Plumeria Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 I have been married for 13yrs. During the past 2 yrs I have become less happy with my marriage. My husband is a great guy, however, our relationship is more like roommates than husband and wife. Last year I started seeing a therapist who helped me start to find myself again & break bad emotional habits I had. It was helpful & eventually I got my husband to go as well. She stated he was depressed, had him get meds from his doctor, & did a few individual sessions with him. Soon after we both saw her, however, it was not as successful, we stopped going, & he stopped taking his meds. It has been over a year since we have been intimate & he rarely even sleeps in bed with me. I have gotten used to this & it doesn't bother me anymore. I do crave emotional & physical contact. The emotional I can usually get from friends, but it's not the same. The lack of physical contact is extremely frustrating. On top of all this I met a guy over a year ago who I have not been able to get off my mind. Nothing would ever happen with him, but this is only due to his choice & not mine. When I tell my husband I'm not happy with where we are in our relationship, he gets quiet & will eventually tell a friend he thinks I am just pushing his buttons & trying to get him mad. He doesn't take what I say seriously. I don't want to hurt him the way he has emotionally hurt me, but I don't know how I am supposed to live in a loveless passionless empty marriage. I don't even know how much I really want to keep trying to fix things. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Maybe write a heartfelt letter so he can really hear and think it over. Try to put suggestions abs not blame. Plan a trip to reconnect & go to counseling together now that youve done one in one. Its either be proactive or divorce, maybe he needs to really grasp this. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 You're so very close to checking out of your marriage and I think once you do there'll be no going back. So I think you either: 1, divorce 2, tell your husband that if genuine progress isn't made in the next 6-12 months you can only foresee divorce Offer to see the doctor with your husband, to get the meds situation sorted. Offer for him to seek therapy alone. Ask him what he feels he needs from you to be able to start re-investing in the relationship. Have a frank, open-minded discussion and take it from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 I understand how you feel but I am on the opposite side. My wife is the one who has little interest. You have three choices... Fix it. Live with it. Leave it. The fact that you have a guy on your mind indicates that you are leaving it. After spending years trying to fix mine, I am beginning to think that I am somewhere between the leaving it and living with it. You didn't mention if you have children. To me that is a good reason to either try to fix it (if possible) or live with it for awhile longer. I guess personally, I am living with it with some hope that maybe it will be fixed because there are children. I can understand why you would not though. If you ask me what you should do, then I am inclined to think that if there are no children, then an ultimatum is necessary. Tell him that you are separating until this gets fixed. Tell him (if you do) that you love him, but you do not feel the love from him. And if he still wants to stay married, then he needs to examine himself and change if he thinks it is important enough. If there are children, then perhaps a better way to give an ultimatum without totally upsetting their world in the process is a better way. I always wonder why the ones who like sex end up with the ones who don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts