but doesn't like staying out there as it is in the boonies). Shes constantly spending nights over at friends. -She was abused sexually and physically growing up. -Her real mom and dad are in prison/homeless using drugs somewhere. -Used to be a meth/drug abuser. But has been sober for years. -Most of her friends have been to jail or have criminal records. -Socially awkward when we go out, has to always have a headphone in one or both ears when we go somewhere like a mall. Or has to leave at an event where there are too many people. I've known her for close to a year now and she has had no significant changes. I tried to help her but seems like its going nowhere. I work full time, only have 2 days off and I barely get time to myself nowadays. So when I want to take weekend to myself, she becomes furious and constantly bugs me to go see her. Do you think its time I bail out? I am soo tired of these arguments we've been ahving. Absolutely. If she doesn't want to help herself, there is zero you can do. You can't be expected to take the brunt of her frustrations with life. A couple of questions: why doesn't she have custody of her child? And what does she do to get money to live?
HappyLove Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 More proof men love CRAZY! HELLOOOOO! How much crazier could this chicks life get and SHE has a man? There are only about a thousand red flags and your wondering if you should end it? No job, no custody of kid (HUGE). Do you know how horrible of a mother you have to be not to have child custody? PLEASE tell me what made you date her in the first place? 1
Author drewdude Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 More proof men love CRAZY! HELLOOOOO! How much crazier could this chicks life get and SHE has a man? There are only about a thousand red flags and your wondering if you should end it? No job, no custody of kid (HUGE). Do you know how horrible of a mother you have to be not to have child custody? PLEASE tell me what made you date her in the first place? Well at first, things weren't crazy. We actually had a lot in common, more than I've had with any girl I've dated and im 30 years old (shes 26). It was over time she started telling me these things and I started piecing everything together. And recently she has been extremely needy of me and we constantly argue. I have a heart and I feel bad for people, I am usually not one to leave someone but I am soo mentally exhausted.
JennHenn Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 I think she needs some professional help. I am no mental health expert, but it sounds to me as though she's emotionally unstable and has become dependent on you for what ever stability she does have. That's why she gets so angry when you go out with friends, because she feels like she needs you. This isn't good for either of you. It sounds as though you do still care about her, but just can't handle the relationship any more. And I think that the relationship isn't doing her any favours. So I'd suggest that you explain to her exactly why, but don't make her feel as though her baggage will mean that she's no good. Let her know that it's the fact that she seems unwilling to change, or that even if she wants to, she's not trying. Then break up. If you do still care about her, you could let her know that, and be supportive. Then, maybe when she's dealt with her own issues (which may take a while), you could possibly, one day, start to see each other again.
SmartDude Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Be careful. It is wise to stick up for your self and yes you have the right to personal happiness. However, well adjusted happy people can also be the most heartless, cruel and judgmental people on the planet when it comes to intimate relationships. Get to know her on a deeper level. The hardship she has been through may give you a new perspective on life. Often people who have suffered greatly are also the most compassionate non-judgmental people you will ever meet...If you can get past the occasional outbursts or beer bottles thrown at your head:) Whatever you do, don't cause her more pain by telling her what I am sure she already knows. People who have had severe trauma in life are well aware of their personality flaws, they don't need anyone to tell them what is wrong with them. If you want a positive interaction you are going to have to see things from her perspective. If you decide to leave don't do any more damage to her life. Be respectful. 1
Poppyolive Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Run for the hills.....don't even wait for our answers....run already homeboy!
OhThatGirl Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 After "she has a kid but doesn't have custody" I stopped reading. Move on. 1
TheBladeRunner Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 After "she has a kid but doesn't have custody" I stopped reading. Move on. Yeah, this is a gigantor red flag......"Run Forrest......RUN"!!!!!!!!
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