ChixRule Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I really like this guy that I have been dating for over a month now and I'm starting to wonder if it will ever become a relationship. Today i asked him about meeting my friends and got shot down... like almost aggressively... He mentioned that he wanted to go to the St-Patricks day parade after i told him that i might go see a friend there. I then invited him to come with us and said how about you meet with your friends and ill meet with mine. I mean he could have just said I was hoping to meet up with some of my friends but the way that he said it made me feel like he wanted nothing to do with my friends. What does this mean? Bad sign? It can't be positive... :S
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Have you met any of his friends? It may be that he already had plans and you misinterpreted his tone/intention, but he could also be hesitating to make anything more serious out of this. How have things been going otherwise?
Leigh 87 Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Bad sign. Even a really shy guy wouldn't be too averse to meeting the friends of a woman he was really into.
Versacehottie Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 hmmmm, well I think a lot of guys hesitate about things that move the relationship forward, which is normal. They will stall about meeting friends and family and sometimes need a bit of a push because they know what this step will mean. So I wouldn't say more about it. Let him come back to you when he is ready. And walk away if it is taking too long. So not necessarily a total red flag at this point but a bit of a yellow flag. What would concern me and what possibly could be a red flag is how he handles/handled it. Someone that reacts in a mean manner or dismissive or rude could be showing a lack of respect for your feelings and where you are NOW in your relationship. I can understand when one person is not ready & being hesitant BUT mistreating the other person in course of standing their ground or express this is not a good sign. Analyze what happened with that and re-evaluate. Every interaction with a boyfriend at each stage teaches you more about the person they are and you should be deciding if YOU want to move forward with him by the way he behaves in situations along the way. For example, don't just be after the end result of "him meeting your friends" as a sign of how much he is into you or how the relationship will progress or be successful. Even if you don't get the "end result" you want at the time you want it (ie now), he is showing you a vital part that you need to know about him in how he handles this request. Many times not getting what you want with the guy can actually be a good thing in terms of learning how to negotiate with him and for each of you to show a part of yourself & what is important to you&what is comfortable for both of you. It's all important! Good luck
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's a bad sign because this was an easy, casual organic way not only for him to meet your friends but for all his friends to meet them too. Since you were all going to the same place anyway it wouldn't have been all that complicated to stand together to watch the parade or to meet in XYZ bar after. The fact that he was so aggressive (to use your word) about shooting you down doesn't bode well. I would talk to him about it but if the explanation isn't amazing, I would move on.
RoseMadder Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 It's a bad sign because this was an easy, casual organic way not only for him to meet your friends but for all his friends to meet them too. Since you were all going to the same place anyway it wouldn't have been all that complicated to stand together to watch the parade or to meet in XYZ bar after. The fact that he was so aggressive (to use your word) about shooting you down doesn't bode well. I would talk to him about it but if the explanation isn't amazing, I would move on. Couldn't have said it better, a very good friend of mine was in a similar situation and when we did finally meet him he was a nightmare - got crying drunk, perved on some pics of me from when I was 14 (Ewww) and that was when he met just me. He caused a massive scene at a party because she had some old texts on her phone from a male friend, he'd snooped on her phone while she was in the bath and bottled it up til we got to the party and then got really aggressive with any bloke that spoke to her. This was at a birthday party and so everyone knew everyone, of course she would speak to men at some point in the evening! She still didn't get it and went to visit him in his town 300 miles away, while she's there he told her that her friends and family were bad for her and asked her to stay and move in with him. And his parents. After they'd met three times. There's normally a reason a guy doesn't want to meet your friends, it's usually because they're scared the friends will see him for what he is. I agree with dOnnivain, unless he has a darn good reason for his behaviour then I'd run for the hills.
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