bubblesbursted Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I have been thinking lately, how will I know I am completely over my ex? Will it just stuck me like lightning or what? I kind of want to be 100% over him but I don't know how will I know I have reached that stage. Please share your experiences?
TheKook Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 When you no longer think about him on a regular basis. When you are capable of seeing his face and you don't feel any sadness/anger/regret/negative feelings.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 When you can imagine him in the arms of another woman in a passionate intimate clinch, and think "oh that reminds me, I need some tomatoes"..... 4
carhill Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I saw two examples recently, regarding 'completely moved on'. Got a call from exW about her best friend, someone I had experienced contact with after our D, being near death and, later, indeed dying. She was upset, as could be expected. Her being upset didn't move me emotionally. I was, however, feeling marked emotional content regarding her friend, with whom I still had a positive and loving relationship with, as this news was a marked surprise to me. Subsequent to that interaction, exW called me regarding some financial moves she was interested in making, improving her real estate position, one I had set up for her when we divorced. This move, if successful, would prove to, on the surface, show her to be more 'successful' than myself in the post D recovery. I analyzed the deal and told her, directly, that if it was dropped into my lap, I'd jump on it, and sincerely wished her best of luck with the deal and was happy that she'd been doing well. To me, this exemplified what I learned in MC, that being the value of 'unfinished business'. The value of that depends on the personality of the person involved; to me, it (having none) was critical to 'completely moving on'. To another person, perhaps not. Each individual is different. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I have been thinking lately, how will I know I am completely over my ex? Will it just stuck me like lightning or what? I kind of want to be 100% over him but I don't know how will I know I have reached that stage. Please share your experiences? When you no longer think of them when your unbusy. When things like seeing a car like theirs or their favourite drink, chocolate whatever doesn't make you burst into tears. Me and my ex liked 3 songs. Whenever I would be with him those are the 3 that would be played first. For months I couldn't listen to them. If they came on the radio I turned them off. I knew I was over him when I could listen to those and not cry or think of him just enjoy the song. It's taken me 9 months to be able to do that; didn't realise until lastnight it had been so long! X
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 When you can imagine him in the arms of another woman in a passionate intimate clinch, and think "oh that reminds me, I need some tomatoes"..... Loooooooool now this made me giggle! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 When you no longer think of them when your unbusy. When things like seeing a car like theirs or their favourite drink, chocolate whatever doesn't make you burst into tears. Me and my ex liked 3 songs. Whenever I would be with him those are the 3 that would be played first. For months I couldn't listen to them. If they came on the radio I turned them off. I knew I was over him when I could listen to those and not cry or think of him just enjoy the song. It's taken me 9 months to be able to do that; didn't realise until lastnight it had been so long! X Well, I am having some issues since past few days. Yesterday I just realized when I wasn't doing anything I wasn't thinking of him, I was thinking of my friends, work and my project. After that it was downhill, I know I am not over him yet I am still getting there. Secondly, I even listened to our song yesterday it didn't make me cry but it did trigger some memories. So I guess I am making some progress?
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Well, I am having some issues since past few days. Yesterday I just realized when I wasn't doing anything I wasn't thinking of him, I was thinking of my friends, work and my project. After that it was downhill, I know I am not over him yet I am still getting there. Secondly, I even listened to our song yesterday it didn't make me cry but it did trigger some memories. So I guess I am making some progress? Hell yes you are making progress. There are many many people in this world who sit heartbroken for years. You are doing fabulous!! Things will trigger memories for a long time. They still do for me too. However they don't make me cry, upset or unhappy anymore. It's simply a memory now You are very much well on your way to moving on 1
WYSWYG Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) In a quiet transition, you eventually stop thinking and wondering about them. And if you do, they seem not that important anymore. You also forget details of how it was when you were next to them. And your heart does not skip a beat anymore at hello. I personally think it's not 100%. Certain songs, places, food, scent, still gets me nostalgic. There's always slight hint of that time in your life w/ them, good and bad. But I guess that goes for most memorable moments in life. I reconnected w/ all my exes eventually but on a friendly level. At that point, I always wonder why I suffered so much. Gloria Gaynor's song rings true..."first I wash afraid, I was petrified.." Edited March 16, 2014 by WYSWYG 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted March 16, 2014 Author Posted March 16, 2014 Hell yes you are making progress. There are many many people in this world who sit heartbroken for years. You are doing fabulous!! Things will trigger memories for a long time. They still do for me too. However they don't make me cry, upset or unhappy anymore. It's simply a memory now You are very much well on your way to moving on I guess I am then I understand the part where you said that the memories don't make you cry, because it doesn't make me cry as well but it does make me feel nostalgic. I guess its all a part of moving on then. I just want myself to be 100% over him.
TaraMaiden Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Listen, I still have memories of my first, real, serious BF, and that was over 30 years ago! Your mind stores info, and will give you an unexpected snapshot of all kinds of things you go through. It's quite normal. The trick, is to 'observe' without getting overly hung up about it....
saltyfishhead666 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I guess I am then I understand the part where you said that the memories don't make you cry, because it doesn't make me cry as well but it does make me feel nostalgic. I guess its all a part of moving on then. I just want myself to be 100% over him. You won't be 100% over him until You begin looking for and find someone new. That is the last bit of the Puzzle and that's the bit I'm attempting to do now. Xx
meowmeow1234 Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 When you know, you'll know. As everybody in this thread has said, its not really caring about that person anymore. If you're in the mindset already that "okay I want to move on- I'm over being sad" then you're honestly like almost there. Just keep doing whatever you are doing in your recovery to help you over that final hurdle. And trust me- you'll get over it. Treat every day as brand new and that it is one day closer to being yourself again. For me, my moments of getting over all my exes kinda did hit me like lightening. (sp?) Granted I was at a certain stage- but it took me realizing that I would NOT work out with them to pull me out 100%. After that, it kinda was like "well I'm done." So I stopped caring and moved on because I would rather be by myself than with somebody I know is not a good fit for me. 1
Lifegoezon Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 What everyone else said. Plus not actually asking this question and wondering if you are over them or not. They simply stop crossing your mind. You're doing fine.
carhill Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 Likely not an issue for the OP but one aspect I've noted, as a divorced man, is that women appear to have markedly confusing, to me anyway, responses to seemingly innocuous and positive remarks about the 'past'. In fact, when I've reflected upon some of the positive aspects and experiences in my marriage, some have gone as far as to opine directly that I still 'love her'. I find this perplexing, as I surely did love who I was when married and did indeed love my wife, and my recollections of that era are a part of my life, as any other experience, but I also recognize they are the past and it is long over. ExW has been living with another great guy for going on five years now and is making new positive memories with him. Our past is our past. Some was good; some was not so good. My personality tends to dwell on the positive in life rather than the negative so I often find myself at odds with some people and their judgments. OP, relevant to this process, perhaps that's another sign of 'completely moved on', where one can look at the totality of the relationship and reflect upon it in a balanced manner, for them. For some, that might trend to the 'he was a jerk'; to others it may trend to 'he was a good guy but things didn't work out' and everything in between. Each of us is different.
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